rural juror
@ruraljurormovie
Followers
2K
Following
66K
Media
170
Statuses
6K
Joined September 2013
Have constructed such a parasocial imagined relationship with my gym crush that I just approached him in public and asked him how his week was despite us having never spoken
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Hey bro are you ok we noticed you were signing a darker, more melancholy reprise of your I Want song from earlier.
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Imagine having beef with me while I'm over here minding my own business 🤣🤣 checking my ex boyfriend's activity page on LinkedIn and checking my ex boyfriend's public Spotify playlists and checking my ex boyfriend's Venmo transaction history lol 🤣.
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Obviously it will be very sad when Katy Perry dies in space tomorrow but it will be great when Clairo covers Teenage Dream for the memorial tribute album.
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Walton Goggins waving his gun around while Sam Rockwell has gay guy music video night 10 ft away afaaghsjfkf.
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No no he’s obviously still online on Grindr so he can tell all the boys on his grid that him and I are about to be official. He’s just being neighborly and letting them know.
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Please @VP Comrade Harris announce your VP pick today in the middle of the work day and torpedo productivity, I will deliver you the critical vers top vote if you do.
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Played Gracie Abrams for a man last night and texts to him this morning now going green
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Sex and the city in the morning, boyfriends take warning. Sex and the city at night, boyfriends delight.
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Firing my gay guy therapist so I can ahve sex with him and also bc I have Cough Syrup glee cast version to get me thru future turmoil.
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Carrie Coon obviously amazing but the monologue about her inner belief system, completely unearned! We did not see her struggle with that at all! Her relationship to everything except her friends completely unexplored!.
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Biking to gay guy Friday… watching gay guys pop into other apartments on the way to their other gay guy fridays…. We are all made of stardust.
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Call me Donald trump the way I’m a leader in fertilization. Just ask any twink in Brooklyn.
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Instead of destroying their UX, Grindr should literally invest in turning more guys gay if they want to grow their total addressable market. They should have a department of bicuriosity that does boots on the ground work converting guys across the US. I of course will lead.
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This is exactly what it feels like to message someone on hinge first
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Sabrina Carpenter and Barry Keoghan arriving to the Met gala
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They should have an app like Citizen but instead of reporting crimes you can be notified when someone sees a hot guy reading outside in your neighborhood.
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You should have to prove you have 3+ albums of former lovers in your photos that make you nauseous to look at in order to get Lorde presale tickets.
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Sneaking to the bathroom in the morning trying not to wake up his roommate who has never messaged me back on Grindr
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Explaining step 12 of my plan to get Marianne Williamson the Democratic nomination for 2024
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Fumbled by asking a guy on a date tonight “do you believe in monsters?”.
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Tinder should be government owned and operated like a utility service because it gives you access to Brooklyn’s most precious natural resource: unemployed men.
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In Denver and every gay guy has a fucked up goatee. Everyone’s white. Everyone’s a product manager. Everywhere is a hybrid golf simulator/tex-mex brunch place. Basically the modern city of Gomorrah.
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No one’s ever reading good books on the L it’s always annoying theory or A Little Life. Terrible PR for the reading in public community.
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Trying to flirt with this dad at the bar and being like “You should totally send your son to this theatre camp I went to in high school, I loved it ;)” ?????????.
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@ 2016 keep your hands off of Betty White and Julie Andrews.
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sorry I had caffeine yesterday and I can't believe you're all drinking this every day. Completely ruined my life for the last 24 hours.
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Paused my Hinge account. Getting serious. Forgot who I moved to New York to bag in the first place
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Explaining to the girl I’m seeing not to be alarmed by the fact everyone else at my birthday party is a blonde twink I’ve hooked up with.
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save me guy who didn’t want me. guy who didn’t want me save me.
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I genuinely love when I see a straight guy in lululemon ABC pants and like a pair of white Ons. Like you are doing everything you were put on this earth to do keep it up king.
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If you don't resonate with the new Lorde single then you have to actively make your life worse and worse until it hits home. Kind of like how u don't alter a Vera Wang dress to fit you, you alter yourself to fit Vera Wang.
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Jay street metro tech is my favorite station bc I used to get out at this one to get cheated on.
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It’s spring which means the CIA has deployed the obviously gay guys dating women all over the city to sow discord and to get me to tweet about them. I will not fall for it this year.
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Only mentioned sex and the city once on my date last night
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@ underclassmen when you go to parties do u take ur rubber bands off ur braces or leave them on.
