why couldn't i have more normal strange afflictions? i would literally kill someone to be afraid of spiders or have a piss kink

waterloo, angel eyes, super trouper honorable mentions

wow. Abba's 'The Winner Takes It All' and 'Dancing Queen' just about sum it up. not sure any other songs are needed.

there is a beautiful woman in the chinese shop. i think she is about to cry. there's a hot lump in her throat. tears recruit, marshal, threaten to sally forth—but she fights back. shakes her head. tells them 'No'. and wins. impressive. well done.

sensing he was reaching the limit of his posting technique, he spent much time in contemplation. he resolved to coal 10000 times a day. the first day, it took him 18 hours to write that much coal. after 2 years, it came as naturally as breathing

if i had a girlfriend i would microchip her so that i would never lose her

the way i would be rock hard

i wish there was a way to love someone without requiring anything from them

hold up. just had this thought. egirls... ancient greek deities... stay with me now... we build them shrines and give them divine epithets... pallas. ultor. glaukopis. busts in their likeness with exposed armpits... i think i just hit flow state

it surprises me that they don't ask to come inside

sensitive young fetuses ...

likes aren't meaningless. and they certainly don't mean your post was funny, because it wasn't. it means i see you. i'm here. we have a connection. that despite the vast space between us i love you.

went christmas tree shopping today. kid who helped us was only about 12, 13. already handy with a chainsaw. fresh cut sap on my hands carrying it back to the car. it won't scrub out. all day i'll smell it. its sticky syrup on my fingers. i should call her

oomf is my friend, not an object for my lust. oomf is my friend, not an object for my lust. oomf is my friend, not an object for my lust. oomf is my friend, not an object for my lust. oomf is my friend, not an object for my lust. oomf is my friend, not an object for my lust. oomf

the perfect girl isn't big breasted or small breasted but rather a disembodied voice coming from an earpiece with an omniscient understanding of my situation at any given moment with whom i've developed a sardonic rapport and who is ultimately unattainable

today everything changes. from now on i will redouble my efforts. fitness. celibacy. the pursuit of something greater. it's never worked in the past but this time it will.

wait. i'm kind of like your dog who does tricks (tweets) and you're kind of like my owner who gives me treats (likes)

i know there's a God because when i was 13 my dad caught me looking at Kayle x Morgana yuri and not the other stuff

"when twitter user @ ruffledsavior was asked if it bothered him that 300 other replyguys had been dmed by her, he simply replied, with a joyous face, that: 'he was well pleased to find on twitter 300 men better than himself'"

my brother used to spit in my face