Laurmageddon
@knittykitty
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1,756
Following
577
Media
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Statuses
42,622
Airport Witch. Black Lives Matter. she/her
Philadelphia, PA
Joined December 2011
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I don’t think I’ve ever heard a bird with anything other an an American accent 😭 Onion is so good
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Flyers had the opportunity to do the funniest thing ever and they took it
Come hungry to
@WellsFargoCtr
tonight and score $1 hot dogs courtesy of
@DietzandWatson
! 🌭
#STLvsPHI
|
#LetsGoFlyers
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This is the best day of my life
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When my grandmother asked me to send her this photo of my cat, I didn’t expect her to use it to own me on Facebook harder than I’ve ever been owned on the internet. Where do I go even from here?
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Taping over Provorov the homophobe’s jersey to make a Drysdale one for Drysdale��s first game, which happens to be coinciding with pride night is so iconic
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Must brag about my Mommom, who crocheted this blanket for my roommate 🥰
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@GrittyNHL
Gritty, I know we’ve been playing a one-sided game of cat and mouse for almost a year and a half now.
The time has come.
I want you to throw a sheet cake at me.
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Phillies just released a new season ballpark pass $50 a month for every regular home season game. That’s not bad 🧐
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Thinking about this guy lifting weights in the bed of a pick up truck on broad street. Philly never ceases to amaze.
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@TheEconomist
If employees work remotely their companies should pay them more to cover the cost of internet, electricity, heating/cooling their home during the day, supplies, and it’s none of my employer’s damn business where I live as long as I get my work done.
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How Philadelphians sound when they get a really nice Saturday after months of staying inside:
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A copyright lawsuit
Dear men, what is preventing you from looking like this
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@DanCrenshawTX
I tried paying my rent with my can-do attitude instead of money because I lost my job due to the entire events industry being wiped out by a pandemic that has killed a quarter of a million American people, and my landlord served me eviction papers. What gives?
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BEWARE: As Halloween gets closer,
@BensalemPolice
are harshing the vibe
BEWARE: As Halloween gets closer,
@BensalemPolice
are warning parents to LOOK at your child’s candy before they eat it. They confiscated these snacks that look a lot like the real thing. All are laced with THC
@6abc
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Apparently the only correct way to enjoy the super bowl now is to watch Eagles win on the second screen
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4 months ago, I got really sick unexpectedly. We didn’t know if I would be okay. On my last night in the hospital I resolved that when I was better, I was dying my hair blonde and buying myself a steak. My dad offered to take me instead, so tonight we toasted L’Chaim, “to life.”
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Yeah, you’re fuckin welcome
Philly drivers love to almost hit you with their car then wave for you to go ahead like they’re doing you a favor
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L, and I cannot stress this enough, OL.
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Planet Fitness is opening what looks like all or almost all of its area locations to locals who need a shower or water which is pretty fuckin rad if you ask me
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-> Swiss Chard has entered the chat!
Swiss Chard is a 10 year old sweetie who is currently eligible for adoption through the PSPCA! I’m very excited to have a buddy in the house and will be even happier to help him find his forever home 😻
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Nolan Patrick looks absolutely miserable in that interview and anyone pressuring him into playing while sick probably calls out of work for a sniffle and has no idea what he’s going through. He’s so young with so much potential and I’m sure he’s devastated not to be on the ice.
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I want to know what the hell medical facility is providing these tests to rich people without symptoms. How can they justify prioritizing famous rich people over the general public? Where are the tests coming from? Where?
Breaking: Kevin Durant is among four Nets players who tested positive for the coronavirus.
Durant confirmed the positive test to The Athletic and said he is feeling fine.
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White privilege is being so horny for capitalism that you’re protecting a fucking target and not getting arrested for breaking curfew while across the city there are military grade vehicles dispensing chemical weopons in quiet majority black residential neighborhoods
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Last year during the Super Bowl I was transferred from the ICU at Pennsylvania Hospital to the ICU at HUP because I was dying and this year I got to celebrate not dying!
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2021 will be the year Gritty throws a sheet cake at me I can feel it
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Arthur, my sweet little old man, passed away yesterday.
When you have a cat, on your best or worst day, you always have someone to come home to. I’ll miss him so very much, and I know everyone who had the pleasure of spending time with him will too.
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Mom Mom saw how much everyone loved this blanket and decided to make one to sell to auction off to benefit a cause very dear to her, the local Veterans Multi-Service Center. Link below!