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30 Rock is a documentary
Shailene Woodley to Star in Janis Joplin Biopic Funded by California Tax Credit
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Creek yesterday; "don't stare into the sun directly".Creek today; "stare into the sun directly look into the camera it's your senior photo".
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Working out without my headphones today at the climbing gym and overheard the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen asking the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen what it means when a song is a single.
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I’m sorry but Colorado tap water hits in a different way.
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I love 30 Rock's Cerie so much,I'd b a housewife for Cerie,bring balance+softness 2 her life, listen 2 her talk abt her weird day, kiss her goodnight
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Fall doesn’t start in the city until you see your first mixed-attractiveness couple on the street, that’s the sign ppl are feeling the chill.
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Redownloading grindr just in case Jonathan Groff is bored and lonely at the Tonys tonight.
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It is very upsetting the woke backlash is happening rn, largely because it would be cool to have a bunch of gay NFL/NBA players, and also because I am entering my prime years where I’d be an amazing WAG.
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Only thought I have about severance season finale is that I’d like to show him my severed floor
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Only bad part about it getting warm is seeing white people day drink outside sorry!.
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I can’t outrun my demons, they have 5th off and I’m at Chipotle.
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Interesting that CU is cancelled tomorrow for heavy snow when (as you well know if you follow me on Twitter dot com) I have been trying to cancel CU for YEARS.
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Gym crush saw my mom be rude to the Williamsburg Trader Joe’s cashier
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Every time I go to the gym I’m like pleaaassee please please I hope one of the guys I’ve been awkward to on grindr is there 🤞.
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Rewatching Glee obviously and Quinn Fabray… maybe best female character on television in last 20 years?.
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Have you ever met someone and you just KNOW they live in Homestead?.
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Went to a party last night and met a bunch of people who went to Brown, asked what they all did for work and everyone was like “oh I’m in between things right now” like oh I’m sure.
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The whole “ID on lanyard” thing just proves it really DOES suck to be a 2019.
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Sky already getting dark at 6:45 I can tell this is going to be the winter I go insane and chop up an old pawnbroker.
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Wishing safe travels to all the white girls making their yearly pilgrimage to Boulder for Halloweekend.
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I want to go to school in Colorado because we get all four seasons -- summer, cuffing season, winter, and snip snip season.
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Every time a boy I’ve dated is on Boy Room an angel gets its wings.
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While most of the conflict in the movie "Mean Girls" was created by Cady and Janis, Damien sat back and played the role of the teenaged gay male standing by and enjoying girls attack other girls, a situation all too common in today's world. In this essay I will.
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Getting up for water in the middle of the night using the hinge profile he keeps updating as a flashlight.
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the real important question is can i add silva on snapchat now?? i mean we've texted but like what are we????.
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Couple after couple getting off the train just now for a Valentine’s dinner in Williamsburg in a perfect straight line. Like exactly like all the pairs of animals getting on Noah’s ark two by two.
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Us: defund the police . Democrats: yes ❤️ u mean give the presidency to the guy who wrote the ‘94 crime bill and the VP slot to a former cop, yes, heard u loud and clear ❤️.
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does hillary get bonus points for being a contestant in the debate WHILE babysitting and moderating her opponent?????.
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When you get off the train at the Nostrand Ave C stop they should play a warning over the intercom about the liars, cheaters, and victim players who might be in the station with you….
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He still got it.
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Scary shjt unfolding but content is at an all time god-tier quality right now. The time to doomscroll is now.
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Working with kids is the best job to come back to when you’re home from school because they will not ask you how college is.
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7 billion ppl on this earth and u think ur soulmate lives in Homestead?.
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my mother literally just publicly mistook a bald man for a breast cancer patient and congratulated him on "fighting her battle".
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Send a risky Snapchat at least once per day. What’s life without stirring the pot a little.
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I miss 2003 where the only stress I knew was worrying about how Lindsay Lohan was gonna pull of the guitar solo in her audition even though her mom was in her body in Freaky Friday.
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yall think its not bad out there??? someone defended hitler on my tweet about someone defending hitler.
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I would literally tell her anything I’ve never trusted someone more.
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No I think it rules that every liberal’s response to the news about Trump messing with the mail is like “just use the mail sooner!”. No organizing, no protesting, just “try it sooner guys”. Such a sorry excuse for a resistance party.
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Do u guys know how much we could avoid if we all went to bed at like 10.
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Some of y'alls new year resolution can be to use ur blinker.
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