dave ❄️ 🥕 🧻
@mrdavemacleod
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Internet stuff for Private Eye ⚡️ Bluesky: https://t.co/D6ttzUeoxm⚡️All views my nans
Joined April 2009
Melania when she remembers the botched assassination attempt
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whenever Elon Musk tweets about UK politics I think of this
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absolute legend Jurgen Klopp refusing to take a question from The Sun 👏 .adding a final kick in the balls: "and it's not because I'm in Liverpool now" . #dontbuythesun .
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Foodbanks in the UK. 2004 - 1.2008 - 22.2011 - 100.2012 - 252.2019 - 2,030. Mcdonalds branches in the UK. 2019 - 1,250. The crash was 10 years ago.The UK is the 5th richest in the world.You have *one shot* to get the Tories out. #GE19 #VoteNotTory #TacticalVoting.
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whoever is doing this campaign in London well bloody done 👍
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Brilliant footage captures the precise moment a soggy and furious Farage realises it’s over for him 👋. #MarchToLeave.
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Enjoy your Saturday as much as the traffic warden who put a ticket on the Tommy Robinson bus 😎🙌.
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Ian Wright and Idris Elba on ITV dropping truth bombs on why knife crime has rocketed in the last 10 years: 450 youth centres closed and no new safe spaces.
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"You should be in Brussels negotiating!". Boris Johnson floundering on the campaign trail when faced with the public
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I don't say this lightly but I really think the time has come to send Vladimir Putin a questionnaire.
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I don’t get why Laurence Fox, Nigel Farage and Tommy Robinson are all celebrating D-Day when their side lost.
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Victoria Derbyshire listing all the reasons young people hate the Tories is glorious #newsnight
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"The bag itself goes directly in the bin". James Acaster's #Brexit teabag metaphor still the original and best 👏
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I once had to quit my job as investigator of illegal parties because I had actually been to all the illegal parties
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The Lancet’s Richard Horton brilliant takedown of the Government’s handling of #coronavirus as a “national scandal” 👏. #bbcqt.
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now that Andrew Tate has popped up to defend Russell Brand I am contractually obliged to retweet this
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Tories maintaining a poll lead while clocking up 100K Covid deaths can only mean one thing. I am living on an island of psychopaths.
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BREAKING: Liz Truss has signed a trade deal with Janet from Norwich who sells marmalade on Ebay.
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the last 24 hours of the BBC standing by Fiona Bruce casually legitimising Stanley Johnson’s wife beating while sacking Gary Lineker for highlighting the dangerous language used against refugees - all because it is terrified of the Daily Mail - has to be the worst in its history
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very lucky the anti-maskers at the #londonprotest aren't holding a candlelit vigil for a murdered girl otherwise the Met would be right on them.
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a Katie Hopkins getting deported from Australia photo to brighten this Monday morning, you’re welcome
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“We should have got on to him early on”. Ian Hislop’s takedown of Elon Musk is a thing of beauty 👏
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Russell Brand finally being charged for sexual assault gives me an excuse to repost this from the brilliant Sean Lock. "probably the reason I hate him so much is I'm a Dad".
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is there anything better to wake up to than seeing Andrew Tate getting arrested again? really sets the day up
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Piers Morgan having a go at the mental toughness of top athletes again. Also Piers Morgan:
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to be fair to the Met the only evidence for #partygate at no 10 is an emailed invitation, photographs, videos, eye witness accounts and a confession so not much to go on.
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Fiona Bruce trying to let Stanley Johnson off breaking his wife’s nose “it was a one off” is far more of a sackable offence than anything Gary Lineker has said #bbcqt.
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Refused offer of a Knighthood. Stephen Hawking.David Bowie.Danny Boyle.David Hockney. Accepted offer of a Knighthood. Philip Green.John Redwood.Jimmy Savile.Robert Mugabe. 🧐. #NewYearHonours.
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"Thank God we've got a police force but we won't have if this current shite storm of a Government have their way". We salute you Martin Clunes 🙌.
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Keir Starmer at #pmqs: "I'm not going to take lectures from a man who wrote two versions of every column he ever wrote, who proposed Donald Trump for a Nobel peace prize and gave Dominic Cummings a pay rise" 🔥.
