pinball lizard
@probablyalissa
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Simply too short to ever be meaningful • she/her
california ⇨ chicago
Joined April 2014
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A man having no female friends is an enormous red flag
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After six miserable months, I am gainfully employed again
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reminder that adding an x doesn’t make it more woke!! it is FINE to just say “women” or “folks” or “karl marks”
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I’m at the beach that makes you old drinking the lemonade that kills you
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“kill them with kindness” wrong. crow attack
🐦⬛🐦⬛🐦⬛🐦⬛🐦⬛🐦⬛🐦⬛🐦⬛🐦⬛🐦⬛🐦⬛🐦⬛🐦⬛🐦⬛🐦⬛🐦⬛🐦⬛🐦⬛🐦⬛🐦⬛🐦⬛🐦⬛🐦⬛🐦⬛🐦⬛🐦⬛🐦⬛🐦⬛🐦⬛🐦⬛🐦⬛🐦⬛🐦⬛🐦⬛🐦⬛🐦⬛🐦⬛🐦⬛🐦⬛🐦⬛🐦⬛🐦⬛🐦⬛🐦⬛🐦⬛🐦⬛🐦⬛
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She looks like those photoshopped pics of Kyle Rittenhouse
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He gives more with this look than some actors do in their entire career
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people ask me “are your boobs natural?” like no they’re actually supernatural. very haunted. they’re big because of all the ghosts.
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He also offered her a high five down low but then pulled his hand away, accusing her of being “too slow.” Pure evil.
While the American news media is running stories about this lady’s imagination let’s see what she has to say about the children of Gaza
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it's not that i think "we need the equivalent of rap beef in movies or games", i just think more art needs to be made by real haters
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the personal life section of nathan fielder’s wikipedia page is absolutely perfect.
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If you are a man and a woman told you she doesn’t want you having female friends, that is a red flag on her part
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i feel such a connection to this adorable drawing by engels, so i embroidered her ♥️
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I love when people insist laziness isn’t real. I promise you, it’s very real.
hiiii, you aren’t lazy. That’s not even a real thing. You are under supported, over stimulated, under stimulated, exhausted, sad, dealing with a million competing priorities AND you are doing your absolute best. You need more rest and more care. You are perfect as you are.
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according to his standup, john mulaney's dad once told him that he has the moral backbone of a chocolate eclair, and with every passing day that seems more and more accurate
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gifted kid burnout is very real, it’s hard to be told how smart and talented and perfect you are and then become an adult who can only think of one subject to tweet about forever
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i get that tiktok’s censoring is really excessive but using little euphemisms for sexual assault like “trying mascara without my consent” is totally insufferable and confusing. use your adult words, please.
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ok so what is up with this giant population of lgbtq, disabled, zionist zoomers with pic crew avis and the worst opinions known to mankind
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hey i’m super excited for our date (: i was thinking we could go to a police station
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Sometimes I think I’m the world’s biggest disaster and then I remember her ♥️
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It’s stuck in my head and now it can be stuck in yours too
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What you expect an orgy to be like vs what it’s actually like
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Sometimes i think about this guy I saw on hinge a few months ago. I really hope he found a white woman with black hair.
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Weight loss is fatphobic is probably my least favorite discourse. Grow up!
A reminder that celebrating weight loss reminds your fat friends how much you hate looking like them.
🙃🫣🫠
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hey can i get 30 comforting words please? no i don’t want any pizza
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Yeah I love Dune 2. Dune 2 others as I want Dune un2 myself 🤣🤣🤣
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This is the absolute worst kind of guy
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wow i can’t believe that this joke fully cancelled the letter x and now you’re never allowed to use it again 😌
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normalize telling hot people that their art isn’t good
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at the barstool bar. they don’t even have barstools??
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you are all taking this way too seriously. just agree with me that he sucks and enjoy your day.
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pay off your debt. just do it. it’s only $140,000. go live life.
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“unfashionable” is not a protected class
@GramsciGordon
@LouisatheLast
@wapplehouse
Policing women's clothing is, in fact, an act of bigotry.
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Getting soft launched probably feels so good for a boyfriend
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This might just be the worst thing I’ve read on here
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👁️💋👁️
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Everything this woman says makes me like her more and more
Miriam Margolyes, known for her role as Professor Sprout in ‘Harry Potter,’ reveals she turned down a role for a Marvel film:
“I don’t like America and I didn’t want to be in Georgia for four months.”
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Wow dude. This sucks ass. You ruined it. You’re a complete failure and everyone hates you.
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wow, two single term presidents in a row!
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“just get an IUD!” and “just get a vasectomy!” are both terrible pieces of advice that i am so very tired of seeing thrown around constantly
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You know that episode of Seinfeld where Elaine stops having sex and becomes a moron?
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sylvia plath knew exactly what she was talking about when she wrote “you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take”
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On Monday I turned 27 and today I found this. Well, it’s been fun.
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Do these jobs actually exist? I do not believe that they do. Feel free to prove me wrong by linking job listings.
a fake email job is not all that desirable. you'll work 1h a day and be bored out of your mind for $150k a year. it's like premium unemployment
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nightmare blunt rotation: my grandpa, jameela jamil, tucker carlson, and charlotte clymer
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Just came across the worst name I’ve ever seen in my life…
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TBT to the funniest thing people have gotten mad at me for on here
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