#shtwt

they might notice #shtwt #shedtwt

they're keeping me in the ward for a few more weeks. i'm lowk glad, there's a nice outside area and being around ppl motivates me to wear makeup and dress nice. also with regular meal times it's really easy to track calories. already lost 3.5kg!! not giving up sh though #shedtwt

i'm too sick i'm too okay i'm too young i'm too old i'm too watched i'm too ignored #shtwt #shedtwt

feel so empty, it's all quiet (photo from just before i came here) #shtwt #shedtwt

i finally got to go out and buy some pretty stuff, it's getting cozy here

i got extremely mad and told them all of the above, which they took to mean that i'm actually interested but fuck no. i was already pretty unmotivated, now i refuse to work on anything with people who give so few fucks. actually don't discharge me next thursday, do it now

so they say i won't be receiving any more treatment cause i don't take part in activities. except the nurses assign activities, i had no say in that. they also said that inactive people like me are often just here to avoid irl responsibilities ૮₍ ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ ₎ა #shtwt #shedtwt

@swagginglikejay i don't have to be here, they actively want me gone :| they should also be helping patients who aren't proactive. but hey i'm just a crazy person and shouldn't be listened to. you wouldn't get kicked out of a hospital with a gaping wound just cause you don't want treatment, but

i love this psych ward! i asked them at the review what their plans with me are and they said they're sending me home cause i don't show enough initiative to get better. like i don't even go to group therapy, to which i told them they said i would first see an individual

they caught on to the fact that i always return nearly full plates (ᵕ—ᴗ—) got called in and asked why, and my dumb ass told the truth... i'm switching to gaslight mode, when the doctor brings it up i'll say i have no apetite but i think this is progress (?) #edtwt #shedtwt

a nurse just told me to wear long sleeves in the ward cause it "doesn't look good" ദ്ദി ༎ຶ‿༎ຶ ) iwontcryiwontcryiwontcry #shtwt #shedtwt

i sat here listening to other patients talk about living with ana and i could feel my heart hit the floor. i will never be ana, no matter how much i restrict or count calories i will always be a fat pig it genuinely didn't hit me until like fifteen mins later #edtwt #shedtwt

it's so overwhelming and triggering here. and i'm in one of the two increased security rooms with cameras and stuff (¬_¬") have to be quick with sh, in and out the bathroom in 10 mins. at least the more shallow cuts hurt longer, it's so calming to have that here #shtwt #shedtwt

i tend to run my mouth... during the review the head doctor told me they would release me if they knew for sure that i wouldn't kms out there. i said i could easily kms here too, so they might as well let me go. he was uh... not impressed. istg i am such a dickhead

it would really not be hard to kms here, just saying. they let us keep stuff we could hang ourselves on, they let us keep lighters and i found a bottle of dish cleaner behind a toilet. i'll probably find more soon #shedtwt #suicidetwt

• i literally do not matter • i am worthless • none of my shit is valid

a nurse just said to "eat more cause they are keeping an eye on her" to a patient sitting next to me, i'm being so mogged ദ്ദി╥ ᴗ ╥) literally too fat to watch out for, i'm counting cals but i've been letting the numbers get too high #edtwt #shedtwt

got prescribed a different antipsychotic that only has a 10% chance of making me fat. supposed to reduce severe anxiety, sedate me and somehow make me not want to sh. and ig it does that by making me so exhausted with such insane headaches that i can barely get up