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idiotic chancellor Rishi Sunak telling us we all need to spend our savings. fine mate if your wife could spend her *checks notes* £430 million I’ll happily do my 57p on a Wispa bar 🙄.
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Boris Johnson is now very angry about the “unfair Brexit deal” which he negotiated and he signed and he sold to the public as a brilliant deal okaay.
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if Roger Hallam got 5 years for organising peaceful climate change protests what do these lot get for promoting widespread race riots with arson and looting
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Priti Patel calls the Home Office ‘not fit for purpose’ which is true because Priti Patel is in charge of it.
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BREAKING: big row at the Daily Mail office over whether to officially blame #coronavirus on China, the EU, immigrants or Meghan Markle.
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really hate conspiracy stuff but the BBC have:. - replaced embarrassing Boris Johnson footage at the Cenotaph. - cut out #bbcqt audience groaning at Boris Johnson. - allowed Boris Johnson to avoid Andrew Neil interview . how can the mistakes *always* be in the same direction?. 🤔.
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THE most brutal assessment of #BrexitShambles by the US embassy in London. - the economy is gonna tank.- the British Government isn't interested in telling people they got it wrong.- worst kind of inflation.- Brexit ends up not helping people.- leavers are absolutely terrified
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Piers Morgan when he sees the player he said “couldn’t handle the pressure” win the US Open aged er 18
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to all the Tories jumping onto Gareth Southgate's #EURO2020 bandwagon have some of what he said about your beloved Brexit
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“Anyone who flouts the rules is letting everyone down” says Boris Johnson to the nation but not to his Dad or his chief advisor. #DailyBriefing.
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so the Boris Johnson who got sacked by Michael Howard for lying, got sacked from two papers for lying, cheated on his wife, did the £350m Brexit bus, prorogued Parliament, broke lockdown party rules and lied about his own wallpaper is facing the sack for lying it's a real shocker.
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The Thick Of It now seems like a documentary about a highly professional Government.
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Ken Clarke nails Boris Johnson's oh so transparent strategy .👏. 1. Set conditions which make No Deal inevitable. 2. Make sure blame is attached to the EU & Parliament. 3. Fly a flag waving general election before the consequences of No Deal become too obvious
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BREAKING: Liz Truss has signed a trade deal with Alan from Stockport who has a big pile of batteries in his shed.
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I once refused to make a phone call to evacuate a city because I was enjoying a cornetto on my sun lounger
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Boris Johnson in his head is Churchill and Roosevelt but in reality is Benny Hill and Harold Shipman.
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will be even more hilarious when Elon Musk finds out Reform UK can’t replace Nigel Farage as leader because it’s a private company owned by… Nigel Farage 🍿.
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Nadine Dorries taking some time off to enjoy the rugby
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really shocked that the PM who was sacked from The Times for lying and sacked from the cabinet for lying and then did quite a lot of other lying has been asked to correct what he said in #PMQs because he was [ checks notes ] lying.
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lots of Tories going wild for Kemi Badenoch’s back story of flipping burgers at Mcdonalds to escape a life on the mean streets of South London. Which is fine except it misses out the bit about going to private school and her parents being a GP and a professor 🙄.
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if only Boris Johnson hadn’t let Dido Harding spaff £37 billion up the wall on test and trace he could pay for social care and still have a billion spare to buy some new wallpaper.
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"How dare they presume they could give me an honour? I'm much better than them, they're fucking idiots". The ever majestic Robert Smith gives both barrels to the honours system 👏.
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Matt Hancock getting his Covid book cancelled before it was written is the funniest thing since Matt Hancock got sacked from a UN job before it started.
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Brilliant question from Sam Coates at the #DailyBriefing:. “To Patrick Vallance and Chris Whitty, are you comfortable with the PM not letting you answer any questions, a nod or shake of the head will do” 👏.
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no. 10 considering new 'terrifying' Tier 4 proposals which means everything has to close apart from Wetherspoons.
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the most depressing thing about Christmas has to be photo ops by Tory MPs at food banks which they created.
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there is hardly any good news these days but Wetherspoons have made another £30M annual loss so there's that.
