Julia Segal
@juliasegal
Followers
30K
Following
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Media
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Statuses
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I’m a writer. Sometimes it’s funny sometimes it’s a horror movie but so far it’s never a funny horror movie.
Los Angeles, CA
Joined April 2009
I’ve been obsessed with Jordan Goodwin ever since last week when I said “who tf is Jordan Goodwin?” #lakers
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girl did you just fall out of a coconut tree? because you exist in the context of all in which you live and what came before you (in the hottest way possible)
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People always tell me they can’t believe how old I am! (because I lie about my age and they don’t believe it)
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please someone at these debates talk about the brat album, i’m so bored
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love when 2 annoying people start a podcast together, it gives me a new way to ignore them
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Oh, you like Moby Dick too? Guess you could say we’re a bunch of dickheads.
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the worst/saddest part about the song “Brick” by Ben Folds Five is imagining having sex with Ben Folds.
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Yes, I love you, but it doesn’t mean I’m going to text you back.
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Tucker Carlson caught on video saying a woman was “YUMMY” Hmm, I wonder who she was?
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a false tooth but instead of cyanide it’s just emergency tums
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how do my kids find the worst stuff on YouTube? There is no reason you need to be watching “top 5 white rappers cursed by the amulet”
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Yes, it was negative energy, but at least I was being energetic.
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My book “How to Fix Your Life Without Leaving Your Room Or Talking To Anyone” won’t be finished if I don’t figure out how to do all that soon.
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These mushrooms just feel like I’ve had a few glasses of wine, with drugs in them.
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