Ramki
@ramkid
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Once in a while, I tell a twory. Founder, Cartwheel Creative Consultancy
Mumbai
Joined June 2009
Don't wanna be here?
Send us removal request.
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Lupillo
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FELIX ENAMORA A BARCELONA
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Scarlett Johansson
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梅雨入り
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Last Seen Profiles
Pinned Tweet
Everybody hated the old bastard. That he was wheelchair-bound made no difference. He was a cantankerous, foul mouthed, ill tempered, misshapen bundle of vitriol. +
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The Executive Editor of New York Times got a call at 11.45 pm, minutes after he finally managed to to sleep, at the end of a day littered with depressing events. "Damn!", he said, "what's it now?" +
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Nike once famously said, 'You don't win silver. You lose gold.' They would never utter such BS if they saw Avinash Sable in action. He scared the living daylights out of the gold winner - in an event that Kenya habitually wins 1,2,3.
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Young dating couples (in most places), sit opposite each other at a table for four, hold hands, and look into each others eyes. In Bombay they slide into the same side, share earphones and watch a show, Thereby saving space, data, battery life, and time. +
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We all needed Gabba.
Each for our own reasons. Each of us, with our own insecurities, fears, shortcomings, sadnesses, failures, bugbears, broken bodies, bruises, and misfortunes. We needed to see that they could be confronted. And conquered.
We all needed Gabba.
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I've often said Twitter is the place you come to see your idols fall.
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My daughter is always talking to this mysterious Japanese guy called Itar Konashi.
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The meter said 23 rupees. Leena had a few 500s, a 100, and a 20 in her wallet. No coins. The autowala didn't want to fork out change for a 100. He took the 20 rupee note and said in his best Shahrukh impression, 'Kaun kambakht teen rupaye aur kamane ke liye dhandha karta hai?'. +
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The Editor smiled as he sank into his chair. This was the best call he had ever taken in his long career. "Listen, when this pandemic is done and dusted, get that kid and her Dad here on a holiday. At our cost. This is the first time that a gaol has liberated someone."
ANTHE
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I aspire to reach such levels of trivial observation.
Fun fact: If Celine Dion sang only the vowels in her name, it would be in the lyrics to Old McDonalds Farm.
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The best logos are terribly simple. No better example than Tenet, Nolan's latest film, that has the concept of inversion at its core. Genius, isn't it? But there's a twist in the tale. +
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Bombay minds its own business. Every evening, a young MT will stumble out of his office building, sit between a man wearing eye make-up and a woman wearing a power suit, and enjoy a stunning sunset. And he'll never want to leave this city again. (pic by Rohit Dubey).
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The hardest known substance in the world is Horlicks that has solidified inside the jar.
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The waiter mumbled to himself 'CCTV, BCCI, ISD' as he walked to the kitchen. Once there he announced. '2 coffees, 1 tea, 1 vada; 1 bonda, 2 coffees,1 idli; I idli sambar dalke'.
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Photographs are markers of history. Through some serendipitous alignment of timing, composition, angle, frame, light, and human drama, a picture is created that defines the moment like no other can. This is one such photograph.
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A watchman in our society, on an average, lasts 3 months. Just when we get a hang of each other's eccentricities, he disappears. So you have to start all over with the new man. 'Don't ever ring my bell twice... I carry my bags myself, thank you... '. And so on. +
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Why is twitter not going gaga over Ellyse Perry? Played for Australia in two different world cups. Not different editions of the same sport, but different sports altogether.
But it's not like Arjun Tendulkar taking a wicket, is it?
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His first car was a Nano. He knew this was just the beginning. He worked hard. Soon, he got an i20. Then a City, Corolla, Scorpio. An Audi. Finally, he got the keys to his dream car. A Porsche.
"Har roz chakachak dho ke rakhne ka, theek hai?"
"Yes Sir", he answered gleefully.
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There's an American hiding in my computer whose job it is to draw wavy lines under words I type.
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For someone who had 1 follower, Usha tweeted a lot. She RT'd requests for help with the panache of an influencer. Her 1 follower followed her only because she looked like his departed mother.
Sushil Singh, whose O2 level reached 67, owes his life to Usha.
