5 Shite United Things: 1. The sending off. Just pathetic all round, referee and players. 2. Man Utd. Hilariously shite. 3. That second half, christ, I had the shakes for the last ten mins. 4. Those minty flags in the home end. 5. Zirkzee’s hair line. Nearly touching his arse.

5 Good United Things: 1. Some win. Got to be up there with one of the best that. Just a ridiculous football club. 2. KDH. Everton, him. 3. That away end. Bouncing all g ame. 4. Theirno Barry. I’m all in on him now. 5. Pickford. That first save from Zirkzee was Southall-esque.

Get in. Will be watching England for the first time in ages in the hope that one gets thrown in. Hopefully Lee Dixon on comms for it too.

Everyone walking up Regent Road at 7:55pm and hearing Z-Cars start.

An 8pm Saturday night kick off? Pre-Christmas? Yes please.

5 Shite Fulham Things: 1. The ref. My head completely went at that Lukic not getting a second booking. 2. Fulham. Crap. 3. Three disallowed goals. Behave. 4. Missing my first goal at the new ground. Surprised it took that long to be fair. 5. Another international break.

5 Good Fulham Things: 1. A routine Saturday 3pm win in the sun. The good stuff. 2. Thierno Barry. Best game for us by a mile. Big fan of the chaos. 3. Pickford’s save at 1-0. 4. Dewsbury-Hall. As head of the KDH Fan Club made up to see him back on form. 5. Garner at right back.

The highlight was still that spurs player taking over a mins to take a throw, then just wondering on the pitch with the ball still in his hands. Pawson somehow managed to miss the whole incident obviously.

My head has only just reattached itself from that referee yesterday, now I’ve seen a replay of this I need to go for a lie down.

My goalie ✊🏼

Great news this imo. Been some signing. This video has also reminded me of that tackle against Spurs (10 seconds in) when he folds him like a deck chair. So good.

5 Shite Palace Things: 1. Oli Glasner’s big white trainers. 2. Us for most of the game to be fair. 3. The ref. Not even biased, just absolutely shite for both teams. 4. The Michael Keane injury. 5. Palace. Ooo we’ve not been beaten for ages. Grow up and get a proper kit.

5 Good Palace Things: 1. That fall for the winner. Think that’s the thing that new stadium needed most. 2. Charles Alcaraz. Changed the game. Some fella. 3. The atmosphere after the penalty. 4. The smell of weed the Lower South; memories of Goodison 🥰 5. A Jack Grealish winner.

Worried my head will never reattach itself after that Dewsbury-Hall booking and 3 minutes stoppage time.

5 Shite Wolves Things: 1. The defending for both Wolves goals. Yikes. 2. That last ten mins. Was on the floor when Gomes missed that chance for them. 3. Wolves. 4. The Gana sub. We look miles off it without him. 5. Having to go two weeks without seeing Grealish play footy.

5 Good Wolves Things: 1. Three wins on the spin. 2. A front three of Grealish, Ndiaye and KDH. Ridiculous at footy, cool as fuck. 3. James Garner. Been great all season. 4. Tarkowski telling Vitor Pereira to sit down. 5. The KDH goal. Instantly one of my favourite Everton goals.

These refs absolutely love this whole talking to the crowd over the mic don’t they. Acting like they’re Clattenberg on Gladiators. Smug gets.

5 Shite Mansfield Things: 1. League one songs from the away end. 2. People doing that ‘SUIII’ thing when Alcaraz did the Ronaldo celebration. Nearly got off. 3. A number 9 playing centre back for them. 4. That cup draw then. Was like an episode of Numberwang. 5. The first half.

5 Good Mansfield Things: 1. Harrison Armstrong. More games this season please. 2. Coleman leading a team out at Bramley-Moore and doing 90 mins. 3. Wearing shorts to the match. 4. Dibling with his low socks and curtains. He’ll do for me. 5. The Alacraz goal.

That DCL sub appearance is up there with the worst I’ve seen since Ross Barkley looked like he’d spun around a broom handle ten times before coming on at Chelsea away.