Danish Bashir
@narcabusecoach
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I assist survivors of Childhood and Narcissistic Abuse in healing, recovering and not only thriving but transforming into their greatest version possible.
Joined May 2016
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Narcissistic abuse makes you feel you have been r
@ped
emotionally and psychologically. It strikes at the core of one's identity, leaving a deep-seated trauma in its wake.
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Flying monkeys secretly enjoy the "games" and feel that same superiority vicariously as the narcissist. They gang up with the narcissist and target the victim one by one. Flying monkeys cannot stand up for what's right or moral, but they delude themselves into thinking they do.
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The real reason why a narcissist doesn’t understand the things you explain to them again and again is because they DON’T want to understand.
They are not interested in understanding you. Instead, they are just interested in forcing their choices on you.
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How do I know when the narcissist is lying?
They are moving their lips
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4 Things a Narcissist will immediately attack the moment you tell them off
1. Your reputation
2. Your financial stability
3. Your sanity
4. Your relationship with your children
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Narcissist’s are highly addicted to chaos because it reflects their internal instability. They can’t stand peace and If chaos is not present in the relationship, they will consistently manufacture it to escape facing their rottenness.
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Once you let go of the emotional connection with a narcissist, you are repelled by the thought that you fell in love with someone so ugly inside, and you come to understand that it was your love that made them seem special.
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She thought her mom would comfort her when things got tough. But instead, she needed help because of the hurtful things her narcissistic mother did.
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A covert narcissist may camouflage as a
highly sensitive person, making it harder for a true highly sensitive person to spot them. You think you have found somebody who really gets and feels you, and then they begin to erode you in very subtle ways.
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You put up with the narcissist’s crap because they put you in their evil trap. You didn’t cause it, you didn’t make them do it and you didn’t have the true choice to stop it. Don’t blame yourself!
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If rubbing salt on your wounds was an art, narcissists would be Picasso.
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"Narcissists are experts at making you feel worthless, all while pretending to be your biggest supporter."
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Narcissists keep friends in their lives for as long as it works for them when something better comes along; they discard their friend, just as in any narcissistic relationship. Narcissists have flying monkeys. A flying monkey is a worker to keep track of, harm or harass supply.
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A relationship with a narcissist is always one-sided. There is no mutuality or reciprocality in any way, shape or form. In a nutshell, it isn't a relationship at all but more of a dictatorship.
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Your marriage counsellor isn’t going fix the narcissist. Instead, the narcissist is mostly likely going to manipulate the counsellor into believing that you are the crazy one. Stop saving an illusion.
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The grief after narcissistic abuse is about what you thought they were, the person you wanted them to be, the person you became while being with them, the time and efforts that were never reciprocated and how all that went in vain.
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Closure doesn’t exist in a narcissistic relationship because such a relationship has no real beginning. It is an illusion created by them to first reel you in and then use you as an object and finally discard you. Your freedom lies in letting go and moving on
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The narcissist will re-traumatise you by bringing up the past as if it is happening now and try to manipulate and slander you with it and if you try to hold them accountable or bring up the past, they become indignant.
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Once a narcissist, always a narcissist!
Don’t be fooled.
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Repeat after me:
I am not obliged to respond, communicate or save the relationship with my toxic/abusive family members. It is okay to cut them off!
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Threatening to end a relationship in the midst of conflict is a manipulative strategy used by narcissists to retake control. This seriously undermines your sense of security and worth and causes rapid erosion of relationship trust.
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Survivors of narcissistic abuse often experience anxiety that presents itself as chest pain or a choking sensation, which can be attributed to the trauma of pleading for love, feeling unheard, or lacking a sense of voice. The body interprets this emotional distress as physical…
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Unmasking a narcissist is quite simple: just don't react to them. They can't bear being overlooked, as it hits their deepest fear - rejection.
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Biggest Sign of Narcissist's Cheating: When the narcissist suddenly treats you poorly for no apparent reason, it's often the biggest sign they’re juggling multiple supplies at once. This behaviour stems from their projection of the guilt they aren't willing to feel for their…
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Isn’t it ironic that narcissists supposedly being trauma survivors hardly struggle with any chronic health issues that accompany complex trauma? Yet we struggle with every health condition imaginable.
They eat, sleep, drink, cheat, prey, use and discard without any issue. How…
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Before you message his friend and tell him how he has been treating you, know that you won’t get any support. Why? Because his friend is his biggest ENABLER and doesn’t care about you at all. He will turn everything around and blame it on you!
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"It's not a sudden impulse that makes adult children sever ties with their narcissistic parent. It's a long and painful journey of trying to mend what's broken over and over again. Cutting off a narcissistic parent means losing a part of oneself and facing the harsh judgment of…
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Until something sets him/ her off, a covert narcissist can act almost like a non-narcissist making it more difficult for you to recognize their abuse. Being in a relationship with them is like being stuck in something that squeezes, but not enough to kill you.
