Kate Lister
@k8_lister
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Blonde Bomb Site. #PhD #ADHD #PMT Owner of @WhoresofYore . Sex Historian, Author, & Host of Betwixt the Sheets Podcast
Yorkshire
Joined October 2010
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Pinned Tweet
Well, it’s not quite how I wanted to announce it to
@BasisSexWork
or to you, but corona had other ideas. If you preordered
#CuriousHistoryOfSex
, this is where your money has gone. Thank you. Xx
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How old were you when you realised your original plan of being really nice, working really hard, & taking on much more than you should in the hope you would be automatically rewarded for this without asking, was totally shit?
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Apparently, the average person has sex around 51 times a year.
Not sure I’m ready for the next four days, tbh.
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This is such bollocks. 41 years ago two irresponsible people had unprotected sex and now I have to get up in the dark and go to work.
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My brother is an engineer in the navy. He literally builds and operates submarines. Safe to say, he has never fielded as many submarine questions in the family group chat as he has in the last 48 hours.
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I love the
#AlanPartridgePodcast
more than I can say. In the latest series, Alan offers his own commentary on the coronation. I had to see if it actually matched up with the real footage, and I’m howling. This is amazing. 💀💀
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The Joker said, “if you’re good at something, never do it for free.” While it is nice to be nice & it is great to work hard & to try & be good at whatever you do, but do not do that shit for free, people! Know your worth… and then add tax.
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It genuinely upsets me that vanilla is a byword for boring. A spice made from orchids in Madagascar, whose name has the same root as vagina because the Spanish thought the pod resembled one? Are you kidding me?
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*RUNS IN*
What do you call Andrew Tate in jail??
- An In Cell
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I love my family but a heated row has broken out about which is the better Christmas Carol: the muppets or the Robert Zemeckis, CGI one. My 9yo niece is explaining how the CGI one is more faithful to the text & I am explaining that the other one has muppets & that she is wrong
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Does anyone else set alarms before their real alarm so they can go back to sleep for a bit before having to get up… even though sleeping is exactly what they would be doing if didn’t do this? Like practice wake ups?
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@neilhimself
My absolute favourite Twitter ATM is ppl telling Neil Gaiman he’s Neil Gaimaning wrong.
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Obviously the government now regard
#CumGate
as closed and are going to stop answering questions on this. So I want to make 100% sure I understand what they are saying has happened.
Thread
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Really BBC? REALLY? Weirder than, say, James I’s Daemonologie about how you find, prove, and punish witches?
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I can recite all of Cardi B’s WAP in Gen Z, from memory. It’s not a basis for a functioning system of government.
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Still can’t believe we grew up being told that old women living alone in the woods with their cats, and eating anyone who bothered them, were wicked. Those bitches were geniuses.
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This is one of the most profound & moving things that has ever happened to me as a lecturer - and will hopefully show why it’s so important for organisations like Stonewall to continue working with universities to create a safe space for all LGBTQ+ ppl.
(A happy story thread)
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I’m not even angry that
#dominiccummimgs
disregarded lockdown rules. Fuck him, he’s a twat. What angers me is the government trying to defend it - like we all just misread the small print & there was really no need for us to have struggled quite so much.
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“I was not watching pornography on Twitter. I was worried my penis didn’t work, so I had to give it a test run. I pressed the like button as I was concerned for my family’s welfare.
Reasonable people may disagree.”
#Gove
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Oh will you just sod off with this ableist, classist crap? I could spell FUDGE with my GCSE results and it wasn’t until I *got* to university that I got a diagnosis & support for several learning difficulties. Now I have a PhD & teach at university.
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For all those thinking of retraining but are worried about “being 41 and starting uni”, or “being 52 by the time I graduate”, etc., you’ll still be 41 / 52 whatever happens - but you could be that age & doing something you want to do.
Hope this helps.
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Gp: you’re definitely not pregnant? Any signs you could be?
Me: you mean like the Archangel Gabriel appearing before me?
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Men who shout at women while they’re running are the worst.
Just finished a cheeky 5k and was shouted at the whole way round. It was all “private property” this, and “stop thief” that. Absolute Creeps.
