My wife would give me a kidney but she will not share her Kit-Kat.

I love being regaled.

Going to take a short, soft look at myself.

I have my son’s eyes.

Why do we live in this world?

Does anybody understand economics?

As I took in the unappreciated beauty of downtown Mississauga, I couldn’t help but wonder: Is there a Mister sauga?

I live to comport

The label on my jar of peanut butter says to refrigerate after opening. That’s ridiculous, right? Are you people refrigerating your peanut butter?

I’m down to my last can of worms.

What recent papers of yours (or by others) do you think could be worth including on course syllabi? I offer some new suggestions here:

What else can one do with a grudge?

Wife: I can’t think in this font!

8yo: What’s the 15th largest thing you’ve ever seen?

One of the other parents at the park was being kind of annoying so I told him how many days there are until Christmas.

My wife refers to our wedding as “my wedding” even when she’s talking to me.

“Chances are it’s fifty-fifty” is something I just heard.

My wife just accused me of "hiding spoons"

Me: Come to the bathroom and brush your teeth. We're late for school! My son: Just a minute! I'm giving an award to a cat.

Time for my favourite game: What's in my son's pockets today?

Me: He soon realizes that he has developed the power of existential import... Marvel: pass! Me: It gets better. Over the course of a few months, he assembles an elite crime-fighting team. They call themselves The For All X-Men. Marvel: PASS!