My teacher was quite interested in the story of me stepping on a needle

I know most of my tweets are jokes but this is 100% legit i was on tik tok today and i scrolled on a vid and this bitch was peeing and i could see till i read the caption which was “day 1 peeing hard” im just i

Hey siri what is a milk sandwich

So ive recently decided to take a more conservative approach to life so i recently adopted a kitten and ive been using essential oils instead of vaccinations and she has been acting quite strange latley

https://t.co/DwXnIoIr4O

This ugly bitch whos boyfriend drank a cup of bodily fluid is judging me stop

https://t.co/iOxcgA83DL

My dad though the peppermint essential oils were eye drops

“Jealousy is a disease bitch get well soon XOXO”

The mcdonalds workers dont like it when you put urinal cakes in the drink dispenser

Today i learned that if you twist the pipes under the scholl sink it leaks so whoops

Pretzel sticks be like | | | |

My bus driver just spilled her coffee on the poor Indonesian girl

The face you make when it’s 4:32 am and you don’t remember whether or not that’s a glass of apple juice or the piss cup.

Seaweed wrap but with raw bacon

Hey @peta #donate my sister put my fish in her bong and then fed it to my cat and i think he be trippin

I just recalled that I pissed on the tiles in the guest bathroom and my pet iguana got toxic shock from it