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No, they didn't. They trained staff in how to best support students who were already sex working. Research shows 6% of UK students are engaged in sex work - and universities need to know how to support them.
Durham University offers training for students working in sex industry
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My current random niche craze on TikTok at the moment is young women telling their Italian uncles that they were asked out on a date but then had to pay the whole bill.
😂😂😂
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I will not be supporting Jess Phillips to become the next leader of the Labour Party because she campaigns for regulatory models that severely hurt sex workers. She has also shown scant regard or respect for the wishes of those within the sex industry.
#thread
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@neilhimself
I hereby name the phenomenon of ppl telling Neil Gaiman is he wrong about his own work
#Gaimansplaining
. In cases pertaining specifically to Sandman, Gaimansplaining will be hereto be known as
#SandMansplaining
.
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Yes, men think about the Roman Empire daily, but has anyone asked women how often they think about living alone in a woodland cottage and making their own chutneys??
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Just FaceTimed 6yo nephew who excitedly told me about a trip to Hadrian’s Wall & all the stuff he’s leant - Romans, food, swords, etc. But my favourite part was that he kept saying “but they’re all dead now.”
I’m going to start doing this in my work at the end of each paragraph
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Gen Z are fabulous and no one will tell me otherwise. Who else would turn
#MickLynch
taking on Kay Burley over the
#RailStrikes
into a rave banger? The kids are alright. 😂
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Shout out to my fellow oddbods who are still going to bed with the window open a crack bc they can’t sleep unless their entire body is warm under the duvet but the top of their head is kept cool by an icy breeze.
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Both he and his wife then wrote about their experiences with Coronavirus but thought it best not to mention they hadn’t been at their home, just in case this caused a socially distanced mob to march on them in Durham.
Is that about it?
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Yes BBC, some uni staff get these salaries, but many do not, or they work on zero hr contracts, or they’ve had their pension slashed, or are working 60hs a week. I’ve got a good wage & a permanent(ish) job - & I am striking for those who do not… because that’s what a union does
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@DailyMirror
“Bereaved fiancé is left money from her long term partner’s estate to raise their child.” Fixed it for you!
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Do you ever look at old pictures of yourself & think how great you looked, & remember how you hated on yourself for being ugly, looking like that?
You’re still doing that. You will look at pictures of yourself right now in 10yrs & think, what was I on about?
Enjoy it now
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9yo niece asked me if Santa was real. I deflected this question by quickly telling her where babies come from instead.
Bossing this auntie stuff.
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I feel that I’ve never truly understood the French Revolution until now.
After 2 weeks of multiple health screens and asking everyone to quarantine, I surprised my closest inner circle with a trip to a private island where we could pretend things were normal just for a brief moment in time.
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Being an adult means saying the same three lies every weekend until you die.
1. I’m gonna give this place a proper tidy up
2. No sense in starting the diet until Monday
3. Things should start to calm down after next week
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Never thought I’d feel sorry for Boris Johnson, and I’m absolutely right. I don’t.
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Overheard: “Well, of course I’d like a pay rise, we’d all like a pay rise, but we don’t all go on strike!!”
Oh, you are so close to getting this!!!
#RailStrikes
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For the last time people, the doctors and nurses on pornhub aren’t actually qualified to give out medical advice.
Bryan Adams: ‘My doc says men need sex 27 times a month, but who gets that?’
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Be careful before synching your outlook diary with your iPhone calendar and Fitbit, because everyone in my department now knows I have a bikini wax booked in for tomorrow and took 17 steps yesterday.
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I am a lecturer at Leeds Trinity University and I have never been told not to use capital letters.
To prove it, I AM A LECTURER AT LEEDS TRINITY UNIVERSITY AND I HAVE NEVER BEEN TOLD NOT TO USE CAPITAL LETTERS.
This is nonsense.
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@realDonaldTrump
Who the hell is this “best pollster in Britain”?? No one in Britain is saying the election was stolen. These are some of our newspapers front pages today - they’re all pretty much the same.
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This video provides one of the most powerful serotonin hits you’ll ever experience in under 2 minutes.
