I guess I’ve gotten so used to saying “excuse us” when I’m with my kids that I say it now even when I’m alone. I realized recently it was weird and was overcome with sadness at the thought of how much time I’ve wasted not saying it in a Gollum voice.

Great British Bake Off but you pair every contestant with a 3-year-old who really wants to help.

Once a day I think about how there are books out there that I would absolutely love, that would change me, and I’ll never know about them. I’m sharing that thought with you because hurt people hurt people.

“From the fall onward, few features display the creativity of Adam’s family better than our attempt to evade blame.” @ me next time

One time June was in the backseat and kept saying “There’s a crab on me!” I thought she was pretending so I kept doing the Mom “oh yeah? Wow...” and she kept saying it so I finally looked back and there was a spider in her lap.

One day you’re young and cool and all of the sudden you don’t like driving at nighttime.

Do you ever rewatch a movie and for a second you’re like, “There are WAY too many people there! And no masks?!” and then you realize it’s Remember the Titans and it was filmed 20 years ago?

Whatever poor soul invented Quiet Mouse should’ve won the Nobel Peace Prize

Debate? More like what de-crap happened last night?

People: That’s the worst thing that could ever happen 2020: Hold my antipsychotics

“If the world is cold, make it your business to build fires.” -Horace Traubel

June: *whispers something to me about the cashier that I thought I understood* Me: She says you’re really pretty 🥰 Cashier: “aww, that’s-“ June: “No, I said I LIKE HER BOOTY!!”

False freedom: “Be true to you.” Real freedom: “Be true to him.” Teaching this to children is the most revolutionary thing a 21st-century parent can do.

“But she’s just old, you know, she doesn’t understand. I mean, she still counts to twenty when she washes her hands.” - my grandchildren probably

COVID Update July 23: If you don’t know many people who have Coronavirus, its because you don’t know the people who pick the food you eat. Yes many of the people getting sick are working for us. 1/

If it’s 90 degrees outside but “feels like” 103, it’s 103 degrees outside.

I stopped trusting people when I learned Lindsay Lohan wasn’t really a twin.

“I said to myself, why worry? God knows what He is doing. His work is not going to suffer. It will rather be a help to it in the end. Out of it, I believe, great good is coming.” -Francis Grimké, a pastor in DC during the Spanish Flu epidemic. Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief.

You haven’t felt fear until you’ve heard your 5 year old say, “There’s a little snake in our playroom.” FWIW: it was a ladybug.