Would’ve been nice to figure my sexuality out before entering my slut era, but here we are

drag queens aren’t reading to your children, they’re just playing the audiobook out loud and lipsyncing to it

speaking of cult movies I also just re-watched Drive (2011) which is about an autistic man who drives around in cool lighting, and this film is good.

Batam doesn’t kill because Bruce Wayne owns the prisons

You can’t tell me you don’t “get” Love Island if you also watch porn

In karate they taught us to never use it to fight, only for self defense, or to protect earth against the forces of Outworld in the Mortal Kombat

currently running on iced coffee, spite, and one (1) lesbian sense of entitlement

Can’t believe I lost money on the fucking Mulaney fight

Go Berds!

We’re never gonna solve the male loneliness crisis

Like the Cuauhtémoc’s mast, I too have snapped in public.

If Kershaw can keep pitching through chronic pain, I can keep dating in LA through unresolved trauma

Just found out my emotional support barista doesn’t actually work at the coffee shop. She’s just been standing behind the counter making eye contact and nodding for 3 weeks. I gave her a tip. We’re in love.

i told my therapist i feel like a fraud, now now we both sit in silence cause it turns out she’s actually a possum in a lab coat and this whole building is just a painted cardboard box

Cold foam is a scam. I do not respect it. I do not respect people who order it.

Adam Ray

Gonna find the doctor who did my circumcision and make him do my vaginoplasty… it’s time to finish what you started doc ✂️

America is like, “Let’s play World War again, but this time we getta be the fascists.”

This! It did start to fade and eventually feel straight but it took a while to unlearn that being into dudes is gay:

See the reason I hate this tweet so much is because I understand it

Everyone in America should see this video and be very concerned about all of it