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A lot of fighting between siblings is often the smoke of a narc parent who instigates them through their unfair treatment. A parent displaying unfair treatment and favouritism towards one child can create resentment and tension between siblings.
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If they weren’t conscious of their behaviour, why would they wear a different mask and be all sweet, kind and charming before others and a monster to you. How can someone be shape-shifter and unconscious at the same time?
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Narcissists neither accept themselves nor you, and their genuine effort in a relationship is zilch. Don't ever expect a narcissist to be there for you when you need them! It's a one-way street that is doomed from the get-go.
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The only role a narcissist plays when you are coparenting with them is that they stay in the loop while you are only one who does everything for the child from changing their diapers to teaching them humanity.
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When trauma bonded, the narcissist becomes your drug in human form, altering how you feel and how much you feel when it comes to attachment with them. They become the only source of regulation for your nervous system.
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Survivors of narcissistic abuse don't move on because they keep asking, "What if the narcissist treats their next partner the way I had longed to be treated? When they should ask, "What if the narcissist is repeating the same cycle with every supply they recycle?”
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A cycle breaker is a survivor who, despite growing up without any guidance or role models, has relentlessly fought to construct the life they desired and needed.
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The complexity of loving a narcissist lies in the mixed emotions of wanting their presence, yet finding comfort in their absence, as they cause you so much pain.
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People won't understand your pain until they spend a night quietly crying, covering their mouth to stay quiet. They don't know what it is to feel your heart breaking inside. Tears landing on your pillow, and you holding yourself because it hurts so much. That's what pain after…
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Trying to keep a narcissist in your life is like trying to hold sand in your hand. No matter how tightly you grip it, it will still slip through the gaps.
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"Narcissists lack a true self, constantly seeking validation from the crowd. They outsource their ego and identity, relying on the gaze of others to feel alive. Their mind is a hive mind, never truly functioning on its own. Ironically, narcissists are self-less, unable to…
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The sheer intolerance of a narcissist for any form of feedback let alone criticism, speaks volumes about their insecure, shame ridden and suppressed self they never want to face. It has nothing to do with you!
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Narcissism = pervasive insecurity and all the fear that pushes that along. They may try to appear superior but truthfully, they're scared to death of rejection & being ignored. To escape rejection and fear of meaninglessness, they don't realize how much pain they're causing.
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Narcissists be like:
Let me in and I will take you to heights of heaven only to drag you to the depths of hell later.
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Blaming yourself for not leaving earlier is like blaming yourself for not controlling what you see in a dream. Back then, you had no access to your capability to take decisions and think clearly. Don’t punish yourself for the crime you never committed.
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Here is the only truth that you need to know to set yourself free from the burden of guilt and shame—it wasn’t your fault.
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A narcissist doesn't know how else to be than being a narcissist because their narcissism is their religion and the false self is their God at the altar of whom they have sacrificed their true self. Your limitless empathy or compassion touches nothing and reaches nowhere.
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Before you believe their lies and the whole cycle of abuse repeats again, remind yourself of how they broke every promise they made in the past and then ask yourself, Why would it be any different this time?
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You CANNOT beat a narcissist at their own game because they don’t play fair. You may fight with ethics and expect the same but all you will get back is deception and injustice. It is better not to wrestle with pigs because they like being dirty and you don’t.
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The bitter truth of a narcissist's soul is its unquenchable thirst for self-admiration, leaving them blind to the depth of human connection and the richness of genuine self-discovery.
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On one hand, you never talk about the abuse the narcissist put you out of respect and on the other hand they smear your name in and out telling people how big of a psycho you are
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The narcissist is called the stealer of resources for the right reasons because they steal your health, finances, self-confidence, self-worth and all of those things that made you "You".
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When I confronted my father and took a stand for myself, he asked, “What did I ever do to you?” and that disgusted the hell out of me. These people are so blind to their doings that they will deny even if you were to play a recording of what they have done.
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The narcissist’s worst nightmare ISN’T an educated empath but a healed empath because no matter how educated you are, they can still make an entry through the unconscious cracks created by the traumatic experiences of your childhood. Eduction without healing isn’t enough!
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Trust goes both ways, but a narcissist only wants to play. Demanding trust but never giving in, their recipe for disaster is bound to begin. To trust, vulnerability is a must, but there's no reciprocation, it's just a bust. A one-way street, a dead-end road, stay caught up on…
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"The ultimate mind game of a narcissist: making you doubt yourself and then using your doubts against you."
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In the egocentric view of a narcissist, you are amazing and great as long as your life revolves around them. The moment you stop being a blind follower and start thinking about yourself, you become their biggest enemy. Want to co-exist with a narcissist? forget yourself!
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The only truth that you need to know about them after you have left isn’t if they have moved on with someone else , it is realising that everything that you had with them was a lie.
