i was gonna cut myself but im so cozy in my bed under my 3 blankets hugging my pillow... zzz maybe later...

why is it even called a fast i can feel time slowing down bro

6th grade was crazy cuz why are yall bullying me cuz im not slim thick i am 11 years old

why is it the second im left alone i feel like i have nothing left to live for

i wish i was better at making friends

90 more steps and it's gonna be 6699

shedtwt makes me feel like i actually belong somewhere

went running for the first time in a while and like wow this is fire but. i never want to do this again

im so close to actually killing myself omg ok

my pack of cigarettes fell into my piss filled toilet bowl my cigarettes are soaked in piss i can't smoke piss soaked cigarettes

who would ever want this dirty sick scarred body im inside of

i don't want new friends though and idk why i love the ones i have right now too much what the fuck is happening

ive realized what leads me to isolating sometimes probably is me subconsciously preparing myself for when it eventually happens

i need more friends i can't keep going like this im too obsessive and i can't stop and it's all because im so alone i cling to whatever i have currently in fear it's gonna disappear soon

i give up

I NEED TO CUT MYSELF

challenging myself to hit baby beans or beans on thighs

im 90% sure that if i cut on my left leg tonight and do aftercare for the first time in fuck knows how long ill be fine

the body yearns for the cuts

i wish i could not go to school and not leave my bedroom and just cut myself all day