Kate
@LadyBroseph
Followers
17,966
Following
821
Media
2,617
Statuses
34,712
good enough psychotherapist and 1/3 of @nafmcpodcast
Kansas City, MO
Joined June 2012
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Send us removal request.
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IF you like movies & friends check out
@nafmcpodcast
bc we watched IF.
In NORTH AMERICAN theaters now!
@thenatewolf
is a Muppet pirate
@murrman5
is a floating dog
IF staring -
Jon Crazyinski
Robin Reynolds
Michael Scott
The little girl
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*sits*
This is nice.
*stands*
This is also pretty cool.
*lays down*
Oh okay this is my favorite.
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I can't dance to this. My first husband was killed in a love shack.
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No, the Church of Satan I go to is different. Very chill. No black robes or chants. You can wear jeans. It's about the relationships.
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Men get boners from cartoons and yet we allow them to make important decisions.
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*drives motorized scooter into meeting I'm late for, around the conference table, and out the door*
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Many said I couldn't crossbreed peacocks and flamingos. Yet, I stand here today with my beloved flamingcocks as an inspiration to our youth.
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Life? Listen to me, kid. You only have to watch River Monsters once for your Netflix recommendations to be in shambles
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(Drinking hot chocolate in public)
This COFFEE tastes GOOD. I LOVE all the bitterness. We're all so SOPHISTICATED.
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It's not Adam and Steve it's Adam and are you serious is this your argument
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What do people who aren't on Twitter do when they think of something funny? Do they just chuckle to themselves? No thanks.
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OTHERWISE?
OTHERWISE?
OTHERWISE?
OTHERWISE?
OTHERWISE?
OTHERWISE?
OTHERWISE?
OTHERWISE?
OTHERWISE?
OTHERWISE?
Cuddling my little nephew Luke... the best part of an otherwise incredible day!
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"How often do you exercise?"
About 3 to 4 times a week.
"Be honest."
2003.
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Always be yourself. There's nothing to lose except the people you love, your job, home and self respect.
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She wasn't the prettiest, her figure was average, she laughed too hard, cursed excessively and was often quite selfish but to see her nap...
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Home decor assumes you regularly forget to live, laugh and love.
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*snatches piece of wood from wizard's hand* What are you going to do now, pussy?
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Is it okay to break up by text if you've only been married two years?
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Teens, if you work hard and pursue your dreams you too can have a total of 90 minutes of free time every 24 hours.
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I remember when I could swim in the bath tub and my dream is to be wealthy enough to do that again.
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911 what is the nature of your emergency?
IF YOU REALLY CARED YOU WOULD ALREADY KNOW.
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When you divorce, you take your ring off right? So when you try to divorce America you don't get to keep your monuments.
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If you file your fingernails sharp and pointy enough you can use them as knives and forks. And guess what, your palm is a spoon.
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Bon Iver can only be appreciated fully between November 1st and February 15th.
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DONALD TRUMP IS STRAIGHT UP MENTALLY ILL AND EVERYONE IS ACTING LIKE HE'S NOT.
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Now let's say our prayers, sweetie.
Okay, mommy. Dear Beyoncé please keep daddy safe in Iraq and thank you for science.
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What's the coolest thing that happened to you in 2015?
I'll go first. I watched an actual human person exit my body.
Now you go.
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If your bio says you're in high school & you fav/rt me between 7am-3pm when school is back in session I will be calling your parents.
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Spoke w a suicidal person today who said they'd never told anyone "but you asked."
Don't wait for your depressed friend to reach out first.
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That's cool you can sting me but then I'm going to straight up murder you and your family and there's no such thing as bee court.
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I
#StandWithPP
because in college I used them to get cheap birth control to prevent the need to get an abortion, idiots.
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I WILL FUCKING RIOT I SWEAR TO ALL THE FUCKING GODS.
YOU HEAR ME
@BetsyDeVos
? FUCKING REAL LIFE RIOTS. I WILL SHIT ON YOUR LAWN.
400,000 students were promised student loan forgiveness. Now they are panicking
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Robert F. Kennedy wrote in his diary that he had "lust demons" which is the pet term I will now use to refer to my future children.
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I wore diapers when I was a baby so I have a lasting psychological belief that pooping my pants is cool.
http://t.co/aOiKsgmiSQ
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Literally the point.
BREAKING: After alt-right organizers saw huge counter-protests in Boston, they've canceled 67 "America First Rallies" scheduled in 36 states
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There is so much we disagree on. This is something we can all agree on.
