Breaking news: A major cheese company will be sponsoring the next Star Wars film. It will be about...Boba Fetta I’ll see myself out

We’re working from home today, and when I say “we,” I mean “me”.

I’ve found that not listening to anything my brother-in-law says has been the secret to keeping my brain healthy

I’m not having kids, but I’ve totally figured out the best gender reveal party. The ‘reveal’ is a pair of baby pants - if it’s got pockets, it’s boy and if it hasn’t got pockets, it’s a girl.

The 14-year-old was last seen on Katrina Street in Blackburn North on 20 March. Grace is 167cm tall with blue eyes and blonde hair and was last seen wearing tracksuit pants, a light coloured hoodie and a back pack. Forest Hill Police Station ☎ (03) 8847 3600. #230101443

Wishing all those who celebrate a Happy Ramadan! ☪️

Hello, I’m visiting Darwin and surrounding areas in June! Any recommendations on what to see/do?

Trying to get some rest before sleep but Theo doesn’t agree.

Have you seen Paige? The 12-year-old was last seen at Marshall Train Station on 18 March 2022. It is believed that Paige is travelling on public transport, and may be heading to New South Wales. 📞 Waurn Ponds Police Station on (03) 5247 3500.

So…I thought the GOP was all about small government? https://t.co/Ya7l1wtBnh

I hope you’re okay and you have a good day.

So. I’ve been quoted $9,900 for Invisalign (full treatment, including check ups). Is this a good deal?

72-year-old Francis was last seen on Murray Road in Preston around 4:30pm on 17 March. She is known to frequent the Flemington and Carlton areas. Police have concerns for Francis’s welfare. Anyone with information is urged to contact Preston Police Station on 9479 6111.

Adulthood is realising that there’s *always* something you need to bloody buy…

You know when you want to get out of house cos you’re getting cabin fever but you’re also feeling too lazy to leave the house?

Does anyone know where I can get shark-shaped lollies in Melbourne? (in a shop, not online ideally) Thanks!

You don’t have to use nazi salutes or slogans to be a nazi - if you also use their ideology or methods, then you’re a nazi too.

Can’t go anywhere today because my kids are using my body as a couch.

Not to be a smartarse, but where else are you meant to cook?

“…when she diddled Medicare out of $181,121”. I don’t think I’ve ever seen the word “diddled” in a news report before.

There’s an amazing new cafe that’s just opened. It’s in an industrial bin; it was started by a former Michelin star chef but he only makes toasties with foraged mushrooms. They’re $26 and taste like crap but they photograph well. Melbourne’s food scene, in one bitchy sentence.