🏳️🌈Markus the Health Risk!! 🌈⚠️🐱
@sircantus
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A very persistent writer who writes maybe a little toooo much | alt: @metphos_ | priv: @altcantus
!! he/they/xey !!
Joined December 2019
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DROP THE FACE REVEAL YOU MINECRAFT WHITE BOY I NEED TO KNOW IF YOURE HOT OR NOT
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AU where Technoblade would consistently spray Wilbur with water if he ever smoked in Pogtopia bc "you're trapping all the smoke in the ravine I cant breathe" "fine I'll smoke outside-!" "That's bad for the environment what about the trees"
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If i ever meet Wilbur Soot im going to shake his hand look him dead in the eyes and go “i killed you in a fanfiction” and then walk away
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THE RUMOR COME OUT: DOES RANBOO LIVE IS GAY
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ppl need to stop making duo names for ccs that never interact😭😭 wtf is crimeboys😭
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QUICK SUBSCRIBE TO TECHNOBLADE WE HAVE TO USE DREAMS CLOUT QUICK QUICK TREND IT
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Writing Technoblade again isnt as hard as I thought as i thought it would be which is so reassuring
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I had a dream where sbi was trying to save the world but they REALLY sucked at it and Technoblade got stuck underneath the sea while Tommy kept trying to fight against a giant lobster
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Philza "MY KIDS WERE IN A FIGHT??" Minecraft and Kristin "did they win" Minecraft
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Someone went "I like your shirt!" As I was walking down the street and I was like "oh nice" then I realized I'm wearing Technoblade merch and I went "OH GOD WAJT A MINUTE-"
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Now watch, as i summon Technotwt.
TECHNOBLADE TECHNOBLADE TECHNOBLADE TECHNOBLADE
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AU where Technoblade 'never dies' but Tommy and Wilbur are his grim reapers and THEY'RE REALLY TRYIN, MAN, WHY DOESN'T HE STAY DOWN
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I'm coming out.....I'm a Technoblade older sibling truther
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AU where Tommy and Wilbur braid the weirdest shit into Technos hair so it's like "Techno I need a pen" and he pulls out like three different ones from his braid
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I don't have anyone irl to talk about with this I'm just here sobbing in my room what fun.
.....yknow I kinda wanna just keep writing. I was working on that avatar AU right as the news hit. Feels kinda wrong but also I mean. I dont wanna pause.
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AU where Technoblade ALWAYS calls Tommy "Theseus", like all the time, 24/7, so one day he says Tommy and Tommy looks at him like he's murdered puppies or something bc That's Not My Techno Nickname wtf
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I went out looking for some Techno-centric fics and everything is FUCKING ANGSTY.
So. Uh. Does anyone have any fics that won't be super painful? Definitely asking for a friend who has a soft heart
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AU where Phil raised his sons in his hardcore world and as a result they're all a little unhinged
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Ok think pogtopia!wilbur smoking, right? He gets smoke all up in the ravine and everyone is >:/ one day Technoblade comes over, takes a cigarette, and uses it. Wilburs like “you smoke?” “No” Techno blows smoke directly into his face and then takes Wilbur’s cigarettes and runs
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I had a dream that Tommy got canceled bc he said “guys dont commit die think about my subscriber count”
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HERES YOUR REMINDER THAT IF ANYONE TELLS YOU “ARENT YOU TOO OLD TO GO TRICK OR TREATING” JUST ANSWER “WOULD YOU RATHER I GO DO DRUGS OUT ON THE STREETS”
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AU where sleepybros are like trying to be vigilantes but Phil is a supervillain, and youd think this would be a whole identity thing but Phil recognizes them like IMMEDIATELY so it's like "stop villian-!" "WILBUR SOOT WATSON WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU OUT HERE"
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AU where Technoblade is a king and Wilbur is his twin brother who went off for adventure while Techno took care of the kingdom. Years later theres a criminal pretending to be the king being brought to Techno and Techno takes one look at him and is like "Wilbur wtf"
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AU where sbi are cursed with immortality bc they're Death's favorites.
Cue the culture clash of Tommy throwing himself into deadly situations like "eh I'll be fine" but Tubbo and Ranboo are like "YOU WILL DIE???"
