back when I was inhaling enormous quantities of helium and floating around people's rooms freestyle rapping in a very high-pitched voice, they used to call me "the lyrical dirigible." and to be honest they were right on the money with that one!.

my theory of history is we actually have much more in common with cavemen than we tend to think but much less in common with everyone who lived between cavemen times and the 1980s.

the doctor has informed me that 99% of my sperm are "too stupid" to find the egg.

you have to be brave to eat hummus in bed.

was listening to Forgot About Dre in the car earlier with my love and we got to the part where it says "nowdays everybody wanna talk like they got something to say but nothing comes out when they move their lips just a bunch of gibberish" and she muttered "that's very true".

due to my boycott of Google, I understand that people have been calling me Mr. Bing. but once they learn of my propensity for pot-smoking, they're quite sure to be calling me Mr. Bong!. (thank you Dylan for this concept).

just walked down a nice wooded path totally unaware that I was falling into The Caterpillar's Trap.

new zealanders are like the hobbits of the global order. what do you ever hear about them doing down there?.

I'm going to prickle your pear. if you know what I mean.

they've been calling me a square - and not unfairly - but once I've rotated myself 45 degrees, you better believe that they're going to be calling me a diamond!.

do you think that "ayyyy baby I want to latch onto you like a barnacle!" is a good pickup line?.

I'm greasing up all my boys and girls for the Fourth of July!.

they've been calling me Mr. Pong on account of the strange odors that emanate from me. but once they're made aware of my table tennis skills, I can practically assure you that they're going to be calling me Mr. Ping!!!.

i see that burger king has their new dragon burger menu. i always was saying that if we were to discover dragons the first burgers we'd be making out of them would be dragon burgers!.

put some milk AND yoghurt in my smoothie along with the usual fruits and it seems to be forming some sort of "dairy goo".

and in this scenario my name is Oring Sapood by the way.

imagine you're at an open mic night at a comedy club on Coruscant and I'm getting onstage and bellowing "WHAT'S THE DEEEEEAL WITH SPACESHIP FOOD".

[trying to explain a dragon to an american]: imagine a dragonburger.

i've been watching some of those videos about how to protect your hotel rooms with booby traps against perfidious molesters. the next time someone tries to bust in on me in there in the night time it's going to sound in there like Whoville on Christmas Day!!.

they call me Daniel Maximum. but they might want to consider calling me Maximum Daniel!!!.