I don’t feel like we are too far from #Trump pardoning Vance Boelter.

Costco bananas look like #JayLeno rn

The feds were all proud that they caught Diddy. Honestly though with 1000 bottles of lube at your house, it’s only a matter of time before you get caught slipping.

I asked Alexa to play “Part of the Process” by Morcheeba & she started playing “Float On” by Modest Mouse. Good song, but it wasn’t the vibe. Now the screen in the kitchen keeps suggesting I play Float On. Is Alexa just a MM fan? Did they pay money to get in my algorithm? 😂

JBL Salesman: “Wait, you want a speaker for every active football player on the Ohio State roster? Why not just try a pair of our noise canceling headphones?” Devin Brown: “I will need everyone on the team to drown out the inevitable weak excuses Ryan Day is going to provide.“

It’s the circle of life - at some point we all become tech support.

Trying to watch @hulu at home and the ads just keep looping. Broken. Even powercycled my apple TV. It's dogshit. Not worth a cent.

Friendly reminder that Mel Tucker’s salary is over a milly more than CMU’s football revenue. 10-7 at the half. SMH.

“I’m like a nice trash can, man. I’m a Simple Human.” - @tedlasso Episode 3, Season 5, April 2027.

Imagine if video games were fair. Like - here’s the new version of the game, but because it’s only 42% done we’ll only take 42% of your money. Each time we add something to it we’ll take the appropriate amount until you have the whole game. #CallofDuty franchise - looking at you

Down goes @AlabamaFTBL !!! Bonafide Classic game for @Vol_Football

Watch The Throne might go down as the best 2 MC collab album of all time.

Ohio deserves better than @daveyostOH -

The most exciting rapper out right now - @TheRealSymba . Amazing bars, message, delivery.

Accidentally googled @pepsi with my #safesearch off.

Imagine being so soft that @Eminem taking a knee Lose Yourself at the #SuperBowl bothers you. It’s not even “during the National Anthem” that is a trigger anymore. Wait, should we make Lose Yourself the National Anthem?

Let’s just to that every #halftime show. Cool?

"Shout out to everyone who remembers when they added red balloons to Lucky Charms" he screamed into the empty void of the internet.

Had a dream that #nickleback started touring again and all their fans went and got Covid-19. Let’s work together to make my dream a reality and clean up these streets.

The unprofessional announcer bias of this Alabama and Texas A&M game is cringe.#Alabamavsaggies