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AU where Technoblade is one of the most feared demons to ever exist, and Wilbur is some broke tired college student who summoned him and immediately introduced himself with "if i give you my soul is it possible to get money in return"
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AU where Tommy makes up gods like "The Blood God" and "The Angel of Death" as a kid. Eventually they fade from his memory but later on down the line he remembers about them and prays to them during an english test bc well he's got nothing to lose. Except then they Answer
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AU where sbi are vampires and Technoblade is a very feared very powerful vampire hunter who's like "they're my next targets. Theyre going down."
Except then on the night after, he's met with Wilbur waving money in his face like "I need a vampire hunter to kill a bitch"
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What I'm getting from this is that yall just see Technoblade and instantly like the tweet
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AU where Technoblade is taken hostage by Bad Guys and they cut off his braid to give to the rest of SBI as a threat to get them to comply, except the sight of Techno's cut off hair has the exact Opposite Effect, and they all choose Violence
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Wilbur SOOT. "SOOT" kinda like ASH. kinda like FIRE. AU WHERE WILBUR HAS FIRE POWERS-
Actually no that's too cool. Au where Wilbur is a vigilante and everyone THINKS he has fire powers but he's actually just really good at Arson
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I live in constant fear of Wilbur Soot
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AU where Technoblade is a well known respected king who loses one of his prized possessions: an emerald earring. Tommy, a random civilian, finds this earring and puts it on. He is then very confused when people start to treat him very well out of fear of crossing Techno
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I got so annoyed with the sensation of a stuffy nose that I went "ok I'm done being sad I'm going Techno humor mode" and it Worked, I CAN BREATHEEEEE NO MORE TEARS
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Oh, and also in advance. Don't leave comments about Technoblades passing on my fics. Please dont. I know its gonna happen regardless but I have to say it so maybe it'll be a bit less.
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AU where the royal family is "chosen by the gods" or some shit by having wings. So like Kristin, Phil, Tommy and Wilbur have wings bc woah they're the royal family royal blood. IN COMES TECHNO FROM LIKE THE EDGE OF THE KINGDOM he just grew wings and is having a very bad morning
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AU where Tommy works at a coffeeshop and SBI comes by every day, but Tommy gets their order wrong every single damn time. They think it's just him messing with them but no he's just that bad. It's a wonder he still has his job
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Zombie apocalypse AU where Wilbur documents his survival on a little tape recorder thing. Eventually Technoblade finds it, and in his loneliness as a single survivor, he grows attached to the person on the other side. (Small story thread!)
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AU where Tommy is a young god trying to protect a little village who worships him. The people grow to fear him and his power over times so they end up locking him away behind a big stone door, magic keeping it locked for thousands of years. Eventually, the magic fades
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AU where Technoblade always made himself look different from Wilbur so people would stop confusing them. (Pink hair, long braid, royal clothes)
but when Wil dies, he tries his best to look like Wil again bc maybe at least then he will have him back whenever he looks in a mirror
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AU where Wilbur is known as a world famous clothes designer, but the ideas aren't his own, they're in fact Techno's. Technoblade istoo nervous to deal with People so he makes Wil his spokesperson. Wil actually has an god awful fashion sense but Techno forces him to dress nicely
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AU where Phil has symbolic tattoos for all of his sons and one day he gets in a really brutal battle and wins, but hes panicking, not bc he's bleeding profusely out of his arm but bc HIS OPPONENT CUT PART OF HIS TATTOO OFF
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Had a dream where I made an AU in which Wilbur was a serial killer but Tommy was just framed for murder so whilst Tommy is like "IM INNOCENT" Wilbur is like "I will teach u the way young padawan"
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dadbur AU where Tommy isn't Wilbur's son, but he's a soldier working underneath him in a war, and one day while injured he's kinda delirious, bleeding out,and he calls Wilbur dad.
So naturally Wil, the grand strategist of the Antarctic Empire is then like "oh god im a father now"
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WHAT DO YOH MEAN WE HAVE A FANDOM TAG ON AO3 NOW ??? /POS
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AU where Technoblade and Wilbur switch bodies but no one believes Techno at first because "Oh silly Wilbur haha" then Will bursts in (as Techno) like "PHIL WHY THE FUCK DO I LOOK LIKE TECHNOBLADE" and THEN they believe it
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AU where Tommy can see ghosts/demons but he assumes it's only ghosts that hes seeing bc demons kinda avoid him. Thats bc Wilbur's a very clingy protective ghost who chases them all off. Hes good at it, until Techno shows up
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AU where Wilbur is like a Famous Actor and Technoblade gets mistaken for being him (brown hair Techno eyooo) so it's like
Paparazzi: "WILBUR SOOT SPOTTED WORKING AT MCDONALD'S"
Wilbur, knowing very well that's not him: excuse me?
