As today marks the exact midpoint between New Year’s Day 2025 and Christmas Day, what better moment to officially unveil my new book: A Very British Christmas - your essential guide to navigating the festive season in true British style. Available to pre-order here

The most passive-aggressive phrases ever:. 1 Polite notice .2 Gentle/friendly reminder .3 As per my last email / as previously discussed .4 Thanks in advance .5 For the avoidance of doubt .6 With all due respect .7 I may have missed it, but….8 Maybe I didn’t explain it clearly.

Always curious and full of energy, Beagles turn every walk into an adventure 🐾🎉.

First sighting of SPooOooOooKY🎃😱 stuff in the supermarket. That’s it, folks, summer’s over. It’s Halloween now, which means it’s Christmas now.

Currently my only use of AI: . “Hi ChatGPT, please make my absolutely furious email sound friendly and professional, thank you!”.

My British Dad, upon turning on a WWII documentary that started by warning ‘May Contain Violence’:. “Well that’s a bit of an understatement, isn’t it?”.

“Ooh, something smells good, what are you cooking?!”. It’s always just an onion.

Happy National Potato Day! Today I’ll be having hash browns for breakfast, chips for lunch, a jacket potato for tea, and leek and potato soup for supper. With each meal I’ll also be having mash, croquettes, dauphinoise, bubble and squeak, and a rösti… with a side of potato

Remember when picking up “a few bits” at the supermarket didn’t cost £54?.

RT @SoVeryBritish: It’s staggering just how many responses British people have to “how are you?”. “Fine”.“Surviving”.“Getting there”.“Livin….

BREAKING: Trump is more likely to win in 2028 than Harris, despite being constitutionally ineligible

It’s just too hot.

Always tempted to just fill it with Lucozade and hope for the best.

It’s always horrible having to a) request this bottle from the GP receptionist, b) give this bottle to the GP receptionist. I’m just trying to think of the worst thing you could say as you hand it over. Perhaps just a cheery “enjoy!”

It’s staggering just how many responses British people have to “how are you?”. “Fine”.“Surviving”.“Getting there”.“Living the dream”.“Fair to middling”.“Same old”.“Bearing up”. I could go on. The list is practically endless.

With temperatures set to hit 30°C in many parts of the country, it’s another “better put the biscuits in the fridge” kind of day.

British drivers when they see a Road Closed Ahead sign:. “We’ll see about that!”.

Take me down to the paradise city where the grass is green and the bench situation is ample and the swans are pleasant and there’s a respectable public toilet and a place nearby with decent sausage rolls and good parking 🎵 . #makeasongbritish.

“Would it be easier if I just gave you a quick call?”. Nope, texting is working just fine, thank you.

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A British rule: if a supermarket’s name doesn’t have an ‘s’ on the end, then you just have to add one yourself.

Anyone not from Britain will be thinking “what on earth is this all about?”.

“For Pete’s sake!”. My question is, who’s Pete when he’s at home? And why do we add “when he’s at home” when asking a question about a mystery character? And while we’re at it, does Pete know Bob, the one who’s everyone’s uncle? And does Uncle Bob have any relation to Bloody.