Patrick Kidd
@patrick_kidd
Followers
19,514
Following
2,934
Media
1,677
Statuses
82,724
Writes The Times's Diary column. Author of The Weak Are A Long Time In Politics: . Also churchwarden at @asblackheath
Joined March 2011
Don't wanna be here?
Send us removal request.
Explore trending content on Musk Viewer
Robert Fico
• 242180 Tweets
Slovakia
• 145560 Tweets
Wicked
• 88558 Tweets
Newcastle
• 65928 Tweets
Assassin's Creed
• 58089 Tweets
Antony
• 48348 Tweets
Brighton
• 46444 Tweets
Gordon
• 43796 Tweets
Ubisoft
• 40191 Tweets
Amad
• 38175 Tweets
Yasuke
• 36425 Tweets
Stones
• 32765 Tweets
Cole Palmer
• 29629 Tweets
#MUNNEW
• 26060 Tweets
Nkunku
• 25377 Tweets
Scrap
• 24051 Tweets
$CTA
• 23169 Tweets
Cádiz
• 23151 Tweets
Mainoo
• 17847 Tweets
Nitro
• 17121 Tweets
Celta
• 12942 Tweets
Japão
• 11888 Tweets
Amrabat
• 10763 Tweets
#AtalantaJuve
• 10489 Tweets
Orioles
• 10159 Tweets
Bruno Fernandes
• 10084 Tweets
Last Seen Profiles
This is a Churchillian speech by Boris. Although by Churchill I mean the nodding dog from the insurance adverts.
89
1K
7K
Stephen Hawking and Jim Bowen dying on the same day. I see they kept to the rules that the non darts player goes first.
102
2K
7K
Lib Dem landslide, SNP take Cornwall and the Isle of Wight. Tories wiped out
61
482
5K
I reckon Corbyn has only another two or three elections left in him before Labour ask him to move on
60
308
3K
I've got a feeling that the Sunday papers are going to completely overlook the good news that Grant Shapps announced about dualling of the A66 across the Pennines.
112
317
3K
While today’s news is a pain for many, it’s still not as bad as being nine months pregnant and arriving in a strange town on Christmas Eve only for your husband to admit he’d forgotten to book a hotel room.
52
289
3K
As we near the election, I share the story of Adlai Stevenson, campaigning against Eisenhower, being told by a woman that "every thinking person will be voting for you".
Stevenson replied: "Madam, that's not enough. I need a majority."
16
699
2K
A few election thoughts: Tribalism is a cancer in politics, enhanced by social media. The idea that my side is virtuous and yours is evil, that all Tories are heartless, all in Labour are brainless, all Brexiters racist and all Leavers traitors is depressing, unhelpful and wrong
72
458
2K
It’s not just the inquisition of Andrew Neil and Julie Etchingham that Boris Johnson lacks the confidence to face. Tonight was the second hustings in his constituency. Like the first he declined the invitation. Cameron in 2015 and May in 2017 both did local hustings.
55
1K
2K
@PickardJE
It’s a Wonderful Life. When George Bailey, realising he’s broken, suddenly clutches his child with a look of utter anguish. Also when the townsfolk start pouring in money.
87
80
2K
I’m a bit concerned by the lack of photos of coke-addled England supporters storming the gates at Wembley and trying to launch fireworks from their buttocks. Is there no sense of tradition in the women’s game?
34
189
2K
Spoke to an elderly friend who wisely is staying in but struggling with online shop. He tried to order bananas from Waitrose and specified 1, thinking they meant bunches. They sent him 1 banana. Next shop he specified 6. They sent him 61. At least his potassium levels are good.
45
153
2K
Nice to have one of my old stories, from almost exactly ten years ago, do the rounds again (uncredited as usual but glad it still amuses)
22
231
2K
Times front page: "Queen's frustration with May"
Times back page: "Palace call for Allardyce"
Now that is one hell of an unexpected twist
23
1K
1K
This is what Twitter should be used for, an outbreak of mass wisteria.
46
230
1K
Well said, Mr Love. A terrible sign of decline at Cambridge.
6
217
1K
Every PM who lost the support of so many of her MPs would resign, says Corbyn more than two years after 80% of his MPs voted to remove him as their leader.
51
403
1K
Thought on the Rudd memo: it was sent last June; in the previous month she’d almost lost her seat, buried her father, dealt with two terror attacks and government was struggling to prove viability. Plus civil service work backlog because of purdah. We’d all miss things in circs
311
443
1K
Lord Palmer, whose family made their money in biscuits, secured a debate on food waste in 2021 in which his only contribution was to say that "sell-by dates are far too cautious. I remember once eating a biscuit that was 20 years old. It was perfectly edible".
