Getting unwanted notifications from bat sh!t crazy politicians that I would never follow = mute

Sorry Spotify, you're very late with this notification, I've been listening to @joywave for many, many years

Good morning ☕️

KC WINS! We are so excited to announce that KC defensive tackle, @DerrickNnadi, and @ZiwiPets are choosing to celebrate the win by paying for the adoptions of all the adoptable dogs currently at KC Pet Project! To learn more visit https://t.co/5eP3udioEE.

Who the f'k smokes a cigar in a Disney restroom

I ended up with an extra ticket for the @TheGCBand show tonight, anyone looking to go?

Topeka area friends be sure to get your tickets early to this one night only event: https://t.co/58FzIEREgW #jinxed #jinxedproductions #haunt #haunted #hauntedhouse #skeleton #clowns #carnival #lightsout

I'm not a Brady fan, but I'm cheering for him because I like Aaron Rodgers even less

Sorry to break it to you, but if your job ad requires experience, that's not an "entry-level" job. It's a regular job that is trying to exploit experienced workers for entry-level pay.

Remember to dispose of your Vote Yes signs responsibly by shoving them up your fucking asses

Jon Stewart: "Every one of those Republicans that voted against healthcare for veterans, voted for the slush fund for the war. They don't support the troops. They support the war machine"

Dog owners be like this is Spike he’s a purebred pedigree worth $13 000 and cat owners be like this is Lord Theodore Willis The Third he’s orange and we found him in an alley

.@JoyAnnReid on how the mostly male lawmakers across the U.S., in charge of legislating how people who can get pregnant live in their own bodies, seem to know little to nothing about how abortion, pregnancy, or even human bodies work. #TheReidOut

It's always "$600 checks two years ago and 50-cent raises for workers are causing inflation" and never "$3 trillion from the Fed to bail out the stock market, $1 trillion in annual corporate stock buybacks and a 1,322% rise in CEO pay since 1978 are causing inflation"

and I’m here, to remind you of the grass you left when you went away… 😂

3,450 pounds of garbage were left behind on Lake Tahoe after 4th of July weekend, which is over twice the haul from the year before. "Patriotic" Americans leaving behind thousands of pounds of trash for environmentalists to clean up is a perfect metaphor for our country's future.

My best friend Dexter had a stroke the day after Christmas, we spent the past six months trying to get him back on his feet and at times we were close, unfortunately he had another more serious one two weekends ago and I had to say goodbye to him today

The Supreme Court on Guns: "The states cannot decide!" The Supreme Court on Abortion: "The states must decide!"

Early start @Blvdia - can't wait until things get started