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My fat ass saw a biscuit selection box
A wee selection of 330 million year old treasure 🏴🖤
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I don’t know who needs to hear this, but it is possible to do a nice thing for a homeless person without filming it and putting it on social media.
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For the first time ever, I’ve joined a local community Facebook group - & it’s the funniest, pettiest, maddest shit I’ve ever seen.
Highlights this week include…
“DON’T PARK OUTSIDE MY HOUSE”
“Someone’s spray painted the swans again.”
And…
“Did anyone else hear that bang??”
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Imagine if everyone taking actions against sex work - from politicians & abolitionists to the ppl at
#OnlyFans
& MasterCard - had to hand over their internet history for public scrutiny before doing so.
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But if we don’t have a woman playing Dr Who, how will young ladies possibly avoid a life of crime? Check your privilege, Nick.
Conservative MP Nick Fletcher says Doctor Who being played by a woman has pushed young men into crime.
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Wait, so a 21yo smoked weed and ended up in the Olympics??? Well fair play to her. I smoked weed at 21 and ended up in a skip.
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Now we moved teaching online, it’s harder than ever for history students to access the course statues. I just hope we can get enough statues in the library for the students to use. Of course I have a recommend statue list, but buying a new statue every week can really add up.
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It’s weird but, so far, no one I’ve called a “boy boss” has taken it as a compliment.
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Last week, a man who sent me & other women historians obscene images & messages was jailed in the Scottish courts for 15 months. Here is what happened.
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@wlr312
Hahahaahha! He’s not there yet, but you can feel the rage brewing. He has explained IN DETAIL what the difference is between a submarine and a submersible in the chat.
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Shout out to everyone else who doesn’t want to go big and wants to go home.
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Guys will do literally anything rather than go to therapy.
Bro doing the most INSANE workouts ever 😯 (via devonlevesque/IG)
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I’ve been watching the intense debate surrounding
@Mermaids_Gender
unfold in recent days - including the publication of Janice Turner’s article on the training Mermaids offer - based on a training session that was recorded in January 2018.
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I’m not liking 2021. I’d like to cancel my 5 days free trial please.
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One of the shittest things about getting older is how easily you hurt yourself. I once tore my knee out while trampolining nude at a rock festival. Now *that* is an injury.
Today, I hurt my neck taking painkillers with water too aggressively. 😭
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I’ve been watching Netflix’s
#HowToBecomeACultLeader
& I think I can do it. Given how popular my duck post was, I’m thinking of basing my cult on tiny ducks. Our whole thing will hiding tiny ducks on non believers. We will call ourselves the megalomaniquacks. WHOSE WITH ME??
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This is why commas are important.
I'm filming a youtube about Napoleon's sex life with
@k8_lister
and those fiends at
@HistoryHit
have booked a little studio right across from this place.
Shots fired.
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I absolutely love living on my own but one of the few downsides is there is absolutely no one else to blame for your own nonsense.
WHO HAS BEEN EATING BISCUITS IN THE BATH???
- oh right. Yeah.
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#LeonardoDiCaprio
really needs to stop dating under 25s. Frankly, anyone over the age of 40 needs to be with someone who enjoys naps & can recognise the signs of a pulmonary embolism
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STOP ASKING US TO PRINT RETURNS LABELS OUT AT HOME!!!
I wanted a pair of boots not an administrative quest.
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Just give the nurses a raise. Just give them all the money they’re asking for. THEY’RE NURSES FFS. I can’t even understand how this is an issue.
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@lily_bellle
Wait - you get to live in the city centre apartment? And all you have to do is load a Canadian lass up with Greggs sausage rolls and wave a pledge dusters about the place?! Then cover me in maple syrup and call me Alanis - I am in.
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Do you know who’s not on Epstein’s flight list? Drag queens who want to read to kids in libraries.
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What an inspiration. I can’t tell you how embarrassed I am that my grandma just died instead of powering through covid at work.
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@itxaropena
I remember when we all thought George Bush Jr was the dumbest president in American history and it couldn’t possibly get any worse.
Good times.