Sad farewell to the 4th Lord Palmer, who has died at the age of 71. He was the owner of the world's only silver-plated staircase.
19
30
317
25
109
1K
Disappointing that Lisa Nandy's leadership slogan is "We Win Together" not "Do You Hear The Drums For Nandy?"
25
118
1K
Can't we just get Andrew Neil to negotiate with the EU?
31
421
987
Bishops react to PM: Leeds: “lied to, patronised, treated as mugs”; Ripon: “integrity, trust, leadership never there”; Liverpool: “treat people like sheep who can be fooled”; Willesden: “the full Trump”; Reading: “has made his task of leading us through this crisis much harder”
32
462
1K
On Her Majesty's Secret Cervix
Keir Starmer says James Bond should be played by a woman next.
He told ITV: "I don't have a favourite Bond, but I do
think it's time for a female bond."
1K
57
237
57
146
992
Surprised Gove has moved to housing and local government. With his special interests I thought he might go to the Ministry of Sound
18
110
978
Remarkably, Liam Fox is now only the third most disgraced former defence secretary of the past eight years.
12
310
930
Let's all club together and buy Ann a drum kit and encourage her to practise at 3am.
55
72
889
I still think it would have been easiest to give us blue passports and just tell people we've left the EU without actually doing it.
23
163
916
Census form asks for a self-assessment of your health. Disappointed there isn’t an option that says “mustn’t grumble”
32
65
881
Momentum: the least aptly named force in politics since Lord Adonis
24
159
871
Tomorrow’s Budget, at 3.30pm, is being shown on BBC Two. At the same time on BBC One is Money for Nothing, followed by Flog It and then Pointless. Who says that there’s no place for satire in tv scheduling?
2
295
850
Assuming Sunak is the next PM, he'll be the first to have studied at Lincoln College, Oxford, following Merton, Balliol, Hugh's, Brasenose, St John's, Somerville, Jesus, Christ Church, Univ, Trinity and Hertford. A great day for diversity
31
124
853
Splendid line by
@MattChorley
in his
@timesredbox
email: “The race to be the next prime minister is probably the only example of a robot being replaced by a low-skilled worker.”
7
313
839
I thought the Sumerians generally wrote on tablets
23
86
841
A reminder at this time of year that you shouldn't panic if you think you have lost your sense of taste. You could just be eating turkey.
10
68
840
Jo Swinson's doing rather well on Andrew Neil. Standing up for what she believes in forcefully, not evasive. People may dislike her policies but at least they know what they are.
23
200
825
Delighted George Osborne has come so far in journalism after failing to get a Times traineeship in 1993. A lesson to all eager youngsters
33
506
800
Just had flashback watching leadership debate to when Eric Pickles, for reasons I can’t recall, was asked for his greatest weakness in an interview and replied: “I eat too much and I like cowboy films.”
19
115
803
Ten years, three prime ministers, a couple of mice and one long spat with Palmerston. Wrote this for
@AirMailWeekly
on Downing Street’s great survivor,
@Number10cat
11
70
792
I hope she’s holding out for a halo.
The Pope has invited Bonnie Tyler to come and sing at the Vatican.
83
32
395
15
105
783
Well said Eleanor Clark. After a grumpy reader wrote that those who got their A levels last year should have an asterisk after their results to show they were school-assessed, she suggested the same indication of relative worth could be applied to honours
12
100
745
Seriously
@TrinCollCam
you “regret” the damage caused to your painting? How about condemning it and wanting the heaviest criminal charges to be pressed? And if it was a student have them sent down. This sounds like you think she was just a bit naughty
59
115
728
Everyone on my TL currently pretending that "justiciable" is a word they use all the time
38
85
674
It's not just Britain that struggles with covid tracing: France has ditched its tracing app after only 500 notifications to contacts were sent out from positive tests since June. The trouble with tracing is people don't want to use it. Even the French PM hadn't downloaded it
64
220
634
Downing St strongly denies report the PM has been to Italy, though experience tells us this will then be followed by them saying: “Oh Peru-gia? Peru-gia? I thought you said Peru.” Then an announcement of government funding for Paddington 3 in hope we all move on
13
107
662
Has Peter Jackson been made cabinet secretary?
