Paula Poundstone
@paulapoundstone
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Media
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Statuses
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New tour dates. Podcast NOBODY LISTENS TO PAULA POUNDSTONE New albums CATS, COPS AND STUFF, PAULA POUNDSTONE GOES TO COLLEGE streaming worldwide.
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Joined January 2009
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GPT-4o
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Luka
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#บุ้งทะลุวัง
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Dallas
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#GmmTreatFourthBetter
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Change Fourth Manager
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Mavs
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#LINEMANคุ้มชัวร์xOffGun
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Shai
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Gunther
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書類送検
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Ilja
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LINE MAN OFFGUN
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スナック
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スクエニ
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Jリーグカレー
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Doncic
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Chet
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로즈데이
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引退会見
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違法ケシ発見
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It turns out the wealth gap in this country isn’t just between us and Joe Rogan. It’s everywhere, and we’ve got author Matthew Desmond here to discuss the dynamics between the haves, the have-nots, and the have-a-podcasts. And then, it’s a very special Toni’s Craft Corner!
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You know what's really great? We told Betty White that we loved her while she was still alive.
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I heard a frustrated Democrat on the radio say, "We voted in 2020." That's like saying, "I fed the baby yesterday."
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I'm sorry that Diamond died, but I'm even sorrier that she spread anti-vax propaganda. Who knows how many people she killed with that message?
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I hate it when people talk about "real America" referring to non-urban areas in the midwest. We're all equally real, and by the way, cities have more of us.
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We can right this ship, but at this moment in time, voting Democrat is the ONLY way to do it. And, people who don't like to vote? Do it anyway. We need you.
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I'm really enjoying not having COVID. I'm vaxxed, boosted, I try to keep my distance from people, and a wear a KN95 mask. It's quite pleasant, really.
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Nikki, it's possible that when you were growing up, like me, you just weren't aware of much of what was going on in the country. It's important that, as adults, we try to inform ourselves, instead of trying to recreate our own ignorance.
Do you remember when you were growing up, do you remember how simple life was, how easy it felt? It was about faith, family, and country. We can have that again, but to do that, we must vote Joe Biden out.
#RTM2023
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Dear
@POTUS
, Thanks for the 32% drop in households reporting they didn't have enough food. Keep going, Sir.
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Oh, my god, I was just in a public restroom, and Pete Buttigieg and his husband came in with bicycles, and electric cars.
#weird
.
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Dear Christians in America,
Your views count, just not more than anyone else's. That's important. Remember why people left England to begin with. It wasn't cause they didn't like The Beatles.
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Excuse me, Sir, where is the Earthen Vessels’ restroom?
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Dear Marjorie Taylor Greene,
If your husband has evidence of voter fraud, it should have been in the hands of the courts 2 years ago. It wasn't, because he doesn't.
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Retweet if you are comfortable with Donald Trump going to jail, if that’s what a jury finds?
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I don't know why I should be surprised by Republicans' refusal to fix the border problem, for fear of giving Joe Biden a "win." This is the same party that kept hostages in Iran while Carter was in office so that Reagan could be in office when they were released.
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There are absolutely NO good reasons to not want everyone to vote.
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Dear
@POTUS
, Thanks for the low unemployment rate. I know there's tons of problems to work on, but you've really helped with unemployment. Keep going, Sir.
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You know what I can't figure out? Why is it that 70 % of us, who believe in a woman's right to choose, are at the mercy of a Supreme Court most of whose members lied about the issue before the Senate Judiciary.
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Mask up, and keep your distance. The saddest deaths in war are on the day before the peace.
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I'll take the old guy who made it so Medi-care could negotiate with pharmaceutical companies, forgave many college loans, helped steer us through financial crisis caused by COVID, believes that love is love, doesn't worship dictators. Ya, I'll take THAT old guy. Thank you
@POTUS
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I find that, just before I go for a walk, I can pour a bunch of Fritos into my mask, and just chomp away while I'm walking. Some fall out, but it doesn't matter, I'm outside.
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I think the "Trump or Death" flags pretty much ends the "is it a cult?" argument. It is.
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If the Supreme Court is so into "States' rights," why couldn't Colorado and Maine take Trump off of their ballot?
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See, when your President isn't a giant fuck, you can take a few easy minutes to talk about Fritos.
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If everyone who thinks Elizabeth Warren would make the best President, of all of the candidates, would just vote for her, and stop worrying about what everyone else is going to do, she'd win.
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As DeSantis, and other authoritarian lovers, ban books, please don't forget that teaching slaves to read was a crime. You know why? When people read they are harder to control.
