We saw this joke online…. Why did the chicken cross the ocean? .—> To get to the other tide. And then things got weird ;-).

2&3. Stabbing & deflating some ball-pit balls (Thought taking away the first set would stop him. A minute later he *magically* found another pair). 4. Snipping his favorite nightshirt (I was in the other room making him pancakes and suddenly realized it was too quiet).

Last Night: I couldn't find any scissors.This Morning: Confiscated 4 separate pairs from the kid over two hours:.1. Cutting his hair (I was sitting next to him and had assumed he'd lose interest after seeing the first hairs fall). (1/2).

How to Torture Parents:.Months ago we bought a bulk pack of Blue Industries kn94-3D masks for the kid. All white but for some reason they threw in ONE colorful mask. Can you guess what the kid insists on wearing? . Even though it’s become disgusting and I can’t find new ones?

Pretty damn cool. (And will still be cool when it launches).

Just reached into my pajama pocket to discover the used tissue the kid insisted I take from him this morning. So, that is how my evening is going.

*Snicker*. Feels like the Hot Wheels designers were punking parents everywhere with this steering column. You could have used ANY other plastic color.

Twitter putting @JoeOnisickBot in my "who to follow" is one of the smarter suggestions I've seen from Twitter. It is an intersection of (people I am fond of)(this should be amusing).

The *real* greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world’s recipe writers that the length of time it actually takes to caramelize onions doesn’t exist. Or to lie about it.

Me: Know what’s interesting? We’re going 30mph relative to the earth. Cars on the other side of the street are also going 30mph in the opposite direction. Relative to each other we’re going 60mph!. Kid: ….….<deep sigh> Can we turn the radio on?’. [Y’all, ‘radio’ is NPR].(2/2).

Sometimes My Kid is Brutal:. <While driving>.Kid: How fast are we going?. Me: About 30mph. Kid: Whoosh!… Whoosh! We’re whooshing by houses! They’re not moving at all!. (1/2).

And why. .

Although the consensus seems to be that the kid needs to be introduced to Snoopy.

Loved all the guesses! 2 things:.1. Picture was drawn on a fridge whiteboard (used to keep track of groceries) which was rotated 90deg for drawing. Back on the fridge I kept seeing a sock with erections & giggling. 2. Artist’s Vision: ‘car with wheels of different heights’

Let’s play a game: guess what the kid (intentionally) drew…

You can't see the AP being thrown. but you can *feel* it.

Current topic of conversation: Pocket Cheese. #CiscoChampion coffee time.

OH: I think your problem was going to a proctologist for a COVID test in the first place.

Now @davidsamuelps is just giving me costume ideas. Also, if I ever sneak into @pjnef's talks I'd dress as a stroopwaffle, as is appropriate. Hopefully these talks are not on Mondays as I don't know how a kilt would fit into the outfit.

In addition to this being very useful, you can also mess with people a little bit. Especially if they don't yet know about it . Person on Webex: "Sorry, my dog is barking".Everyone else on Webex: "We don't hear a dog. Are you feeling OK today?".

The TEAM that made it happen!!!! . #CiscoChampion #CiscoLive #awesomehumans.