Heatwave be damned, my hair looks amazing today 🫦.

Wish I had a nephew in Brooklyn so I could go to the soccer games and hang out and eat burgers.

Telling the intern at my office I need him to head down to the lobby to pick up an important package for the CEO and putting a ton of marbles at the top of the stairs.

I’m getting fired for trying to give the new intern at my office a swirly.

Too many people outside, bring back the cold!.

I’m getting scurvy from a lack of pulled pork in my diet.

Yeah erm so let’s just say I had to call my therapist after that episode of the white lotus. #TheWhiteLotus.

When none of your friends notice that you got a haircut

Nah sorry I can’t hang out tonight, I have to go on Instagram and harass the cast members of love is blind.

Remote work is my passion.

Sometimes the boys and girls on here get along worse than cats and dogs!. Just my two cents 🤭.

Eating a huge plate of barbecue nachos in bed and accidentally rolling onto it in the middle of the night.

Saw another grey hair in the mirror, I might just bite the bullet and go full Leland Palmer mode.

Had a zoom meeting with this guy yesterday where my volume was stuck really low after an update, and it sounded like a little cricket was trapped in my computer trying to tell me something.

Love mj lenderman but if I see another joke about the himbo dome I might end it all.

When you’re in a meeting trying to learn black hole sun on guitar and someone says your name

Does anyone else my age still listen to the golden oldies?.

One of those Jubilee debate videos and it’s me as one Elvis impersonator vs 30 zoomers.

Going to every gym within a 5 mile radius of my house to make sure numbers are strong at the start of the year.

2024 was really hard but also really easy.