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If Republicans really believed "antifa" was behind the Jan. 6 attack on the Capitol, they'd want a Jan. 6 commision. They don't.
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Dear Merrick Garland,
As an American citizen, I call for an investigation into the money paid to Jared Kushner and Ivanka Trump during their time at the White House, including just after they left, when Jared Kushner received 2 billion dollars from Saudi Arabia. Thank you.
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I like, when
@maddow
tells a story that has several pieces that must be known to understand it. She begins with something small, and builds. She might start with, "Look at this bobby pin."
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Marjory Taylor Greene misspoke. That elementary school didn't receive 5.1 billion for diversity education. They raised it with a bake sale. The cookies were really big. Bless her heart.
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Get up. Love people. Try to make things better. Repeat.
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I live on a named street, which interrupts a long series of numbered streets. Sometimes people come to my door mistakenly. I explain to them how they got confused. They say, “sorry.”,” I say, “no problem at all.”
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I am just putting the finishing touches on a letter to Brad Raffensperger asking him to make me President.
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If I may, I don't know Michelle Wolf, but I think she was trying to say that it makes us angry to be lied to. Sometimes women make the mistake of expecting more from other women, and so we hold Sarah Huckabee Sanders accountable for spreading the lies of Donald Trump.
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I would fly into Richmond, Virginia and walk to D.C., before I would ever fly into an airport named after Trump.
Some Republican Members of Congress now want to rename Washington Dulles airport after a certain ex-President now running to regain the White House.
Anybody here got an opinion on this proposal?
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Dear Twitter,
Calm down. Let me put it this way. I really like listening to Katie Porter. She seems smart, and thoughtful.
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What if, when he's indicted, we do a line dance across the whole country?
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Never
Who here has never seen a episode of The Kardashians ?
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Do you assholes think that Twitter has reduced the level of our public discourse?
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Dear President Carter,
When it's cold inside I set the thermostat to 65, and put on a sweater. I have also joined in Habitat for Humanity builds, which are really fun. Thank you for your decency.
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Dear
@maddow
,
I've tried to adjust to your new schedule. I listened to your podcast ULTRA, twice. It's REALLY good. I look forward to seeing you on Mondays. Still, it's not working for me. I miss you. I miss it when you say, "Boy howdy."
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The right actually tries to shame people for caring about one another. It's not gonna work on me.
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VACCINATIONS SHOULD BE REQUIRED TO FLY ON AN AIRPLANE. If you are not vaccinated, and you need to travel, the country is beautiful, drive across it.
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Jim Jordan spoke of "real Americans" in a recent statement. How do you tell, Jim? Do you cut them open? Do they spit in a tube? Or do they just agree with you?
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Dear Inhabitants of Another Planet,
This is really not a good time for us to have you over.
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DEMOCRATS need to educate voters on the fact that the current inflation is largely a result of COVID. It is global. The President is not in charge of it. If he was, it wouldn't be global.
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The reason DeSantis didn't drop out earlier is that he was waiting for his knee pads to come in the mail.
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Dear Georgia,
Please elect Stacey Abrams.
Love, your pal,
Paula Poundstone
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Dear Ted Cruz, There's only one person in the world who would touch your feet, and you let Trump call her ugly.
Why be so cheap? Give everyone $1 million a day, every day, forever. And three soy lattes a day. And a foot massage.
We have a magic money tree — we should use it!
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Dear President Obama, I miss you. I miss the heart and brains that you brought to your job. I miss hearing you speak. I miss your choice of words. I miss your humanity. I miss feeling hope.
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I have an idea! How about if we open up schools AFTER we get a handle on the growing pandemic? Case numbers are currently growing in 39 states.
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Dear
@RepRaskin
,
Breathe deeply. Drink a lot of water. Spend time with trees. And, know that tons of us love you, admire you, and feel such gratitude for you. If you need any amusing little stories, please call.
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Diane, I worked graveyard at an Ihop in Orlando. I had to buy nylons. I bought L'eggs, and I kept my money in the plastic egg.
Does anyone remember the pantyhose that came in an egg? Please say yes. I hate to think I am the only senior citizen on Twitter!
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Dear
@alanalda
, when I was 18, I lived on a Greyhound bus for a couple of months, while I went to club around the country. I had almost no money, but I would put quarters into the little tvs at the stations to watch MASH. It was money well spent.
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Let's not welcome fascism because eggs are expensive.
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My hat is off to people who are taking dance lessons to prepare for Trump's indictment. It's good to be ready.
