MicroLocks
@micrococklocks
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In-Depth analysis of all things sports and picks/ politics brought to you by the fattest and gayest experts
Joined October 2024
Welp, the boys put in a CFB parlay to get warmed up for next week. Guess who’s fucking selling, thank you Chay Chay.
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To destroy ethical hoops in America. First off, Steph Curry is by far the most popular active NBA player in China selling the most jerseys. It would make sense for a Chinese sleeper agent to be popular in China. Now it is also important to note that Steph Curry’s wife and Father,
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Matt Stafford is a Raider, per sources close to MicroLocks.
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🚨🚨🚨SCOOP: A source close to Tom Brady tells MicroLocks: “Tom has eyed the Giants situation… he believes he could potentially correct his one blemish” WOW😳😳😳
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Look here folks. We have found the worst gambler in the country. JJ has single handedly sold over $26,000. The other Steelers fan “Burger” has sold over $20,000, $46,000 in total. #SteelerBrain
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The South Korean military refuses to lift the order - stating that the martial law order will remain in effect until President Yoon Suk Yeol lifts it, according to South Korean news outlet YTN.
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Yoon turns military dictator after losing his election, so disbands parliament and invokes emergency powers after name-calling his opposition as North Korean sympathizers. Bank of Korea meets shortly to stabilize their market. $ASML turns positive / $INTC dumps.
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#BREAKING: South Korean military says it will 'maintain martial law until lifted by the president,' according to reports.
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BREAKING: South Korea's parliament votes 190-0 to lift martial law
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Look here MicroLocks family. 33 THOUSAND dollars missed out on due to JJ and burger. Shameful.
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Locks Family, Here was the lay today. Shockingly JJ misses (again) and that brings him to a whopping $11,000 in money sold. Everyone say “Fuck you JJ”. Brad picks up his second miss in back to back weeks now. HE IS ICE FUCKING COLD❄️❄️❄️❄️. Everyone say “fuck you Brad”. Best ML
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Daniel Jones will not be allowed on the team plane after this loss, per source.
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Breaking: MicroLocks is calling Indiana for Donald Trump.
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Breaking: MicroLocks is calling Kentucky for Donald Trump.
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As of 4 pm Election Day, precinct turnout is 27.18% of 308,827 registered voters. Including early and mail ballots marked, the total turnout is currently at 65.29%! This is our last turnout update! Unofficial results will be posted on our website as they come in tonight.
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BREAKING: 🚨🚨MicroLocks has run our final simulation. We ran 250000 simulations Trump won 125001. We estimate Donald Trump will be the next President of the United States.
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BREAKING: GOP Chairman Michael Whatley says that early this morning Republican poll watchers in multiple Pennsylvania counties were being turned away, but that attorneys were deployed and can now report all Republican poll watchers have been let into the building.
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🚨 BREAKING: Florida Republicans now lead by OVER 1 MILLION VOTERS in the 2024 election in historic development 🔴 REP: 3,940,434 [+1,004,464] 🔵 DEM: 2,935,970 🟡 NPA: 1,978,200 Total: R+11.1 Election Day: R+22.1
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MicroLocks has received this text: "Morale couldn't be lower right now, it's not even noon and they're already raging on about misogyny" - per WH official. Stay Tuned for MicroLocks live Election coverage TONIGHT!
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