“No one is useless in this world who lightens the burdens of another.” Charles Dickens

Sometimes I listen to people and then wonder who ties their shoelaces.

Every morning I workout by shaking my head vigorously in disbelief.

I’m working on my garden this weekend. Now, where are the bacon seeds?

I’m not talking to myself. I’m having a staff meeting.

Is there a polite way to ask if someone’s parents are first cousins? Asking for a friend.

I don’t need a recipe for disaster. I just eyeball it.

I don’t wanna brag but I already did dishes and it’s not even noon yet.

I just love watching him sigh and roll over like what ails you my little unemployed freeloader?

Alexa, arrest the people in the Epstein files.

I have a sudden craving for pumpkin bread.

Anyone else have that one family member who is a doomsday prepper? I’m more of a whatever happens happens kinda person.

I live my life with the intention of no regrets. I don’t wanna look back and think “I shoulda had more cookies.”

Some of you should get penicillin instead of chocolate on Valentine's Day and it shows

George Carlin told us everything before it became obvious.

Them: you let your dog on the couch? Me: it’s called FURniture.

“Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, --That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government…”

I feel like I sound like Jay these days, just walk-in around singing 🎶 fuc* fuc* fuc* mother mother fuc* mother mother fuc* fuc* mother fuc* mother fuc*…..well you get it.

As soon as this rain clears I’m spending time outside.

https://t.co/9DasWBgaW2

Netflix is great for numbing the mind for a bit.