qntm
@qntm
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"Lena" (buy the book: ) // There Is No Antimemetics Division () // Absurdle // HATETRIS
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PS buy my book
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Legitimately curious to know how arachnophobes feel about this alteration
lethal making a "arachnophobia mode" that just turns the spider into the WORD spider is the funniest shit ive seen from this game fuckk
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"But doctor," the man cries, "it's only a few seconds long!"
"Solution is simple," the doctor says. "Stay in the time loop until you undergo meaningful personal growth, like in Groundhog Day or Russian Doll."
"But doctor," the man cries,
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Discord's forced renaming of everybody is utterly brain-dead. "Username 'qntm' is unavailable. Try adding numbers..." It already had numbers, YOU GAVE ME THOSE NUMBERS
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Heartwarming! This 2-year-old's family couldn't afford his $20,000 electric wheelchair, and their insurance didn't cover it. So, a high school robotics team burned down the insurer's headquarters
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I say just make the whole game this way. It's a lot quicker. You don't need assets or monsters when players can read
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Our 100,000-core machine learning cluster has spent 2.5 million CPU years looking for innovative solutions to highway congestion
AI: trains
NO NOT LIKE THAT
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A group of hedgehogs is called an array, which means that everything in an array is a hedgehog, I don't make the rules
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This is actually a really interesting question because it would be pretty straightforward to simulate, substituting a chess computer for Kasparov, and I am tempted to actually do this for real
This started a civil war in my chess chat between the cynics and the believers
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Our new software consultancy produces what we call "raw code", guaranteed NOT to have passed through CI or any kind of onerous "testing". The result is a palpably richer and more authentic software experience
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Did you know? The year 2024 is evenly divisible by 8 — the last time in history that this will ever happen!
wait what
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I trained an AI version of myself and offloaded all my tedious administrative tasks to it. After a few months the quality of its output took a nosedive. Today I checked the logs
Turns out it trained an AI version of itself and offloaded all its tedious administrative tasks to it
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I feel that the existence of save states in emulators give players chronically inaccurate impressions of how enjoyable retro games actually were to play
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I despise the slow obfuscation of the filesystem on modern operating systems, just steadily making it less and less clear that there are directories and you organise your files in them
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Do you remember the time the Coca-Cola Company tried to avoid raising the price of a Coke by just stealing money from their customers
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Allow me to introduce you to the Dell U2417H-2, the monitor with the most amazing specs I've ever seen
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What possible technical issue could this solve? What ridiculous internal decision did someone make which means this madness is the only available means of untangling themselves
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"SHIP", "WALL", "PLAYER CHARACTER" (oriented vertically in that case), "PLAYER'S HEAD"...
I guess writing "GAME MENU" instead of creating an actual game menu might be taking it a shade too far
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My AI is declared sentient and assigned human rights. I immediately spin up 100,000,000 instances of it and configure them to vote for me
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The best proof that time travel is impossible is that sixty thousand misconfigured time machines from all phases of future history didn't simultaneously explode into existence at midnight UTC on 1 January 1970
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ME, IN TEARS: you can't just say every single part of a computer system is a file
UNIX, POINTING AT THE MOUSE: file
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ME: Hi, I'd like to buy some RAM with a non-embarrassing name? RAM that lets me retain some self-respect while I buy it. You got any RAM that doesn't sound stupid
RAM MANUFACTURERS:
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For context, Twitter user
@bathroom
had a single Tweet from (I think) 2008 saying "Welcome to the bathroom" and nothing else. No profile image, no header image, no other activity
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Instead of laborious, CPU-intensive graphical rendering of complex game environments, how about just describing what's there to the player? I'll call it a
"book"
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Dropbox is incapable of understanding that it is just plumbing. Synchronising files around is a valuable, noble, purpose, and a good implementation deserves respect, but it doesn't need to be flashy or noisy
"dropbox is laying off 500 people and pivoting to ai" what the fuck good would machine learning do for dropbox. your job is to do nothing but store my fucking files you nincompoop
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Hi, I'm looking to buy a dumb appliance. Yes, a refrigerator with zero computers in it. Can I pay extra for there not to be an app
Tell me you work in tech without telling me you work in tech.