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Gary Neville brilliant on commentary: “the standard of leadership in this country the last couple of years has been terrible, but Gareth Southgate has shown the nation how to do it, with honesty and decency” 👏👏👏.#englandvdenmark.
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well at least the Dominic Cummings story distracts from the failed-to-quarantine story which distracts from the double-counting-tests story which distracts from the app-not-working story which distracts from the messed-up-lockdown-messaging story which distracts from the 60k dead.
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Boris Johnson has used the words bacchanalian, tergiversation and obscurantism so far in #pmqs which unfortunately doesn't conceal the fact that his answers are utter effluvium*. * horseshite.
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historians will look back on Gavin Williamson, Nadine Dorries, Dominic Raab, Jacob Rees Mogg and Boris Johnson being in power and just be utterly mystified.
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I’ve not been out for a few days but apparently goats are in charge now that seems fine.
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Matt Hancock's dream team of experts:. Tony Abbott - trade.Harold Shipman - health.Peter Sutcliffe - lorry driving.Jimmy Saville - charity.Rolf Harris - painting.Fred West - patios. 🙄.
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Tyrone Mings tackle on Priti Patel is the most beautifully timed one I’ve seen since the days of Bobby Moore.
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“Why are we taxing working people more than billionaires?”. Gary Stevenson doing God’s work on #bbcqt 🙏
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instead of Dido Harding getting rid of foreign workers from the NHS can we get rid of Dido Harding from the NHS.
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POOR old Nigel Farage gets awfully tetchy *again* when told, correctly. "the remain parties added up gained a bigger percentage than the Brexit party". Let's see all the other broadcasters remind him of this too. 👏. #EuropeanElectionResults
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Jurgen Klopp “I will not sign unvaccinated players for Liverpool” again demonstrating why he is such a top, top manager and person 🙌.
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Choose Life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family. Whatever you do don't choose this: T3 Toryspotting
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well I was wrong, the #PlatinumJubilee has been a wonderful thing to enable a divided country to come together and boo Boris Johnson.
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very sad to hear the news about Nicholas Witchell being on TV for the next month.
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If Brexit were cancelled. 5% of the population would be apoplectic with rage at the betrayal 🤬.25% would be pretty pissed off at the waste of everyone's time 😤.70% would be extremely relieved 👍. And after a few weeks of national debate we'd all move on apart from the 5%.
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"He has called Muslim women letterboxes, described African people as having watermelon smiles, if that's not racist I don't know what is". Ian Blackford calls out Boris Johnson's racism in #PMQs 🔥
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BREAKING: Michael Gove confirms he has now tested positive for just general awfulness.
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I am now very much in favour of the outdoor smoking ban 👍
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Boris Johnson saying working from home doesn’t work and people forget what they are doing and end up eating cheese all day really is the most accurate portrayal of a day in no 10 I’ve heard yet.
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remember todays Press Briefing will only include total numbers of children fathered by Boris Johnson in hospitals, the real figure could be far higher.
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#StopTheCoup and #DefendOurDemocracy protestors in Newcastle, Leeds, Liverpool and Manchester. smashing the myth that the North of England supports Brexit 👌👏
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if you're looking to do something for the wellbeing of the community during the lockdown this will help greatly.
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Jeremy Clarkson doing an insincere public apology to Harry & Meghan to save his job at Amazon and then Amazon sacking him anyway and then Harry & Meghan rejecting his apology as well is all objectively hilarious well done everyone.
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it comes as no real surprise that the man who didn't sack Dominic Cummings for driving to Barnard Castle and didn't sack Dido Harding for spaffing £12BN up the wall hasn't sacked Priti Patel for her reign of terror across multiple departments.
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Keir Starmer asking Boris Johnson if he would be happy for his kids to live on the free school meal parcels is really unfair when the PM has no idea who his kids are #pmqs.
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would be so good - she's a better manager than Southgate plus it would make Joey Barton explode into a giant ham as a bonus.
🚨 Sarina Wiegman is reportedly among the candidates to replace Gareth Southgate as England manager. 🏴. @talkSPORT
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“I once kicked off a whole series of race riots across Britain because I get my information from Andrew Tate and Russian state media”
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