I'd give my left tit to go to Blockbuster right now, get some Milk Duds and rent Scream.

A weighted blanket isn't enough. Bury me six feet deep.

Join millions who have switched to Grok.

Almost Friday.

In my villain era but it's just me using the word "no" without further explanation.

RT @CMemelords: me opening Teams every morning

Being an absolute menace to sociey today (being in my 30s driving down a ritzy suburban street while blasting White Zombie's greatest hits).

"Why are you so excited for fall?". Well, I miss being able to breathe air that doesn't feel like fuckass pea soup, walking 2 feet without my body turning to volcanic goo, being in public without choking on the fumes of Mr. Chad Eau De I'm Too Much of a Bro to Wear Deodorant, etc.

Anxiety is so embarrassing, like oh no I'm scared at the farmers' market. If I have to make a single ounce of small talk about locally sourced corn I will spontaneously combust and then you'll see something real organic.

RT @viperwave: The Bloodhound Gang were very special because its music for 12 year old boys but every reference requires you to be 40 years….

"Are you okay?" .Me: No my skin feels weird today and I want it off.

Call my memoir All Quiet on the Frontal Lobe.

I'm a little too self aware to enjoy life and a little too delusional to give up.

This heat made me realize I ain't built for hell and gotta change my lifestyle.

I miss the old days back in 1955 when I didn't exist.

Alien: *crying*. Me: so that was “November Rain“ by Guns n Roses.

Happy Friday.

There's been a British voice in my head saying, "Bit sad innit love" for the past 5 years.

Walking on a dream

Listening to this on a boombox during a thunderstorm would cure me

Bf playing 300 rounds of Mario Kart as I read my book.

Happy Saturday.