This on par if not better than the Olympic James Bond scene. The Queen having tea with Paddington - incredible that at 96 and after 70 years on the throne she still has the power to surprise #platinumpartyatthepalace

Why doesn't Australia have turkey sandwiches? How am I supposed to eat lunch?

wow, it's 2021 and we still can't edit tweets? already regretting this decision

Got notifications that my twitter was hacked, which made me come back to twitter to handle it. Maybe it was twitter trying to win back my business all along...

I think I've been reading too many graphic novels...

I took 32 steps yesterday.

Retweeting yet again bc she’s clearly embraced the judgements, this time coming on stage in sunglasses!

Reminder to self: when the time comes, add topographic globe to wedding registry

Why isn’t a booty call the same thing as a butt dial?

I bought 14 Uber rides last weekend... #ubereverywhere

There are two types of girls in this world: those that get home from a night out, then shower & use a face mask, vs. those that get into bed without even taking their contacts out. Which one am I?

I thought when I lost my AirPods I would just lose one “Pod,” but instead I lost the whole case. It was a great 5 months.

Say it in the right voice

It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s a drone! It’s Superman!!!

It’s 2019 and we still can’t unpress elevator buttons?

Why are the Bellagio fountains closed? How do you close water?

Tom was so fine in the movie #Birdbox he was so fly after all those years he still had a clean edge up😃 his hair cut stayed sharp😍

Retweeting myself because her acceptance speech at these @goldenglobes was equally embarrassing

The fact that my iPhone identifies my face and unlocks even when my hair isn't straightened, my eyebrows aren't done, and my glasses are on really makes me wonder if it's truly doing any "identifying"

Oh, piss off.