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I’ve been a bit poorly, so my niece is cheering me up by sending me videos of her practising ventriloquism, only she doesn’t have a puppet & can’t send videos. So, it’s mostly ventriloquism via text - which means sending me made up texts from an imaginary crow she’s called Ronald
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HAPPY UPDATE. Yes, yes you can. I reported this horrible person to
@WestYorksPolice
who located the offender in Scotland and passed it to
@PoliceScotland
who found, arrested him, & CHARGED him
Mini thread
Can I report dick pics to the police? I’ve got an absolute creep in my Facebook DMs sending me all kinds of awfulness. There isn’t an option to report in messenger & FB will only take action if he’s posting to his profile.
This makes me so angry. Is there anywhere to report to?
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Time capsule from the 70s. Extra points if you get all the references.
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I’m not saying this year has been tough for singletons, but I am saying that the delivery guy just asked me where I wanted it and I accidentally called him daddy.
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I’m so, so pleased that A has been able to express the Sara in him & accept himself. There are many lessons here, but as a lecturer the lesson for me is that you have no idea what your students are going through or how your actions can impact others.
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By a spectacular coincidence, it was also his wife’s birthday, which may have been why she didn’t offer to drive instead. They stopped to have a sit down, which had the unfortunate effect of looking like he was having a day out to passers by instead of an essential sit down
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Ah. One of my favourite features of
#ADHD
- time blindness. Someone is coming to collect a sofa “between 10 & 2” & obviously now I cannot function as a normal human. Can I make a sandwich? Use the loo? WHAT IF THEY COME THEN? I’m literally sat by the door until they get here.
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Do you supposed Darth Vader had the stormtroopers attend compulsory away days & made them do group work, with flip charts & magic markers, where they discussed performance & development objectives?
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I think I’m a bit too old for a Sugar Daddy now, but I’m wondering if I could get away with some kind of Splenda Uncle? Someone who sends me vouchers & presents on special occasions, but that I don’t have to see very often. I think I could handle that.
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Top tip. When buying loved ones bathbombs for Christmas, avoid anything yellow that calls itself a “Lemon Fizz.” This is not quite the sophisticated experience I was trying to create.
😳 😂
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I know we’re freakin furious about
#dominiccunmings
but please don’t let this stop you from looking after yourself & each other properly. The virus is not less infectious because some twat visited
#BarnardCastle
. You’re not going to stick it to the man by giving your nan covid19
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Catcalling is shite but women telling other women they don’t know that they like their hair / clothes / makeup / whatevs., is freaking ace! A woman I don’t know told me she likes my boots & I’m properly made up. Does this phenomenon have a name? Lass-liking? Sister-lifting??
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I would like everyone to know that today, I fixed my washing machine!! On my own, with only YouTube, a hacksaw, and glue to help me.
Im so proud of myself
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Ok! I’ve done one more because it is just so funny, but you’ll have to listen to the whole episode along with the bbc coverage to get the full effect. Enjoy!
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Believing his wife had covid & that he would also get it, he put his wife, his child and the virus in some kind of super car and drove across the country without stopping to stay on his parent’s farm, where his nieces has offered themselves as tribute.
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FFS auntie Laura! “Yes, the muppets is a cinematic masterpiece but if the question is which is the better version of Dickens’ text, then it has to be Zemeckis.” 🤦♀️
Yeah, well I have a PhD in 19th literary history & I say Dickens was wrong to leave the muppets out.
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Motion to allow everyone to knock 2 years off their actual age to compensate for the last 18 months of total bollocks.
All in agreement say AYE.
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Is anyone having a bad day? Would a video of a baby making fun of his dad’s northern accent help? I thought so.
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So sorry I had to delete the duck post. I have had some journalists contact me about it & it was never supposed to be a story in the press. The pictures are of my family & they didn’t know they might end up in the Sun. So glad you enjoyed the duck chaos as much as we did! X
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How is it the government tests and trace app has failed after three months & millions of pounds, when two drunk women can trace every ex girlfriend of any man on the planet with nothing more than his nickname in high school and a strong WiFi connection?
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The bit that really enraged me about
#HewEdwards
sexting someone that wasn’t his wife was when Boris Johnson said he was going to hand over all of his WhatsApp messages to the covid enquiry, and didn’t.
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