When I tell my Carnival houseguests that anything that looks like Pelau in the fridge is dog food, so don’t eat it. Do they listen? No! Instead you telling me about my Pelau need more salt.

RANDOM OBSERVATION. (Not meant to scare anyone).Once in awhile, a beautiful stranger walks right by you and you think::."Now I know why Chloroform is hard to come by. but on another note, I need to get a basement and a cage!".

NOTES .Drew and Shawnaley Drama: .- He obviously has no friends. - He needs to go on suicide watch. - He needs to stop posting his business.

Apparently, no matter whom I sit next to at a Dinner party, I bring out the worst behavior in them. Who knew?.

I consider an act of aggression when someone sends me a voicenote first thing in the morning. What do you mean you speaking to people before 8am!.

RT @MarcusShepard: When you say vocalist this is who you should be referring to 🫠. (My gawd a talent! **throws shoe**) .

Do you have people who send you memes and always add “This is so you!”and when you look at it, you realise they don’t know you at all?.

“You want to see me in a cell, instead of out here raising hell! .I was a good man….” - Hey Choppi.

RT @AtikChafik: The difference between dcu superman and dceu superman is unreal.

AT THE HARDWARE: .Me: Hi Good day, do you all have any hoes? .Guy: They both on lunch right now but if you willing to wait! .Girls (I’m the back): Watch nah! That joke stopped being funny months ago.

OVERHEARD: I don’t know what it feels like to be stalked. Normally it’s me on their street in someone’s car I borrowed for a few hours.

Potatoes as an option for breakfast on the go? This was never an option. Eggs, bacon, bread, cheese paste, sausages, peanut butter, oats or cereal. Those are breakfast options for people on the go….Am I wrong?.

I’m usually silent on Group Chats but I do read everything. However when one person accused another of always being on vacation, I jumped in with .“Pot? Is that you?” .The thread never recovered .

I was told on today that I was sexier when I was fatter. I apologized for being out of her fetish weight class.

“Is she here today?”.Me: I don’t think so. There has been no visible disturbance in the force this morning. “Why are you like this?”.

How do I explain to my new housekeeper that she doesn’t need to organize the stuff in the drawers of the bedside table?.Nothing needs to be stacked nearly or placed in rows. Disorder is preferred. Sigh!.

OVERHEARD.Client wants to buy a Range Rover and spread the loan over 10 years. Other person: Yuh client sounds poor. Tell him buy a Honda Vezel and to leave you alone.

Tajin Seasoning on fruit like Watermelon, Mango & Pineapple!!!.Am I late to the party AGAIN?

For a whole 30 mins this morning, my floor in work did not have water and I felt joy as if I was getting a day off. Then someone called building maintenance. Why are people like this?.

RT @cvkmsss: Yuh skincare not working because you letting a man who does drink more stag than water break on ya face !!!.

Why is Celeste Mohammed’s new book “Ever Since We Small” causing me to take mental health breaks after every chapter! Jeez!