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@miacsosa
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male friends do not let you vent long, it’s straight to solutions😭😭
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Burger King be like 35 nuggets for $1.50 🚩🚩🚩 them shits is definitely possum ankles
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calling women’s labia “roast beef”when balls literally look like ice cream scoops of elephant skin is insane
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i love taking hot showers... i be in there turning around like rotisserie chicken 😭
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bf driving 🤝 gf looking cute in the passenger seat while giving wrong directions
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the stuffed animals in the corner of your room watching you get raw dogged
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college homework got melatonin in it😭 as soon as i open that laptop 😴😴
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a confident man will put a vibrator on your clit while he's fucking you
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$75 for a damn haunted house 😑 a skeleton better pop out and eat my
pussy
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Chick-Fil-A must beat their employees my order don’t never be wrong 😭
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me & my friends were 12 & 13 going places with no car, no job, nothing but $20 😭
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i wonder if judges lay in bed like “i ain’t even have to give him 40 years fr“😂
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can’t smell like weed at work but people can smell like onions, fish pussy & cat piss😒
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i hate when i’m in the car turnt & somebody call me🙄 i'm in the STUDIO wtf you want😭
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good dick is actually a red flag cause how u know how to fuck like that???
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not me & Beyonce sounding identical when the music is up loud enough 😭
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a man wanting you to nut before him is big dick, big husband, big daddy energy 😫
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hotel sex have you doing it 40 times in one night 😭 gotta get ya money's worth
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when he giving you good dick then says turn around & you know he’s about to kill your shit😭
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you pull one little piece of lip skin & your whole fucking lip unzip 😭
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that first 20 minutes of acting like we didn’t link up to fuck is so goofy😂
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"gender is what's between your legs"
okay y’all, my pronouns are gorilla/grip
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i be like “i’m shy” then expect a mf to choke me when we’re kissing
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me after promising him all the freaky shit when we get back home 😭
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y’all ever dated a mental patient? my fault i meant a Capricorn or Aries 😂🥴
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you know your coochie good when he pause in it and say “i’m tryin not to nut” 😭
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it’s always "wyd", never "come outside i brought you flowers and an iced coffee" 😞
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you blocked someone on everything and all of a sudden cxzvbhb is watching your story
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how are you ready to give up on life but not your nicotine addiction
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boys call everything gay like they didn't customize their dream man on
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dudes will stare at you all night at a function & go home & DM you “i saw u“ 🥴
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not sure if I need a hug, chicken nuggets, 11 shots of tequila, or a week of sleep
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customer: *tells me their entire life story*
me: that's crazy, your total is $13.33
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ask a man for a massage & he start spreading your butt cheeks apart 😒
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drunk peeing with your friends is hands down one of the best bonding moments
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idk i feel like Michael Myers would let me walk away and live... my vibe different
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accepting you’re about to throw up gotta be the worst feeling on gods green earth
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don't get in MY CAR telling me how to drive, sit back and hold on tight 😭
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dudes get they heart broke & start dating anybody, TF you doing with the tamale lady
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me disappearing from someone's life when they do something i don't like
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him: come spend th-"
me: i’m already on the way. you want sum from the store?
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"pussy is everywhere" but not this Juicy Fruit Crème De La Meow Meow
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him: cum on this dick 😋
me: i really want to but you not making me 😩😭
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my coworkers: *just trying to do their job*
me: we should all QUIT! 😭
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the next 4 holidays all include couples stuff...i'll see y'all in March 😔
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sex is suppose to come naturally 🙄
dudes be like pleaseeeeeeeeee can i fuck 😭😭
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men SUCK at compliments, they be like “ima get you pregnant” like bro what
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dudes be like “she’s just a friend” and it’s a girl that he’s had sex with
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i be giving relationship advice with not one successful relationship under my belt😭
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if you cheat on me ima stay & teach you how to cheat without getting caught
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i hate when my brain thinks a kid ugly like why would you think that 😭😭
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if we're dating and we're arguing ima just get naked cause now what? 🤨
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i might just skip hanging up
Christmas lights this year and hang myself
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me when one of my managers tells a customer the exact same thing i just said 🤣
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I WANNA STOP DRINKING‼️ but I realized the owner of the liquor store got a family to feed! last thing ima do is let them kids be hungry 😞
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Halloween parties be so fun like why is Dora twerking and Nemo snorting coke 😭😐
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i’m smoking at the table this thanksgiving either hit the wood or stfu😭
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if i start moaning while we’re kissing just know i’m ready to fuck 😭
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getting your clit rubbed by a dj probably goes crazy, he be down there like wikiwikiwiki
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raw sex be having you tripping over little shit "why you with your family" 😭
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don't fall in love with me, i check the likes on all of your social media accounts🥴
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if you sneak thru my phone while i’m sleeping, sneak and cry too. don’t wake me up 🙄
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god i can't fucking wait for halloween i'm going to put a whole pumpkin up my ass 😫
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