the pan-midwesterner
@panmidwest
Followers
11K
Following
59K
Media
715
Statuses
16K
rev kev | just trying to get the approval of strangers | @ajokeexplainer | top tweets: https://t.co/Mz4BN2kP6g
bay area, ca
Joined April 2016
[my dad is in the backyard motionless gazing off into the distance] wife: what’s he doing me: oh, there’s a long standing tradition in my family her: what is it me: i... just... told you?
33
2K
14K
if i were a figure skater i would simply do a triple axel every time
0
1
8
my wife just explained to my children that i am not in fact the strongest person in the world please respect my privacy at this time
0
0
5
[phone call] HER: i wish our lives were more like TV or the movies ME: *hangs up without saying goodbye*
7
203
843
if you think about it everyone is either a firstborn or youngest child
0
0
2
what’s up with attachment theory calling them styles? secure, anxious, dismissive, fearful. as if one isn’t significantly better than the rest. no. they’re just “styles” like an active choice. same as your clothes. i’d be secure but that just isn’t my style.
0
0
1
my dad just told me that i don’t struggle with mental illness it’s all in my head
6
8
39
i just saved thousands on a new car by sending in my four year old to negotiate
0
0
4
i want to be an influencer but like an anti-influencer where everything i do is framed as something other people should definitely not do
1
0
7
Breaking: Woman Who Hates a Messy House Wants Another Kid
0
0
4
you know what rocket money won’t tell you? that you have two subscriptions to rocket money
0
0
5
[times square new year’s eve 30 mins before midnight] we should leave now and beat the crowd
2
2
8
wife: what are you thinking about guy who invented coffee: what if we pick the fruit off this plant, remove the seeds, roast them on a stove, let them cool off, grind them up into a near powder, pour boiling hot water over them, and then drink it
3
2
13
the first label you should make when you get a new label maker is “label maker” which you will put where you will keep your label maker anyways the point is i lost my label maker
2
5
19
[about to get rejected when i ask a girl on a second date] “um actually i only listen to songs that are (scooter’s version)”
0
0
1