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I'm thinking about a mafia AU but like there is NO plot there is only Niki Nihachu and Wilbur Soot being the pretty singers up on stage who also have guns in their back pockets
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Idea: Phil being wounded very badly during a battle, so he uses his own blood to summon his wife for backup
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Au where TOMMY is the scary one in sbi, because oh, Phil's the Angel of Death, oh, Technoblade is the Blood God, oh, Wilbur is Gaslight, Gatekeep, Girlboss, but Tommy is going to just break your ankles if you look at him funny. People run away screaming from the guy
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AU where Wilbur and Tommy are vigilantes trying to keep their identity a secret and Technoblade is their brother who hears them speak for One second and is like "wilbur. Tommy. What are you doing. I'm snitching."
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AU where twinduo are separated siblings who are raised as assassins by two different enemy kingdoms. Eventually they both get sent to go Off the other since they're both powerful weapons. On their first meeting they both falter bc "wait why do you LOOK like me"
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Space AU where Technoblade comes from a culture of warriors where if you lose a battle you gotta cut your hair. Hes got a rather long braid. Tommy hears about said tradition and immediately starts growing his hair out.
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AU where Tommy is an avian who's lost his wings but still has the instincts. So he's got scars on his back and the uncontrollable urge to fly. Since he can't fly, though, he does the next best thing. Parkour on VERY TALL THINGS
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AU where Technoblade keeps hijacking Tommy's haircuts in order to get his hair to grow out long enough to braid. Tommy's like "where the fuck are the scissors" and Techno, who's knowing full well he buried them in the backyard just reads a book like "man Idk that's a shame"
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Technoblade anytime he has to run an errand: Tommy here take this spray bottle, if you smell smoke, spray Wilbur
Tommy: I'm going to use this power for evil
Techno: that's great, go do that
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AU where Wilbur is a shapeshifter who consistently scams people with his ability, and one day he decides to pretend to be Phil, the king, bc hey he loves king perks! Royalty!!
Except then Technoblade finds him and mistakes him for actual Phil
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Hanahaki disease but it's like wholesome in the way where any time a person feels loved flowers start growing in random places so they're just hanging out with someone they cherish while frantically trying to stamp out flowers growing from the floor
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AU where Techno is a mage who’s cursed to turn into stone, and after centuries of being stuck as a statue, the curse fades enough for him to undo it and free himself.
Thing is, as a Old Statue, he wound up in a museum. On display. Phil sees him return on the security cameras.
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AU where Technoblade is an assassin who's target is Wilbur, but he keeps having his missions secretly be thwarted by Phil, his assassin buddy, who failed to mention oh yeah he has kids and WILBUR IS ONE OF THEM
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AU where Tommy uses a spirit box to speak with 'ghost' Wilbur, except Wil isn't a ghost, he's just some dude from the past who's radio is being wonky
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Yknow I forget Wilbur soot follows me but also like I have no regrets bc I'm pretty sure if he saw me crying all over the tl he'd just Laugh
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AU where Wilbur and Tommy are famous and Tommy is walking down the street trying to find Wilbur. he spots him walking out of a store, so he grabs him by the hand and pulls him into a limo with the paparazzi on their tail and is like "wait a minute." upon seeing that is Not Wilbur
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AU where Phil is raising piglin!sleepybros and he kisses them on the forehead for the first time and they're like "oh!! Affection!! I have to return it!!" And then they headbutt Phil hard enough to leave a bruise
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AU where Phil's built a sturdy reputation as a peaceful, harmless king, and Techno, a hired assassin, believes this reputation wholeheartedly. He thinks his job will be easy, but he realizes he's in for a surprise when all of Phil's guards step BACK when Techno goes to attack him
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AU where Tommy is a time traveler who keeps meeting sbi over and over bc Surprise! They're immortals
And THEY keep meeting Tommy like "haha he's so similar to that boy we met back in 1840." ".....is...is he the same boy-" "IS THAT THE SAME KID-"
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Genloss AU where Ranboo ropes Tubbo into trying to find a cryptid/unnatural entity. He kinda thinks Ranboo's crazy but he goes along with it. At first it kinda seems like they're getting nowhere.
