It's almost that time of year when my wife sits next to me on the sofa and glances at me like I'm a piece of shit. Because of what Alan Rickman did to Emma Thompson in a fictional film, released over 20 years ago.

Recreating the joy of the traditional British Christmas Market this weekend. By going to B & Q and shuffling past their sheds, in the pissing rain, while setting fire to money.

While you’re here. I wrote this book. If you like stuff that makes you laugh and cry, you’re in luck.👇🏻 https://t.co/xyRd2Qawyb

‘Frank and Red’ is finally out in paperback in the US today!! 🇺🇸 (America, please treat my grumpy old bugger and relentless little boy kindly.. they’re fragile.)

#CelebrityTraitors How the actual fuck?? 🤣

Is it just me or is this year’s John Lewis advert.. a bit.. meh? (I’d worry that I’m becoming less sentimental.. but this month I have cried at my son’s Tutankhamun powerpoint presentation and a dog with one eye I saw outside Asda).

Trick or treat is such a lovely tradition. The one night of the year you can engage with neighbours, you’ve never spoken to in your life before. By sending your kids round to demand haribo tangfastics in return for not f*king their house up.

The king was annoyed that this scandal overshadowed him being the first monarch to pray with a pope in 600 yrs? So, Charles was annoyed at his paedo brother’s association with a known paedo because it ruined his photo op with the head of the largest paedo ring in human history.

Toby???? Tom poured melted chocolate into a plant pot? #GBBO

Dear Britain, we are all shocked to hear about Claudia and Tess leaving Strictly. For many of us it’s a most cruel reminder of when Mel and Sue left Bake Off. We got through that. We’ll get through this. Together.

📚#BookReview📚 5⭐️#FrankandRed by @mattcoyney is a book that has been on my shelves for too long, wow do I regret not reading it sooner! A wonderful story of an unlikely friendship that will warm even the coldest heart❤️ 🔗Ful Review in🧵below #BookTwitter #Bookblogger

@mattcoyney Well worth 99p of anybody's money. Actually, it's worth full price and more. An absolute gem of a book. Made me laugh out loud and a bit weepy in equal measure but ultimately is a feel good story that I've read several times now. Thank you for the joy.

99p /99c on kindle for the next 48 hrs!! #kindle #kindlereads #kindledeals #booktwt #BooksWorthReading

✈️📖DECISIONS, DECISIONS!✈️ So technically I should be packing right now but as you can see I have become preoccupied with the priorities… What books do I take with me???? I need to narrow it down, which would you pick? (Frank & Red is a definite though! #BookTwitter

Frank and Red is 99p on Kindle today!? #booklover #bookblogger #booktwt

I love the early episodes of #GBBO ..I love seeing the skill of the bakers and all that. But nothing beats someone like Hassan turning up early doors and producing something that looks like somebody has punched a shit.😂

Ok it's lunchtime on Sunday, If you want to get your kids to school on time tomorrow, you need to start telling them to put their shoes on now.

Another mass shooting in the US. Seems an obvious solution, to the rest of the world, that you ban military-grade firearms and save the lives of 10s of thousands. But the US will continue to accept this particular pandemic of dead children because they think guns are real cool.

Massive congratulations to Taylor Swift. Particularly, as her happiness seems to make small-penised men on here lose their shit. 😂

Unpopular opinion: most people who start posts with the words ‘unpopular opinion’ are just click-baiting, attention seeking, looking for likes and rarely believe what they say. The rest are arseholes.