Moral: RTs Save Lives.
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Got locked out of my flat. The key wouldn't work. Called the keysmith. He came with his bag of tools. He turned the key back and forth a few times. The door opened. 15 seconds. 200 rupees. I asked why. He said 'If I opened my suitcase it would have been 500 rupees. At least.'
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A couple in a lift were trying to recall the DD program with Renuka Shahane and that fat man with glasses. As I got off at my floor I said 'Surabhi and Siddharth Kak'.
They looked at me strangely. The guy said, 'Sorry, I think you're confusing us with someone else.'
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As I sit here, randomly reminiscing in this coffee shop, a long way in time and distance from Hotel Raj Mahal, where my privacy was first intruded, I realise why Bombay wasn't just a pit stop for me.
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Didn't realise the number of outstanding songs KK sang over the years. He was the Rahul Dravid of playback singing, allowing others to hog the limelight.
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They have no problem at all if another couple sits opposite them, doing the same thing. In fact, they may not even acknowledge them. That's the amazing thing about this city. Live and let live comes naturally to people here. +
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I don't usually do political tweets. But here's one.
I think Dr. Kalam would have resigned from office if he was President and science was being blatantly abused.
That's it. I'll go back to my usual nonsense now.
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Quite likely, this will be an unpopular opinion. Don't go nuts about it.
I think the IPL is doing more good than bad for us right now. It's a pressure release system at a national scale.
Not to talk about millions of patients who have something to entertain themselves with.
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My father likes to brag. Specially about his athletic abilities. Truth is, he does manage to catch the toast before it falls to the floor. At half his age, I can't do that. "Keeper's reflexes", he says. The rest of us exchange 'there he goes again' glances. Mom just smiles. +
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Between two pani puris, my bhelwala casually asked me if I was interested in a 3 bhk 1300 sqft flat in Khar for 7.5 cr.
And we wonder how Putin's caterer became so powerful.
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He'd have to go, she thought. She couldn't stand the sight, smell, or sound of him any longer. +
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This is a simple thread, recounting a shamelessly eavesdropped conversation in a cab. There's no political angle to it. It's about a change that's happening in India. And it's irrespective of whichever goons are in power. And this gives me some hope. +
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The little boy looked at me with a haunted expression and said, I see anagrams.
My face turned pale. You mean, like word jumbles, I asked.
Yes, he said. He pointed to a sign and asked me what I saw.
STOP I said.
He said, I see POTS. Sometimes, POST, or OPTS or TOPS. +
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The parachute holi khelo khulke outdoor campaign with Deepika looks gorgeous. Well done, whoever.
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My daughter's writing her pre-prelims. The exam protocol demands at least two, and maybe three devices. Two cameras to ensure the field is fudge-free and a document scanner for the finished paper. I'm not even talking about the internet back-ups. If this isn't privilege, what is?
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Does Byju's know that today is a Pythagorean day? 16 square plus 12 square equals 20 square. I can visualise a choreography with 400 dancers led by Shahrukh to demonstrate this.
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Netherlands PM, Mark Rutte, parking his bicycle outside the Dutch Royal House, when he came to meet the King.
An umbrella may have triggered this post. Or it may not have. My phone is very vulnerable.
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If you think solving wordles is easy, try writing a wordle sentence.
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It's one of cricket's great mysteries. You, the readers of this story, will soon get to know what happened. But the 37,341 spectators and millions of TV viewers who watched the encounter between India and Australia in Sydney will never know. Unless they read this too. +
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The Internet has been won by this video. Everybody else, well tried.
Kudos to this couple for recreating Rim Jhim gire sawan. I had a huge grin on my face all through.
#whatsappforward
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I have an appointment with someone today. He said that if there's a change in timing, he'll intimidate me. I'm praying hard now.
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After months of struggling with a lumpy mattress, my wife and I finally got a new one. I don't know what it's made of, but I'll be paying EMIs on it for the next few decades. +
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Here's my plan.
1. Produce an objectionable movie.
2. Name it Boycott to confuse the Boycott lobby
3.
#BoycottBoycott
will sound like a cheer. Like Sachin Sachin.
4.
#ISupportBoycott
will be befuddle everyone.
