after the rain, this is how I want to be

I guess the only thing I can do now is being stubborn enough to keep being myself until I die. because I don't think wouldn't be regretful of this. ~🌻

today, as an adult, I face the same thing I did as a kid. sometimes I feel like I'm betraying myself, because I need to act in certain ways and do certain things just to be accepted as a valuable individual enough to survive. – not to live, to "survive."

unconsciously, I felt the impulse to cut all possible ties with things and people that I thought had shaped who I was up to that point. I felt miserable, but the very end of the year, through music I connected with someone I recognized as myself. that creative kid, this is me.

from this thought, I became very different things when growing up, just to be accepted, even in my teenage years. by the pandemic, I felt gross, as if I got stained by so many lies I told to myself and others. like, in the end, behind these bunch of different masks, who am I?

when I was a kid, I got transferred from a small neighborhood school to one of the biggest schools in the city. it was there, after being rejected by other kids many times, that I first learned that being yourself was something to be ashamed of. [...]

wild creature encounter

"SMAAASH!" 💥 the weird energy I had as a wannabe sonic the hedgehog kid

I feel like I have to rush things up regarding being an online artist. I still don't think I'm technically good enough to feel confident about opening commissions. but I really NEED to do this as soon as possible cuz things aren't going so smoothly irl lately

I hate how frequent it is that I get so anxious inside that I can't spend too much time in a chair, focusing on a single specific thing without my brain melting I'm a quiet person, but I'm also too hyperactive internally it's conflicting, so I explode

myself included.

contour drawing from last year imaginary photoshoot

another self-portrait with some creative liberties 🌷

"Could it be...?" 🌬

rad

unfinished stuff

hi

I might need to get braces in the near future I'd feel less weird about this if someone had told me that when I was younger

. . .

about 3 years ago during a rainy morning, I wrote a song called "kodama" (in reference to hayao miyazaki's princess mononoke) I really liked how it sounded, but the chord progression was too similar to another song so I ended up discarding it entirely lol

https://t.co/qq2IymiPD3