Fink
@smartassredfish
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I'm a satirist, a humorist, and the world's funniest redfish. I write for the https://t.co/YzOksGDVE4 & The https://t.co/YsJb6MDbso. Follow me, I follow back.
California, USA
Joined March 2018
I'm sure some gold will fix it right up to Jeff's standards. https://t.co/5usMK8W2y5
fazzler.com
Qatar demands Trump apology after awkward Epstein jet comparison; administration responds swiftly with Mar-a-Lago gift baskets, free buffet passes, golf memorabilia, and Pompeo’s confident assuranc...
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BREAKING: Portland’s greatest threat has been neutralized. The National Guard reduced the Chili Chariot vegan food truck to smoke and beans, declaring victory over kale chili as locals calmly tied bandanas on their dogs. Soldiers later celebrated the triumph by inhaling pierogis,
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Breaking from the #Portland front: a bandana on a dog, a smoothie in the park, and two gluten-free bagels have been recorded as battlefield atrocities. The soldier’s trembling dispatch reads like Antietam, but the only thing destroyed was a vegan chili cart, accidentally
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Breaking: The National Guard’s pierogi dragnet at Portland’s Hawthorne Asylum food pod took a sharp left turn when they “accidentally” unearthed Epstein files hidden in a sushi burrito cart. Eyewitnesses say classified binders were pulled from beside the rice cooker, only to be
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In @portlandia , the state has officially weaponized lunch. At the Hawthorne Asylum food pod, citizens waiting for bulgogi pierogis had their IDs checked like it was Checkpoint Charlie, while clipboard warriors scrawled down “sus dumpling behavior.” Moments later the same
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BREAKING: Jimmy Fallon has declared himself the last man standing in late night. While Colbert and Kimmel are axed for politics, Fallon is clinging to safety like it’s a game of Celebrity Twister. NBC execs call him “America’s chamomile tea,” and honestly, he’s leaning in. Why
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Russia's bravest oligarchs are once again threatening to take their business elsewhere, if only they could find a "somewhere else" that will have them. For three long years, these titans of industry have suffered the indignity of frozen assets and, most critically, a devastating
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