smilewithlight
@smilewithlight1
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ze/ zir-trying to be more than the sum of my parts: Intersectional Feminist Socialist- #smashpatriarchy, #equity #survivortough #domesticviolence #PTSD
Ontario, Canada
Joined September 2016
#SurvivorTough separation general conflicts from automatic integrated trauma response is tough. When one is constantly on RED ALERT finding a balanced response to non-threatening issues is problematic. The look on my partner's face when saying "I am not____" broke my heart.
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#SurvivorTough after years of abuse and imposed isolation it can be difficult to feel wanted by folx who truly love me. I isolate myself before someone else rejects me first.
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What I've found challenging are the physical symptoms that become more pronounced when I'm preparing for therapy. Relaxation Body Scan techniques reveal a plethora of tension hot spots. I have stress exacerbated Chronic Illnesses which are not fun mixed with CPTSD #survivortough.
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#survivortough .2) I didn't get help earlier. Although my upbringing was challenging I balked at the "tell me about your childhood" question. I was arrogant/ delusional etc & wish upon fishes that I did the necessary inner work before eventually marrying an evil version of my Dad.
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#survivortough.I have been in therapy on & off for years. There are two general regrets 1 I want my therapist to "like" and be "proud" of me (wanting validation isn't that surprising). There were honestly times I would reschedule if I was too upset to go to therapy.
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There are also the times went IMPLICIT CONSENT was not given. Unfortunately, many of us have experienced those grey areas where we merely complied. #EMPHATICCONSENTISSEXY.#YESMeansYES
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#SurvivorTough. I know this may be off topic but I take some issue with how the Justice system is portrayed in tv and film. Survivors are often pushed into pressing charges or shamed into "moving on.".
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#SurvivorTough Trauma crushes Curiosity and fosters Distrust and Impatience.
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#survivortough.I also reached out to HCP and decided to go back on antidepressant/ anxiety meds. I know it sounds weird but I feel a bit better already.
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#survivortough Covid and self isolation have been tough; especially because I banish myself. Today was a pretty good day. I had conversations (telephone and video chat) with some friends which is something I enjoy but have been putting off lately.
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