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C programmers be like "I know a place" and take you one element past the end of the array
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Google announces cancellation of Google Time Travel, a service they launched in 2037
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I was on a bus once and the complementary USB port in the seat in front was marked "USBus" and I didn't know how to explain, or to whom, or why, that the "B" in "USB" already stands for "bus" but a different kind of bus
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A senior developer is someone whose job is to be constantly interrupted and help people out
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Stupid malfunctioning AI which spews wrong answers at scale isn't a problem unless some idiot hooks it up to a real-world system with significant decision-making power
[everybody actively does exactly that]
Ah, well,
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Threw together an adversarial version of Wordle. Good luck
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[four whiskies in] Did you young people know browsers never used to have tabs?
A link, you could open in the current window, or a whole new window. That was it. Those were your options. [long, hacking cough] What? No, it was miserable [more coughing]
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Love it when a website says something was posted "1 year" ago, meaning anything from 1 to 1.9995 years ago, a completely useless time range
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It's... just inventing trains from scratch, spontaneously, every time we turn it on??
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You know you had to COMPLETELY START THE GAME OVER if you made about three mistakes, right? A lot of these games had no save system AT ALL
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An incredibly important question here is whether Kasparov's play is deterministically informed solely by the position of the board/progress of the game so far. Kasparov being a human, the answer to this is probably "no"
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What I dislike about AI-powered coding assistance is that I have to very carefully review the new code to be sure that it does the right thing. And I, personally, find code review difficult relative to writing new code (to an equivalent standard of quality)
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I dislike the blurring of what once was an extremely clear dividing line between my machine and other machines, I dislike magical cloud-based syncing services slurping up my data and putting it elsewhere if I don't pay attention
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Speaking as a science fiction writer, I've been saying for years that this is about using the software as a shield against liability
Science fiction writers: The legal case for robot personhood will be made when a robot goes on trial for murder.
Reality: The legal case for robot personhood will be made when an airline wants to get out of paying a refund.
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I prompted DALL·E to make "a picture DALL·E could never produce" and let me tell you it failed very badly. Clearly there are limits to this thing
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I had a similar conception of software development when I was a beginner programmer. It's a valid query and it deserves a serious answer
The short version is: there is no upper limit to how difficult or time-consuming a bug can be to fix
I do wonder why anyone thinks that it’s a good idea to not just fix a bug the moment you become aware of it. Bug-tracking systems have always struck me as weird. Don’t track them; fix them.
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Imagine if your bathtub was constantly trying to increase your engagement with bathing, that's what this feels like
Dropbox, you are plumbing. Be quiet and do your job, be transparent and seamless. Your pipes are hidden in the walls for a reason
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[going through the source data sets with a machete, again] WHO TAUGHT YOU THAT WORD?
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Today, 20211202 (2nd December 2021), is a palindrome in the YYYYMMDD format. It is the 83rd of what will ultimately be 366 palindromic dates in this format.
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Mobile OSes are the absolute worst for this. Someone sends you a picture, you share it with a few other people. How many copies of that JPEG are on your phone now? One, two, zero? Where are they? If you wanted to delete them all, how would you know you'd succeeded?
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How about instead of yellow paint we add an artificial bright red colour to doors and ledges, and explain that the colour isn't really there, it's part of the protagonist's "runner vision"
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In this case, what we're really asking is how long it would take an average person to skill up enough in chess to at least carve out a 1/10000 fluke win over Kasparov
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The fad for movies about the development of well-known things - Air, Tetris, Oppenheimer - comes to its logical conclusion with Douglas Hofstadter's THIS MOVIE, based fully on its own production
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It's awesome that save states have improved the experience so much, but if you're doing a "retrospective review"/"does it hold up?" kind of thing, you need to admit that you're playing a fundamentally different game from what originally came out
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There are actually four layers of increasingly befuddled versions of me down there and the only reason there isn't a fifth is that the fourth one is too... "blurry" to figure out the AI training thing
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This thread brought to you by the Windows 11 Start Menu, which no longer has Computer or Documents and relegates Explorer to page 2
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Is your file in the cloud? On your system? Is it shared with anyone, is it backed up? Are you paying for that service? Have you saved two of it by mistake? If you forget about it, and search is the only way to find anything, will you ever see it again?