Until the clues fit together, and he realizes its Ranboo that theyre trailing
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AU where hero!Phil falls in love with villain!Kristin so he goes the WHOLE mile like a lovesick fool & fakes his death, and begins a new life as a villain with Kristin.
Later, his identity is found out, and rather than thinking 'betrayal' the heroes think "OH NO HES BRAINWASHED"
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AU where
Wilbur is the Popular Kid tm who throws parties at his house every single week. He knows Everyone, he’s got a contact list a mile long, but he doesn’t really have actual friends.
To add on, theres a reason he can always throw parties so often. Parents are never home.
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AU where antihero Technoblade has like blood bending powers and everyone thinks hes sooo evil but then they actually meet him and they're like "I thought youd be worse" "that's kinda rude tbh I could just push u off a roof you know"
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AU where Tommy and Wilbur are ghosthunters but Wilbur got possessed by Technoblade like a week back and Techno is REALLY putting his acting skills to work here so Tommy doesnt find him out (Tommy noticed in the first minute, he's just using this for Research)
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Adult people tell me something good about being an adult. I dont wanna hear “oh its horrible and it gets worse actually” tell me something good about growing up
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AU where Tommy is a demigod who THOUGHT he was given up at birth and banished to the earth, so when hes grown, he decides to go on a quest to get revenge upon his shitty godly father.
Except he then finds out that actually, he was never abandoned.
He was stolen.
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Technoblade with Lots of very fluffy pink hair that covers his eyes when its not brushed out. Wilbur takes a brush to it and is like "how tf do you live like this" "well Phil usually just braids it for me" "yeah and im in wonder of HOW"
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I FOUND A PROM DRESS WITH
P O C K E T S
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Girl help I just remembered Wilbur Soot follows me and I'm going through the five stages of grief once more /lh
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AU where Technoblade became the last of his bloodline at only 15 years old.
An attempted coup ended with his family slaughtered, the throne falling to only him. As a child, he had no clue on how to properly rule a kingdom. But he knew he was angry. He knew he wanted revenge.
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Au where Technoblade is like this feared warrior, has a big reputation for being dangerous and intimidating and then one day he randomly hears about Wilbur, who's been Claiming to be his brother so he can get away with stuff
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REST IN PEACE TECHNOBLADE YOU WERE FUCKING AWESOME!!! AND WE LOVE YOU
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Superhero AU where Technoblade is a civilian who actively SPRINTS away from conflict but he ALWAYS gets wrapped up in it no matter what, to the point that all the villians and heroes know him by name and are like "oh hey Techno" "hey" "how are you doin" "well I could be better"
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AU where twinduo kill everything they touch (save for eachother, so they hold hands and travel side by side) and Tommy is an immortal who revives Very Angrily every time
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AU where Technoblade is an immortal, invulnerable being who can never be beat, so the enemies try a different approach. They go after his family. This fails spectacularly
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Au Where Blood God!Techno except now instead of seeking out blood through brutal battle he just drinks it like a vampire in the more modern times. He has a mug that Tommy gave him with the words "Blood for the blood god" scribbled onto it. He uses it every day.
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Technoblade: "Now I dont have to deal with any problems until-"
Wilbur: "It was at this moment, Wilbur decided to become a problem!"
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I may still be a minor who's just a teen without Adult Responsibilities but lemme say if ur an adult and you enjoy all this mcyt stuff, you're valid! You're wonderful! Anyone who says you're too old for this can go eat my Shoes. YOU CANT OUTGROW THE MINECRAFT ROLEPLAY!!
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AU WHERE MUMZA IS SUPERHERO AND PHILZA IS SUPERVILLAIN AND HE KEEPS NARROWLY ESCAPING BY LIKE JUST MERE SECONDS BC HE KEEPS TRYING TO HAVE AS MUCH TIME AS POSSIBLE WITH KRISTIN
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AU where god!Wilbur has a guitar that can heal people with its song, and Tommy steals it to heal others. This is a noble cause, of course but Wilbur is still annoyed at HAVING HIS GUITAR STOLEN so Tommy is on a mad dash to just heal anyone in sight with a god at his heels
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