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I am a Pro-Life Democrat, and let me tell you what that means: It means I believe in a woman's right to choose whether to carry out a pregnancy, and it means that when child is born it should live a life without fear of being shot or persecuted.
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My Atheism is as important to me as anyone else's religious beliefs.
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I talked to some audience members who told me they felt safe at Babeville in Buffalo, tonight, because the theater required proof of vaccine, and masks. Congrats, Babeville in Buffalo, way to take care of your audience.
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I want to thank people who have gotten vaccinated, and those who wear their masks. I want to thank people who speak kindly to one another, and try to remember that we are all in this together. It's helpful. Thank you.
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Trump deserves a military send off with only the troops he served with when he was in the military.
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Anybody want to take this bet? The Mike Pence book will be the least revealing, least reflective book ever written. Some pages may even be empty.
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These story of the Georgia election worker, and her mother, and her grandmother is heartbreaking. I am so sick of this shit.
#VoteBlueOrWeAreScrewed
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I don't want to get out ahead of myself, but what wine goes with getting our democracy back?
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Dear Stephen Miller, there's something I was hoping you could drop off at Bill Barr's house for me.
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Oprah, who has some wonderful qualities, really fucked up sticking us with Dr. Oz, Dr. Phil, and Dr. Drew.
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my hand is up.
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Here's an idea: Make it so the most amount of Americans can vote.
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I hope the speeches at Barron's graduation are really long, and that there are lots of solos in the orchestra's version of Pomp and Circumstance.
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Vote NO on the recall of Gavin Newsom. Voting day is SEPT. 14.
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How about if we spy on men, and if a man isn't wearing a condom during sex, the neighbor/spy gets a big cash prize, and a boat?
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If Republicans in Congress, and beyond, weren't culpable for Jan. 6, they'd be desperate to know who tried to kill them.
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Nor the way he struggled to recover from polio in order to dance in the New York ballet. The guy is an inspiration.
Everyone is making fun of George Santos but the courage he displayed as a dive-bomber pilot at the Battle of Midway in World War 2 should not be forgotten.
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Dear Mike Johnson,
When god spoke to you, did he have an accent? Was it just a voice, or was a bush on fire? Or was the voice coming out of a cat or a toothbrush or a tea pot?
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Lily Tomlin laughs at me behind my back (not really, it was a show). Photo by Lawrence K. Ho Los Angeles Times may have captured the highlight of my life. Happy birthday, Lily Tomlin!
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The P.J. O'Rourke news is stunning. I was not aware that he was sick. He was my favorite Republican. I'm sure we disagreed about some stuff, but he was smart as a whip, kind, respectful, encouraging, supportive, and we worked, and laughed together.
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I stumbled upon the Portrait Museum in DC, and just when I was feeling alone, I found my friend and hero, Lily Tomlin.
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I wish people would stop saying, "The protest on Jan. 6, turned violent." It didn't "turn violent," it was planned to be violent.
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I guess we have the answer to Trump’s question, “What do you have to lose?” by voting for him. We’ve lost lives, livelihoods + democracy.
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I hold the door for the person behind me. It’s a genderless kindness.
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I'm posting this again because it makes me happy.
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Just to keep myself going, I like to spend some time each day thinking about what song we'll sing when we take to the streets, flooded with joy and relief, when Biden wins.
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Dear Italy,
Your great grandparents hated Mussolini so much that, after he was executed (so there was that), they hung his corpse in a town square, and people peed on him, and someone put a dead mouse in his mouth. He seemed like a great idea in the beginning, though.
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I think it was the kindness of
@HamillHimself
's tweet that got me through my improvements, after a difficult day. What does that tell us about the power of loving one another?
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I just want to point out that "Who is the President of the United States?" is a question they ask people to tell if they are sane.
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Well said,
@HamillHimself
, and
@Schwarzenegger
. Thank you, both.
"It all started with lies & lies & lies...Patriotism means standing by the country, not standing by the President."
Thank you for having a servant's heart, Arnold. 🙏
This is now my favorite
@Schwarzenegger
film... EVER.❤️
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Bill Clinton could have sex with Loretta Lynch on the tarmac and I would still vote for Hillary Clinton. She's running against Donald trump.
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Did everyone hear Trump say that if you don't like "our religion" we don't want you here? Do you understand that if he gets elected there will never be another election?
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I saw Susan Collins was trending, and I was concerned.
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Dear Gun Enthusiasts,
Enthuse over something else.
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The force of democracy is strong within him. Thank you
@HamillHimself
.
@HamillHimself
just said it ALL! RT IF YOU FEEL THE SAME PATRIOTIC DUTY AS LUKE SKYWALKER!
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