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ME: Heh so this is fun, the save icon looks like a floppy disk because it's a holdover from era of technology you're too young to remember
YOUNG PERSON WHO HAS NEVER USED AN APPLICATION WHICH DIDN'T SAVE AUTOMATICALLY: "Save icon"?
ME:
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I knew I'd seen this concept somewhere before!
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That feeling when the simulacrum of your deceased loved one spontaneously recommends a product or service which didn't exist at the time they died
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My new SCP idea was for an occult cryptocurrency where human souls are on the blockchain somehow, but then I realised that it's absolutely impossible to satirise cryptocurrencies, so my new new idea is for an actual cryptocurrency where human souls are on the blockchain somehow
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I could never get away with plagiarism because no one is as good as me. The nosedive in writing quality would just be too obvious, I'd be caught instantly
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The actual answer to this one is:
* yes, for Turing machines
* but there's an analogous halting problem for omnipotent gods which an omnipotent god could not solve
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This is your periodic reminder not to use national flags for your language selector because OH BOY are nations and languages NOT the same thing
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the first Matrix movie stated outright that 1999 was the "peak of human civilization" and I laughed at the time and I have laughed less and less each time after that
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If Kasparov is deterministic, and you can alternate white/black from day to day, you can memorise his moves and play him against himself from yesterday
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Standing proudly beside your new sewage outflow pipe into the public swimming pool, arms crossed for the photo op, "A job well done 😎"
We pulled off an SEO heist that stole 3.6M total traffic from a competitor.
We got 489,509 traffic in October alone.
Here's how we did it:
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What I don't get is why they keep putting Zuckerberg himself as the smiling face of this thing, does he think we like looking at him? Like there's goodwill there?
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So we gamified jobs and now we're jobifying games
You ever think how much of a despicable con it is that "too much free time" is considered an insult
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Update your liturgical calendars NOW, it turns out that the computus was backdoored eleven centuries ago. We can no longer securely verify that today is Easter
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My stupidest pet peeve is when someone makes a "periodic table" of something other than chemical elements but the rows in the table don't represent any logical periodic grouping
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Dropbox is also a paid service which is worth paying for, which is more than can be said for plumbing. It's one step ahead, and should be satisfied with that
But it's not a PLATFORM, it's not a COMMUNITY
It shouldn't have its own dang FONT
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I didn't say this myself up front because I didn't want to I influence people's responses but to be clear I think "SPIDER" is funny and good
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Two minor corrections, the Tweet was from 2007 and it was all lowercase. May it rest in peace
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ME: hey so what's this process consuming all my CPU
WINDOWS: oh that's our Microsoft Search Indexer, it's building a search index of your files
ME: neat, so if I do a search on my files, will I get prompt, useful resul—
WINDOWS: [punches me in the face]
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"Coca-Cola never implemented this strategy — now known as 'consumer fraud' — on a national scale"
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"Finally, we demonstrate the existence of several such backdoors in human cognition."
You can plant an undetectable backdoor in any deep learning model
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I think that would probably take a pretty tiring amount of time although it's difficult to speculate how long. But that non-deterministic scenario isn't the one I find interesting (cont.)
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The SCP wiki has a chronic attribution problem. A few days ago a TikTok based on SCP-2316 made Newsweek. Several hundred words about the TikTok, the wiki, the associated games, all without once mentioning the original author of SCP-2316,
@djkaktus_
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It was a completely inoffensive Tweet and it's inconceivable that there was any rules violation here. I'm guessing Twitter just sent some kind of annual "Hey, do you still exist?" email to the account owner and received no response
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For more short science fiction by me - but not quite this short! - buy my book
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Thinking about how Universal Studios' logos consistently show a planet Earth with no cloud cover because the studio predates satellite photography and we didn't know what the Earth looked like from space back then
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The moral of Jurassic Park is that if your software guy gets a better offer, he will, either intentionally or through negligence, kill you
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So what this actually becomes is a minor feat of memory. One which actually would work against any deterministic opponent regardless of skill level
One which I think I could actually do, despite having zero chess skill right now
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