Pic 1 clipped from https://t.co/1EfCnW9EnU

A story in two pictures

I cannot imagine being 81 years old with plenty of money and millions of people begging me to retire and then deciding to just keep working. Like someone dare me just one person (and also gimme the money) and I’ll do it I swear

I don’t WANT to “pay rent.” I WANT to be an evil chocolate maker who lives in the walls. 😤

2024 predictions In: Doing the in/out thing Out: 202x bingo card

Tfw you’re shuffling your old music and you’re like “what happened to this band” and their bio is like “then they signed to burger records in 20xx” and all their socials are gone 🧐

Shuffle just followed up SZA “Drew Barrymore” with Rihanna “Kiss it Better.” Devastating one-two punch

@AirCanada Apologies to everyone that complaining on twitter is the only route to customer service 🥴

Dude @AirCanada is the worst. They lost my clothes and gear 7 weeks ago. Since then I've spent over $1000 replacing stuff and, despite spending hours on the phone with them, they haven't even refunded my baggage fees. 0/10 do not recommend.

Don’t mind me. I’m just over here wrighting my play.

Ok why is playwright spelt like that?

Sometime the bass really do go zoom

there is absolutely no amount of health benefits from ice baths/cold plunges/cold water in the shower that could make me want to do them. how is this so popular?

like are you kidding me?? https://t.co/oTSv6t5oZ0

why the f didn’t anyone tell me about sleaford mods and I just had to read tweets about some weirdos opening for blur and got curious in 2023. i think this is my new fav band wtf

Threads is gonna be awesome. Mark Zuckerberg would never fuck up a perfectly fine social media site.

My favorite part of having @Windows is running into an issue then seeing that countless people have brought it up on their support site for 10+ years, and every response is like "Try updating the drivers. Did that Work?" "No" "This discussion is locked"

I just ordered Mexican food in Toronto-Pearson airport while waiting to fly to Texas and my dumb ass got exactly what I deserve

Ted Lasto

Wow tough day to be a millionaire funded by billionaires on cable news