Patrick Albanese
@patrickalbanese
Followers
650
Following
55K
Media
94
Statuses
10K
I’m a magician and actor by trade, who moved from L.A. to the Midwest in order to pursue my showbiz dreams.
Joined June 2008
After watching Kamala yet again dodge answers, I realized she has no answers.
0
2
13
It’s kind of funny. They try to paint Kamala as your ordinary American because she worked at McDonald’s, but at the same time they denigrate a job at McDonald’s by saying “I would never put that on my resume.”
0
1
8
New Mayor of Chicago promises to deal with looting problem by forcing stores to provide curb side pick up on larger items.
0
0
12
There are 3 phases in life: 1) You don’t swear in front of your kids 2) You do swear in front of your kids 3) Your kids swear in front of you
1
0
14
Drove past the movie theater. Two films competing with each other. The new Clint Eastwood flick and the Tammy Faye Baker story. It’s Cry Macho vs Cry Mucho.
1
0
10
Here's 2020 in a nutshell: We’ve replaced FOMO (Fear of missing out) with FOGO (Fear of going out), and YOLO (You only live once) with YOLA (You only lay around).
0
2
10
I don't know about the rest of you, but the debate last night really moved the needle for me. It moved it an inch closer to my carotid artery.
0
0
1
Can I put the babysitter down as a dependent? We do let her eat some of our leftovers, and she uses the WiFi.
0
0
3
Now that Seattle’s CHOP has been dismantled, can a former resident put that on a resume? “What kind of management experience do I have you ask? Well, I did run a city. No wait! Scratch that. It was a country! After I left they never tried to replace me. I was that good.”
0
0
1
Rioters broke into a high end art store on Melrose Avenue in L.A. They emerged empty handed saying, “I don’t get it. Is that stuff worth anything?”
0
4
14
Due to Coronavirus Minneapolis has been ordered to provide curb side pickup for looters.
0
3
12
Our daughter turned 11 today. Thanks to Coronavirus we couldn’t have people over. But that wasn’t the only thing that was different. We couldn’t get through Happy Birthday without washing our hands. It’s automatic now.
4
2
17
Advantages of working out at home: 1) No waiting for equipment 2) "Eye Of The Tiger" not playing on a loop in the background 3) Naps between sets. (Occasionally naps between reps)
0
0
9
I’ve been doing my due diligence, washing my hands multiple times a day and singing happy birthday twice each time. Today in the mail I got a bill for $187.32 in royalties.
1
1
8
We’ve got to stop treating this Armageddon thing like it’s the end of the world.
0
1
4
I haven’t experienced Social Distancing like this since Prom night.
1
0
3
TP'ing houses is no longer called Vandalism. It is considered an act of kindness.
0
2
4
2 days in a row now without an Illinois governor in prison. It feels so weird.
0
0
2
Today I will be hosting my 2nd annual March Against Activism. No one showed up last year, including me.
0
1
2