5. Sing all the way to the bank.
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I always wanted to live in a home that was on a road with a dead end. Little or no traffic, quiet afternoons, kids playing cricket on the road in the evenings. Like a gated community, but without the gates. +
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It started as timepass. While waiting for the school bus to arrive. Ashok and his daughter would search for patterns in registration numbers of cars. Any random pattern. Not heavy duty 'It's the smallest number expressible as the sum of 2 cubes in 2 different ways' level stuff. +
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I love the confidence of people who announce 'This will be the best thing you see today'. What if I watch Kishore Kumar singing Meri Pyari Bindu afterwards?
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He will see a taxi driver from Bihar making a call to his wife after a long day on the road. And an old Parsi couple walking their labrador, discussing the concert they saw at NCPA. And two dudes from Haryana discussing how their auditions for the day went. +
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My daughter reading Maths problem: A conical tent with a height of 9m and diameter of 160m needs 20% extra canvas for folds and stitching...
Me: What kind of ridiculous tent is that?
Daughter: If someone buys 243 watermelons in Maths, you don't ask why.
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When you check if the tea in the cup is over, you know you need another one. And you also know in your heart that it won't be as good as the first one.
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I looked at the waiter in protest. He asked me, very matter-of-factly, "Sambar?"
I looked around. There was no other vacant table. And the young couple were no bother really. And easy on the eye. So I said, "Nahin. Chutney." I was going to like this place. +
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There was no sign of Rakesh. He had vanished.
And so had three cars. Including my beloved SUV.
ANTHE.
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He will loosen his tie, his mind, and his heart. And make room for a young couple in love, to watch the sunset. He will not even notice that anywhere else in the country they would have seemed utterly mismatched for each other.
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Dhruv reached into the box of rubber bands. There were just three left. He smiled nervously. There were almost a dozen a few days ago. He coughed involuntarily. No cheating, he reminded himself. +
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A week later the Executive Editor's phone rang again. "Sir, about that puzzle thing...".
"Yes?", he barked, "Tell me there's no problem."
"Sir, the kid hit Genius five days in a row after that. And yesterday she got all the words, every one of them. She's a Queen Bee." +
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So it's a bit disconcerting when one steps out of this non-judgemental, pragmatic world, to places where waiters will size you up and restaurant capacity will not be optimised. Just as it was when I first came to Bombay from outside. +
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This is the story of how I left from home in a fourth-hand Esteem and returned in a spanking new high-end Mercedes. Sounds crazy, I know. I mean who ever starts a story with the ending? Anyway, here goes. +
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On my first trip here, I walked into an Udupi establishment. Hoping to enjoy a masala dosa in solitude, and hopefully a decent cup of filter coffee. I chose a quiet corner. The solitude lasted 3 minutes. A young couple giggled into the seats opposite me. Like I was invisible +
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My vet is a character who belongs to Malgudi Days. Some day, I might do a thread on him. But today, I feel like putting up a re-usable sign like he does, and taking the day off.
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Meanwhile, we are delighted to be the new creative agency for
@EconomicTimes
. The Sensex has greeted this news with gusto.
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I saw this full page ad in the ET today. As a copywriter, I felt obliged to read the copy. Needless to say, I couldn't leave something as juicy as a Silver Snoopy award ungoogled. +
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Don't know if England has better gents, but they certainly have better detergents.
#BhalaUskiKameezMeriKameezSeSafedKaise
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Main bhi food blogger.
I ordered a masala dosa from Krishna Chhaya yesterday. They sent the dosa and masala separately. I ate the dosa. Refrigerated the masala. And made my own masala dosas at home today. Ohoho!
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I have only one tip for would be entrepreneurs. Make your signature short. Sala, bahut sign maarne padte hain.
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I did something today that I did many times as a kid. Those were the days of botanical timepass.
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The world's most used pay-it-forward system is Bombay auto passengers not collecting the 1 or 2 rupees change due to them, and rick drivers waiving it off when passengers don't have change. Yes, rest of India - that happens. All the time.
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Did you hear about the guy who could never wear t-shirts with a crocodile logo?
He had severe lacoste intolerance.