Must brag about my Mommom, who crocheted this blanket for my roommate 🥰
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It’s my birthday and normally I’d make a really sappy post but I really needed a lot of reasons to laugh this year so please laugh with me about the most ridiculous cake I’ve ever had. Happy birthday to me, against all odds I’ve made it to 28 🥳
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Stephen has been using the commercial breaks to explain “a drive to deep left field by Castellanos” to the one person who missed it on Twitter and the rest of us who were just excited to hear the story again
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Nope nope nope nope nope nope
Must brag about my Mommom, who crocheted this blanket for my roommate 🥰
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I just passed a dad pushing a toddler in a stroller and the kid was looking at a phone and the dad goes “what’s the score” and this tiny little voice goes “they’re winning!” So I said “no they’re not it’s tied you little shit”
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This is my “annoyed at my grandmother for showing up at my house unannounced in the middle of the workday and finding out that she secretly brought my twin brother in who I haven’t seen in 7 months home for Passover” face
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Just remember folks, sometimes dreams should become memes
2021 will be the year Gritty throws a sheet cake at me I can feel it
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Sat down at the wedding and the girl across the table who I’ve never met turns to her partner and points at me and says “she was the one that gritty threw a sheet cake at”
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White privilege is being able to say “I don’t want to talk about this anymore”
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I don’t know what to call the anniversary of the day a person didn’t die but today was my anniversary of the day I didn’t die so, happy two years of not being dead to me!
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Happy anniversary to that time I went on a cruise to Alaska with my ex boyfriend!
#breakupcruise
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Can't wait for quarantine to be over so I can settle down with someone, pop out a couple kids, and take my rightful place in society as a real-life pixar mom with an absolute dump truck ass.
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The Flyers My Uterus
🤝
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This is how I found out my twin brother proposed to his girlfriend. I don’t even think I can show my face at the wedding, that’s how hard I was roasted. He’s not even on twitter.
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@ThiccAllen
@dansbadtweets
@DanCrenshawTX
I tried eating my boot straps but they tasted gross am I doing this right?
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Something something perfect wedding date, something something hard launch, something something idk we look hot, like the tweet what do you want from me
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As an ass enthusiast and owner I must say, big fan of the tush push
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I’m proud to say I’m stronger than ever and mean it. I’ve been working hard, and I’m having my other shoulder fixed today which means I’m only a few more months away from being the strongest I’ve ever been 😎💪
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@hexappeaI
I cropped mine and kept it moving
Happy anniversary to that time I went on a cruise to Alaska with my ex boyfriend!
#breakupcruise
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I know this motherfucker did not just tell me to fucking GOOGLE where to get a test
I know COVID testing remains frustrating, but we are making improvements.
In the last two weeks we have stood up federal testing sites all over this country — and we are adding more each day.
Google “COVID test near me” to find the nearest site where you can get a test.
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If you want a good example of a Northeast Philly accent, look no further than my inability to pronounce my twin brother’s name. His name is Allen.
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Trying Velcro rollers for the first time and my mailman caught my eye as he was about to leave packages for me so of course now I have to go get them. I open the door and he goes “oh if you’re doing readings I’ll stay longer”
Absolutely fucking owned
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My coworker took this picture of me at work because I looked “like a marvel villain” which is such a massive compliment I feel so badass rn
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Nothing gives me greater joy in life than slutting around Disney World showing off how childless I am and making children cry by *checks notes* buying a pretzel
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I’ve been sending my twin brother this horrendous photo of myself with his facial hair for years as an inside joke. Last year his friends gave him a pillow with the photo on it. This year I decided to keep the tradition going.
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Got all done up for work to look fly with my new haircut and then remembered that I work from home.
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3rd annual dad and daughter steak dinner in the books! Being alive is awesome you guys should give it a try sometime 🤗
4 months ago, I got really sick unexpectedly. We didn’t know if I would be okay. On my last night in the hospital I resolved that when I was better, I was dying my hair blonde and buying myself a steak. My dad offered to take me instead, so tonight we toasted L’Chaim, “to life.”
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2021 will be the year Gritty throws a sheet cake at me I can feel it
2020 will be the year Gritty throws a sheet cake at me I can feel it
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The Taco Bell at 10th and chestnut delivers breakfast. Just thought some people might be interested to know.
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Me and my pals when we’re all vaccinated
Just a parrot at the vets pleased about his recovery
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Happy Easter!
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