15
65
652
Just had an email from Royal Mail saying that a parcel is coming by Special Delivery Service. If I've learnt anything from watching Postman Pat during lockdown this will involve a helicopter, 24 stray sheep and a long chat about the church fete with the Rev Timms before I see it
13
36
655
The bishops believed that the virus was so deadly vicars shouldn’t even walk 250 yards to enter an empty church. They took a lot of flak for this. I can see why they’re now angry that the PM has said it’s fine to trust your instincts to travel 250 miles while infected
Deeply grateful for my colleagues who have said what I feel too.
Unless very soon we see clear repentance, including the sacking of Cummings, I no longer know how we can trust what ministers say sufficiently for
@churchofengland
to work together with them on the pandemic.
1K
2K
6K
9
204
625
Some mixed classical messaging in Rainham this morning. Nicky Morgan says "we will not give in to Siren voices" but David Miliband criticises May for "lashing herself to the mast". But surely lashing self to a mast is how you beat the Sirens. Did none of them read The Odyssey?
28
191
618
Seeing lots of people tweet “if the Clapham vigil wasn’t legal why not arrest the Duchess of Cambridge?” But she didn’t attend the vigil, she went to lay flowers earlier in the afternoon and it is legal to leave your house (or palace).
25
47
614
This heatwave has reached critical levels. Lord's has just emailed MCC members to say they don't have to wear jackets in the pavilion tomorrow or Thursday.
48
181
604
Adam Holloway, Tory MP, refers to the “bollocks to Brexit” sticker on Bercow’s car. “That sticker is on my wife’s car,” Bercow says. “And I’m sure he’s not suggesting she is a property or chattel. She’s entitled to her views.” And with that he proposes they move on.
9
122
598
Question: did Mary and Joseph ever actually get round to doing the census or did the whole giving birth in a stable, shepherds, kings, angels, flight into Egypt cause them to forget? And did that affect provision of public services in Judaea if messiah numbers were underreported?
50
93
593
I’m worried that fans of Test cricket are going to find The Hundred too long and drawn-out
10
64
573
An affectionate tribute seen on a park bench on the Victoria Embankment
16
64
570
The world needs more Annies
To celebrate
#WorldWhiskyDay
, here's Annie, a willing participant in a blind taste test, where the aim was to tell the difference between whisky and brandy.
53
406
1K
23
128
567
Delighted to read that the lead trumpeter for the royal wedding is called Blackadder
22
221
541
When May became PM in 2016, Meyer wrote that she'd known her for 12 years: "a warm human being ... lively in private with a good sense of humour ... very special and unusual person of profound humanity." Now, when introduced as a personal friend, she corrects it to "I know her".
Ouch. This is the curious moment on
@vicderbyshire
when Baroness Meyer, who is introduced as a “closer personal friend of Theresa May”, disputes the description
😱
50
115
329
52
200
550
Though it hasn't happened since 1880, technically an MP found guilty of contempt can be imprisoned by the serjeant at arms. Nothing would demonstrate how endearingly loopy our parliament is if a man in tights and carrying a sword marches booming Geoffrey Cox off to the Tower
39
182
535
I’m worried how this XR protest will develop when they discover people can also read newspapers online. I don’t want to wake up tomorrow and find Swampy has superglued himself to my laptop
29
79
541
One Christmas present fills a gap in my Wodehouse collection and has one of the best opening lines in English literature (take that Dickens and Austen with your best and worst of times and truth universally acknowledgeds)
20
55
549
When an international sex symbol met a famous actress… Fred Trueman with the mother of the groom at the wedding of his daughter and Raquel Welch’s son.
28
79
545
Am on Virgin train. War with Corbyn endures. Guard just said: "For those moaning they have to sit on floor there are 132 empty seats today."
18
403
503
As a parent at the same school, I endorse this attitude towards Sats. Plenty of time for stress later in life
This, given to my daughter and her y6 classmates ahead of Sats on Monday, is a delight. Wish all teachers prepared for exams like he
@AllSaintsBheath
345
6K
28K
3
53
505
The lovely thing is that this has been a night when my timeline has been 90% talking about the same thing, opinions have been wildly different and yet no one has been abusive. Maybe we should only use Twitter for Eurovision.
6
35
527
The last few years would have been much better if it had been Nancy Cameron who left her father in the pub and no one went back to get him.
3
110
514
The BBC should make the first question to the prime minister about the A66. Bet he won't have prepared on it at all and then he'll look a chump.
17
48
499
Jane Austen was clearly an England cricket fan
4
24
503
Apparently Geoffrey Cox warned the cabinet today that NI backstop wd be "like being stuck in the first circle of Hell". But that's not so bad: the first circle was for unbaptised pagans and was basically a budget version of heaven. It's where you find Homer, Aristotle and Caesar
23
125
496
It’s good news that Erskine May (hardback £300) will now be published free online, but what I really want is for Geoffrey Cox to do the audiobook version.
