This man is going to be trouble

I cannot believe Bob Barker lived as close to 100 as possible without going over.

Men in suits on citibikes

You know somethings really wrong when I’m googling ‘is mercury in retrograde?’

Telling my mom about my problems and her solution was: “Maybe you should play lotto tonight” 🫠

I’m putting all the bad boys in iMessage jail (mute)

“Can I get you anything? Water, Wine, MILK?” Don’t expect to be invited back if you take me up on my offer of milk

I need to see the stats of the people who buy flannel sheets

And then there’s those people that have children on leashes and dogs in strollers

Sometimes I get to make cool things with really cool people. We really did that! . @mwillemsbk @asianalien @kimboslicelet @TroyStains @Fizzleandgems @lesmith5 @nikimcgloster @_stephlin @taylorcarter

In my 27 years as a New Yorka I’ve never actually been hit by a pigeon until today. Someone lent it a copy of The Birds or its a sign from @stapleverse

easily a top 3 project i've worked on at twitter s/o to the team 🧙‍♂️@NathanielCosta @spicytinaa 🎥🎞@francis @asianalien 🎨@runkickshout @kimboslicelet @bunnieeatmuffin ✍️@DanTheGrassIs 🪄@Chills900 🧚‍♀️@sabsyamaguchi @ajamyjones @hey_resh 🤝@TheSmarmyBum @BevJack @Fizzleandgems

This weekend I was thankful that someone at my friendsgiving introduced to me to the insult "if she was a state she'd be New Jersey"

my roommate went from "I'm on a keto diet" to "is soy sauce healthy? too bad" in a matter of months

getting alittle fast and loose with the @ here on slack this season

Update on my dad the real estate mogul of New York, he has whipped out the paper Real Estate section of The New York Times

All these kids from Long Island need to move out of their New York covid-rent-stabilized apts now, mom and dad need you back home in Roslyn

My dad told my mom he thinks i need to "open my mind" to renting in the West Village instead of Brooklyn. Has he opened his mind to my shower being in my kitchen?

every uber driver in LA just wants to tell me about who they were in highschool

gonna need everyone to log off