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Shadows of Control

@shadows_control

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Writer, researcher, and survivor championing the fight against coercive control and domestic abuse. Freedom begins with awareness.

Ireland
Joined February 2024
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@shadows_control
Shadows of Control
2 hours
Follow Vanessa's powerful survivor story of overcoming domestic and sexual abuse, finding strength, and breaking free from a cycle of violence. #SurvivorStory.
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@shadows_control
Shadows of Control
3 hours
Many people picture a domestic abuser as someone who is openly loud, aggressive, and intimidating. But in reality, abusers can appear:. 🔸Smart.🔸Successful.🔸Charming.🔸Generous.🔸Well-liked. Abusers don’t walk around with a warning label. Some of the most dangerous ones are.
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@shadows_control
Shadows of Control
9 hours
My ex-husband controlled all our finances. He controlled how my father's inheritance money would be spent and he spent lavishly and relentlessly on himself. At the same time, he asked me to cut costs on the food shopping. When I told him I wanted access to all our bank accounts,.
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@shadows_control
Shadows of Control
11 hours
You are allowed to choose yourself over someone who makes you feel small. You are allowed to prioritize your mental health. You are allowed to leave a situation that hurts you, even if it means disappointing others. You are worthy of a life filled with peace and respect.
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@shadows_control
Shadows of Control
14 hours
By monopolizing conversation, abusers maintain power and influence, creating an unbalanced and oppressive communication dynamic. #verbalabuse
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@shadows_control
Shadows of Control
18 hours
Abusers believe they are superior and belittle you to prove it. Don't let their words define you. #emotionalabuse
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@shadows_control
Shadows of Control
20 hours
Leaving an abuser takes unimaginable strength. But when survivors finally speak—and their stories are met with doubt, judgment, or silence—it delivers another deep betrayal.
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@shadows_control
Shadows of Control
22 hours
Abusers may be emotionally distant, cold, or unresponsive, leaving you questioning if things are OK. You comply with their demands just to get any warmth or connection, creating a dynamic where you cater to their needs while yours are ignored and neglected. #EmotionalAbuse.
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@shadows_control
Shadows of Control
24 hours
True change requires deep self-reflection, accountability, and a commitment to unlearning harmful behaviors—a journey that few abusers are willing to take. What are your thoughts?. #BreakingTheCycle #abusiverelationship #domesticabuse
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@shadows_control
Shadows of Control
1 day
Anger after domestic abuse isn’t something to avoid—it’s often part of what sets us free.
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@shadows_control
Shadows of Control
1 day
You ignore their provoking messages. You refuse to engage in the same exhausting argument. And they come back with:. “You’re so cold. I don’t even recognize you anymore.”. This is a manipulation tactic designed to bait you into reacting. When you don’t give them the emotional.
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@shadows_control
Shadows of Control
1 day
My abusive ex-husband hacked into my phone and secretly read private messages between me and my best friend. Soon after, he began telling me he was having vivid, psychic dreams about her. He described her thoughts, feelings, and experiences with eerie accuracy—because, unknown.
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@shadows_control
Shadows of Control
1 day
When abuse is only recognised in its most extreme forms, countless victims are left unseen. Media portrayals convince many survivors their experience doesn’t qualify—because others had it worse.
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@shadows_control
Shadows of Control
1 day
Abusers constantly change the rules. One day they want one thing, but when you deliver, it’s suddenly not enough. They move the goalposts so you’re always striving to meet impossible standards, feeling inadequate and off-balance, never able to satisfy them. #CoerciveControl.
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@shadows_control
Shadows of Control
2 days
A loving partner will never feel threatened by your autonomy. #toxicrelationship
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@shadows_control
Shadows of Control
2 days
Abusers 'weaponize' their children in their campaign of control over their partners. #coercivecontrol
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@shadows_control
Shadows of Control
2 days
Emotional abuse doesn’t just hurt — it rewrites your sense of worth, making you believe you're never enough, no matter how hard you try.
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@shadows_control
Shadows of Control
2 days
Your abuser may threaten self-harm to manipulate you into staying. This plays on your empathy and fear, making you feel responsible for them. Suicide threats are emotional blackmail meant to control you and stop you from leaving. #CoerciveControl.
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@shadows_control
Shadows of Control
2 days
Reclaiming freedom and autonomy after leaving a controlling relationship is empowering—it’s about taking back choices, passions, and dreams that were stifled. What’s one powerful step you’ve taken? Share your story below to inspire others. #HealingJourney #domesticabuserecovery
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@shadows_control
Shadows of Control
2 days
When an abuser controls the story, they don’t just rewrite the past — they rewrite how the world sees you and how you see yourself.
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