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"Sir, we need your permission to edit the answers of the live Spelling Bee", said the nervous Head of Puzzles.
"Holy crap, that's what you woke me up for?", he thundered.
"Sir, we've never done something like this. I don't have the authority." +
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The only time you should listen to an armchair expert is when you want to buy an armchair.
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The tormentor of his sleep continued, "The girl's dad says, her hitting Genius could save her life. She said this was the last time she was going to try. Making Genius could give her the strength to face another day, then maybe another. Like that O'Henry story, sir. Last leaf." +
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My friendly pet food supplier sent me seviyan. With an important note attached.
Eid Mubarak.
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Order a pencil on Amazon, and a guy will come on a mobike to deliver it. Order a 15.8 kg (plus cylinder) LPG, and a guy will ride this prehistoric, uncontrollable tricycle through heavy traffic to deliver it.
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Dear cricket statisticians. Can you confirm if the odd ball gets more wickets than the even ball? Commentators certainly have no expectations from the even ball.
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I made a cup of coffee using milk powder, like in my hostel days. I loved it. And realised that a much unlisted ingredient in many a loved recipe is:
Nostalgia - 1 heaped tablespoon.
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Shraddha was sobbing with unalloyed happiness. She kept saying, "Baba, Baba... I did it... I did it...". Bapat, choking on his own tears said, "Yes, you did it, Beta! You are a genius!" +
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I could remember 6 digit numbers for a few seconds, quite easily. Then they started the copy OTP feature.
Soon, I'll forget my name. I'll just auto-fill it when required.
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And, guess what. Nolan replied via email. With classic grace. Acknowledging a phenomenon ad folk are very familiar with. +
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Customer: Sunsilk ka alu jeera shampoo dena.
Shopkeeper: Kya? Aisa kuchh nahin aata.
C: Memsaheb se baat kar lo.(hands phone)
Shopkeeper: Haan madam... Aloe vera shampoo?... Ji bhejta hoon.
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"Sir, I'll try. We just got a distraught call from Mumbai. From the father of a ten year old kid with a terminal condition. She's one point away from hitting Genius. Something she's been trying to achieve for months. And the puzzle will not accept gaol, spelt g..a..o..l." +
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“Architecture should speak of its time and place, but yearn for timelessness.” – Frank Gehry
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Have a bath every day.
Mon - Vangi bath
Tue - Tomatao bath
Wed - Bisi bele bath
Thu- Bagala bath
Fri - Coconut bath
Sat - Tamarind bath
Sun - Head bath
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Comedians (the really good ones, I mean) have a way of seeing the truth. And saying it.
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What happened next took less than a second, but seemed to unfold in slow motion. The screen said 'Good' and then went blank. And reemerged with the picture of a bee and the word Genius. +
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The young lad walked the streets looking for a construction site. When he found one, he walked up to the supervisor and asked for a job. +
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Have you ever wondered if it was a strain for Ravana to balance his heads? Four on one side, and five on the other?
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If you do nothing, we'll automatically renew your subscription. Voila!
To upgrade, just click here. It's so easy.
To cancel, swim across The Amazon, hack your way through the rainforests, hike across The Sahara, conquer K2, cross the road at Saki Naka, and we'll think about it.
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To all those who followed me after the spelling bee story, thank you. Feel free to unfollow after your trial period. Your time starts now.
And yes, wear a mask.
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Bapat grabbed the phone and screen-shotted it just before the puzzle disappeared. And the new one for the day appeared. He hugged his daughter and let out a primal victory cry. +
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About this balcony clapping. It's like happy birthday singing in office for a colleague. If you want to sing, sing. If you don't, don't. It's up to you. You don't have to get all worked up about it.
Btw, I'll clap. I'm in a hospital with my Dad. And I'd like to say thanks.
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"I was in the labour room with you. It was a very difficult and long childbirth. I was screaming in pain. Finally, you came out. A small, slithery, bloody bundle. As the doctor was handing you over to the nurse... you slipped. And Baba took the best catch of his life."
ANTHE.
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"Really?", thought the Editor, "After a day spent grappling with matters of national, nay international importance, is this what I get woken up for? Helping a kid crack a puzzle?" +
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