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If 1000 people favorite this I will live tweet Jupiter Ascending.
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If you don't look ugly when you laugh, you're not laughing hard enough.
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(reality show intro)
(4 other woman say charming things about love)
(I walk up, cross my arms)
"I don't make the hotdogs, I just eat them."
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God: What kind of body shape do you want?
Me: The one where you eat steak & Ghirardelli brownies but still give dudes boners.
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*Strides into men's locker room pointing around*
That mole looks suspicious
Trim
Rethink the length of those shorts
Nice dong
Cool shoes
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I enjoy seeing idealized sexual images of women as much as the next intelligent woman who struggles with body image issues.
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YOUR OLD BITCH ACCEPTED A JOB OFFER TODAY.
BENEFITS START DAY ONE.
GAS CARD.
$400 CAR ALLOWANCE.
MY MANAGER SHARES THE SAME NAME WITH THE ACTOR WHO PLAYED THE DUDE.
THE BEST MONDAY IN YEARS.
Like this to share in the glow of opportunity and positivity.
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A woman who does not consider herself a feminist doesn't know what feminism is or is suffering from Stockholm Syndrome.
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What's your favorite movie? Actually, let's say ours at the same time on three for fun.
1.
2.
3.
ShawshaSUPERBABIES: BABY GENIUSES 2
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Anger is almost always fear or sadness. Anger turns into hate when a person perceives themselves as powerless over what they're feeling.
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Homosexuality occurs in nature but misspelling does not so if you're going to claim a behavior is unnatural take heed.
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More like lobster mac and please, I say to my date. He doesn't laugh. I will not respond to his future texts.
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Save the drama for your mama because your mama is Angela Lansbury and she has won five Tony awards so objectively she is the best at it.
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Things I want to figure out:
1. How/When do you realize you're turned on by someone peeing on you?
2. To what extent is time an illusion?
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As someone who at a point in her life was 80% sure she would one day kill herself, sometimes I feel so joyfully content that I want to barf.
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I've lost 26lbs in 12 days and all I had to do was give birth and shit my pants a lot.
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The most beautiful person I can imagine is a mix of all the races and is holding a large loaf of cheesy garlic bread.
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That was a delicious salad, I said as I turned into the woman I always hoped to be.
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The man sexually assaulted and harassed multiple women. He will never be my President. Unity? Go fuck yourselves. This is not my America.
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Do not tell a woman what it means to be a woman unless you are a woman and even then that's probably not a good idea.
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A year ago today I moved out and finally left a highly dysfunctional marriage. I had a baby and self worth and it occurs to me those two facts can help anyone change their world for the better.
Never let the opinions of others keep you from the scary work of living good.
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You'd think dudes named Chad would be cooler cause chill + rad.
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Like a lot of women I'm into hot dudes. Please follow me if you're a hot dude. Retweet if you're a hot dude so other hot dudes see.
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Dear diary, I learned how to play Magic: The Gathering this week. I have no interest in it. Buncha nerd shit as I expected.
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Root beer is derived from the roots of the beer plant and other things I'm going to lie to my daughter about.
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Boy, are you a yellow sports car because I am embarrassed to be seen with you but I am very pleased with your performance.
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Plaid shorts are ugly. Not as ugly as racism, but if I found out a racist was wearing plaid shorts I would not be surprised.
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"The level of respect I have for you can be gleaned by how many ear buds I remove when you speak to me," I say flatly with both ear buds in.
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I often find crumbs in my cleavage & I get pissed off because that means yet again my boobs have eaten the food I left in there for later.
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*being escorted out of Jo-Ann's* ALL I'M SAYING IS THAT A SKIN SUIT WOULD BE DIFFICULT TO SEW DUE TO THE FABRIC'S MOISTURE CONTENT
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If men got pregnant their balls would fill with milk so the baby would have KATE SHUT THE FUCK UP
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Responses To A Babbling Infant
Kevin Spacey didn't think so.
You know what I also heard that about avocado.
You sound like your father.
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(Written in cursive on bleached barn wood) The portal to hell is within you.
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I think under the right circumstances chocolate milk could give me an orgasm.
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I blew, like, 5 veterans today. What the fuck did you do? Nice Facebook post, poser.
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The man who lives with me did not know until tonight that you don't put your arm through these things.
http://t.co/XvP7B48yg3
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Go find someone who is nice to you. Make no exceptions. You deserve to be treated kindly. And if they love you but can't be kind, move on.
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