16
94
487
Just taken my son to nursery for the first time. Lots of tears and clinginess at drop-off. And he was pretty upset too.
24
21
483
Andrew Neil has admirable pedigree for doing this. As editor of the Sunday Times he banned Harrods from advertising with the paper, a relationship worth £3m, after Mohamed al Fayed had a rant about a critical story and threatened to pull his advertising.
11
70
461
John Major and Eric Idle both turn 77 today. On their 50th birthday Idle wrote to Major: “But for a twist of fate, I should be Prime Minister and you could have been Man in the Nudge Nudge sketch from Monty Python. I hope you don't feel too disappointed.”
7
134
473
Twitter can be dreadful and if I didn't need it for work I'd have long quit, but I'm very grateful for the many kind messages after my morning wobble. Odd how when you feel fragile something that normally makes you very happy can provoke melancholy. I'm fine-ish now. Thanks.
60
4
478
Just came across this exchange two years ago between David Amess and James Brokenshire, whose recent deaths will both be marked in Parliament next week. Seems there's a doubly sentimental reason to make Southend a city
8
91
460
Bairstow matches Penny Mordaunt for the year's most impressive carrying of a massive weapon
13
47
446
To brighten a glum Friday, a friend just sent me this collection of front-page banners from a few years ago
7
185
449
Lord Carrington, who until yesterday was the last foreign secretary to resign, died last night at the age of 99. A very contrasting character and resignation to Boris Johnson
21
214
443
Isn’t the answer to our political problems obvious? Force May out and install
@Number10cat
as acting prime minister and chief mouser. I’d like to see Brussels get one over on Larry, the only mogg that matters
8
38
449
Rayner makes a bold offer to defect to the Tories
11
41
441
The worst thing, for me, of the Mirror’s Boris/Arcuri story is less the sex than he sponged £3.10 off her to get a drink he’d offered to buy. It reminded me of those stories about when he was Spectator editor and always sending interns to buy him coffee but never paid them back.
21
65
442
I think this awful election has finally reached the point where what the nation really needs is a photo of Ted Heath on a skateboard
29
107
423
Is Theresa May giving a speech on housing in front of an artificial wall another example of fake mews?
12
89
413
Sigh. I wish my daughter would spend less time challenging the premise of the question in schoolwork and just do what she's asked. I mean, in the long run this is probably good, but asking whether it is credible that Neil Armstrong would have written a moon diary just wastes time
48
15
420
Happy 60th birthday to the chief scientific adviser Sir Patrick Vallance who is probably planning a quiet night in
7
56
415
Funnily enough, a spokesman for the robin said exactly the same about Mrs May
3
178
410
To be fair to Mrs May, I've also taken seven hours to try and build a cabinet and had to give up in the end.
20
66
406
Is this the same Nadine Dorries who employed both her daughters in her parliamentary office at the taxpayers' expense?
BBC staffed by people ‘whose mum and dad worked there’, says Nadine Dorries
429
102
362
11
120
394
Chief whip trying to take Nicky Morgan and Sarah Wollaston out for a chat. They tell him to sod off with only three minutes left in debate
8
142
393
So two years to go to the next election. Two years for
@CountBinface
to clone himself 600 times and give the nation someone they can vote for with pride and optimism. And who will bring back Ceefax.
12
37
393
A very angry Yvette Cooper gives May the proper kicking that Corbyn failed to deliver. “Do not try to hide behind others when she set the culture in home office that led to this.” It would have been even better if Labour backbenchers had been quiet as she said it
246
153
368
@andrewhunterm
@RebeccaFront
Elderly disabled mother. Don’t underplay what a shit he really is. Bet he always buys her flowers on her birthday too, the bastard.
6
7
374
Woke up the morning after my vaccination feeling exhausted, cranky and sore. So no different to any other morning in lockdown. I do have a craving, though, to watch Inspector Morse, which could be one of the side effects of the Oxford dose.
17
16
373
SNP's Angus MacNeil points out that China doesn't have a royal yacht. Several MPs point out to him that China doesn't have a royal family
32
203
339
Justine Greening's marginal constituency voted 75% to remain in the EU. Suspect we may have a new mutineer.
15
113
354
A press release comes from Lib Dems: Ed Davey says Trump is not fit to be president. I imagine this will be what finally pushes him out
12
80
363