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"Nobody will ever love you like YOUR MOTHER!" -narcissistic mothers throw this statement to their children. She pressures them to believe that her love is the only love they need. It's nothing less then emotional blackmail.
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Narcissistic parents see their children as their competition. They see them as ego-threats which is why they belittle or humiliate them on every occasion to look better than the child.
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Why doesn’t a narcissist miss you like you miss them?
1. They delete your existence from their memories once you are gone because you are no more useful.
2. They aren’t trauma bonded with you, you are trauma bonded with them instead.
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It happens in every family, doesn’t it? A question that speaks volumes about normalisation of abuse, dysfunction and disorder.
No it doesn’t happen in every family. You feel it does because that is the only thing you have ever known. What are you comparing it with?
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"Don't fall for the trap of an abuser who turns your pain and vulnerability into their weapon. It's a red flag for how far they'll go when things go sour. Brace yourself, because the most dangerous time with them is when the relationship ends."
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Difference between self-love and Narcissism.
Self-love: being aware and accepting of both one’s shortcomings and strengths and while loving oneself.
Narcissism: Denial of any “humanness” and the faults that come with it and extreme self absorption with zero regard for others
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As contrary as this might sound, you didn’t need to survive an abusive childhood/relationship to become a stronger or a better version of yourself. We need to stop glorifying trauma and adversity because they leave us with more damage than any good.
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That next partner, next job or next________ isn’t the answer. The wound is within and the fix has to come from there. Sure, you need good relationships to fulfil one of your basic needs of connection but nobody is coming to save you. You will have to do it yourself.
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Sometimes you can have something and not have it at the same time
Sometimes you can feel something & not feel it
Sometimes you can see something but be blind to it
And you may ask How is that possible?
To that I reply, This is what it is like to experience narcissistic abuse
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It is soul destroying when everything you do is rewritten and twisted while Living with a dysfunctional family. There is zero recognition of any efforts and the environment is so toxic that you are left with no option but to leave
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No, sex with them wasn’t as intense as it felt. It was your perception of it that was changed by the narcissist’s withholding of affection. Sex was the only time when you felt connection that you were craving for so your mind held on to it.
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Insight, Reflection and Action are the precursors of true change and narcissists are blind to all of them. Their whole world is build on the premise of “I am too supreme to make that mistake so it must be their fault.”
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The words "insecure" and "narcissist" are literally married to each other. The grandiose you see in them is nothing but a veil to hide the emptiness within, the void that no supply or addiction fills in.
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It doesn’t matter if they are aware of what they are doing or not because in both cases, damage caused is the same. When it comes to leaving, the primary focus should be on how it is affecting you because Impact > Intent
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“One Last Time” is a trap that you fall in when you decide to give them another chance. You got to understand that with them, you are in a loop. There is no end or beginning. It just goes on and on until you jump off the wheel!
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The fastest way you can get a narcissist “narcissisting” is by doing quite the opposite of what they want you do. Every time you do so, it inflicts a narcissistic injury and you see the grandiose driven insecure being adamant at destroying you.
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Having a conversation with a narcissist is like slacklining—trying to walk on a thin rope while balancing your body. One wrong word is like a wrong move. You make it and you immediately fall down with zero hope of getting anywhere in the discussion.
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Nothing you do CAN change a person, no matter how big the effort, UNLESS they want to change.
No amount of love, affection, sacrifice, compassion and kindness is enough to melt a heart that does not beat.
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Narcissistic Parents four golden mantras:
1)"You don't know nothing about nothing."
2)"Don't think, do what you're told"
3)"You are never allowed to withdraw from me."
4)"My children should have a healthy fear of me, like we should have a healthy fear of God."
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Calling a predator “predator” for preying and hunting isn’t ableist. It is calling things for what they are. Explaining narcissistic abuse is the same. Just because evil has been labelled as a disorder doesn’t justify its existence.
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Despite being unsettling, trauma triggers serve a purpose as they show us what remains to be healed and what has healed. Instead of feeling disappointed for being triggered, you should take that moment to reflect and use the trigger as a window to work on unprocessed trauma.
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Who's the first person that comes to your mind after seeing this?
#NarcoPresidente
#narcissist
#narcissism
#narcissisticabuse
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3 Things a True Narcissist Will Never Do:
1) Self-Reflect
2) Self-Reflect
3) Self-Reflect
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Going through Covert narcissistic abuse is like being "fed poison wrapped in honey" . You don't know what is real or unreal!
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"Halt the hunt for hints of a narcissist's care, and embark on unearthing the trail of their clear-cut disinterest!"
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5 WAYS TO TORTURE A NARCISSIST
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That one good memory or a good time with a narcissist isn’t the whole story. It is the same stone hidden in the appearance of a pearl. Don’t get confused by what you see. It is an illusion that was created on purpose to divert your focus.
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