John Shuttleworth
@johnshuttlewrth
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Versatile singer/songwriter from Sheffield, South Yorkshire. Official account. http://
Sheffield, South Yorkshire.
Joined June 2009
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Pinned Tweet
My 40th Anniversary Tour RAISE THE OOF is now on sale! For dates visit
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I may have found something worse than having 2 margarines on the go - reaching for your second Twix finger and discovering you’ve already eaten it. Oof, it’s heartbreaking!
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Here’s a festive video of me and Ken (don’t worry - we are bubbling under together) singing ‘Red Wine & Hobnobs’. Have a lovely little Christmas, followers!
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Here’s my Christmas offering for 2023, followers. ‘We Saw the New Year in.. In An Inn!’ Hope you like it and Kevin Baldwin’s super animated sections. Have a cracking Crimbo and New Year - wherever you may see it in!
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I’m not so sure.. this imposter has a jacket collar that’s uneven, his polo neck is all rucked up, and whereas I’m always clean shaven, this lad is sporting an unkempt beard!
Bung a pair of glasses on him and he’s gone full John Shuttleworth.
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I was tickled pink to see myself featured in the London New Year Light Display. They even got me punching the air, look!
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Fifty years, eh? What upsets me most about this photo is that not one of these lads is checking for oncoming vehicles! You should do, you know.. and only stop checking once you’re safely across!
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One way to reduce anxiety while waiting for Sue Gray’s report is to tidy your tool box. Don’t forget to pop stray screws back into your screw jar and retrieve any Allen keys that have slipped off their ring.
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While queuing up to pay for my fuel last night at the local filling station (£16.65 worth - the year of the Plague!) I was aghast to spot this extra long Bounty Bar. See how it’s struggling to keep straight. Never before was the cardboard tray so needed. Oof, it breaks my heart!
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In case Mary makes me take our Christmas tree down again, I thought it wise to film a short seasonal message for all my followers. Happy Christmas, everybody!
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Just popped to the reservoir to film a (soon to be released!) hard hitting advertisement for my fabulous new(ish) book, and Ken thought we might as well plug the flask as well. The water level was fine, you’ll be glad to hear!
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My good friend Mark Radcliffe the DJ is a bit poorly, I hear. Wishing you a speedy recovery, Mark, with warmest wishes from John, Ken and Mary and a big kiss from Joan Chitty! X
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Well, I was in the Botanical Gardens the other day when who should I bump into but Ricky Tomlinson and
@RalfLittle
Any more than this I’m not prepared to divulge at this stage!
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Why oh why didn’t he wear a cagoule? I can’t believe it! I’ve got an old one that’s a bit tight on me he could have borrowed. (Cos he’s quite a slim build isn’t he?) But I don’t have a contact address. Oh yes I do.. it’s number 10 whatsit, isn’t it?
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Oof, you know you’ve arrived when Jimmy Tarbuck’s daughter names her radio show after one of your songs! Am I due any petrol money, Lisa??
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Recently I’ve heard people say that Putin needs taking out, but nobody’s saying where to exactly. To me it’s obvious - the garden centre, where he could relax and learn to become a man of Peace. Being so tiny, he could even stand fully erect inside the Hansel and Gretel chalet!
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Very pleasant atmosphere at the recycling centre today - fantastic even! It really was!
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I’ve just paid £1.09 for a packet of Polos.. outrageous! I took a photo to commemorate this awful event but inadvertently held the packet upside down. Do you see what’s been revealed followers? Only the price Polos were when I was a lad! That’s right 10d - or 4 p in new money!
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We did it - a pointless victory! And if proof were needed, here is the trophy!
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Me and Mary had a lovely fish supper this evening, folks. When I told our Karen what we had - a big fish and a little fish in a cardboard box - she started doing a funny dance. Oof, kids eh!
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I’ve only just heard the news and I’m absolutely reeling. Nestle (to rhyme with trestle - as in trestle table, not the fancy continental pronunciation, if you please) are to ditch the Breakaway!
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Deeply saddened to hear of Parky’s passing. Ken Worthington has an interesting theory: that Emu’s sustained attack of Sir Michael in 1976 may have hastened his demise. What think you, followers? Could that possibly be true?
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Oof, a post Sunday dinner engagement... I’d better set an alarm on my smartphone. And so should you, followers. Exciting!
Sunday May 3rd
6pm (UK time)
@johnshuttlewrth
will be our host for a post afternoon nap listening party for his seminal LP, The Yamaha Years.
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Oof, I see what he means!
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Oof look, followers.. I’m Pick of the Week in the Radio Times!
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Feel free to don shorts in this hot weather, followers. But keep a pair of slacks close by so when it cools in the evening you can make the switch. Otherwise you’ll feel a bit vulnerable!
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Devastated to hear that the wonderful Vince Hill - ‘last seen on Pebble Mill’ - has passed away. I met Vince in November 2017 in Coventry and sang him my song ‘Whatever Happened to Vince Hill?’ Now we know. Have a good time in heaven Vince!
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Oof, nasty weather out there, followers! Join Ken Worthington and myself on a calm sunny day as we visit a local reservoir - with a flask and a book..
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And our sympathies go out to the UK entry, SuRie for A. having to deal with a stage invasion B. not being allowed to sing ‘Pigeons In Flight’ I offered it again but I was too late with my entry. Maybe next year...?
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And a trip from Liverpool to Hull inevitably means passing a certain farm on the M62!
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Did I mention I have a Christmas radio show on the snooty station BBC Radio 4 tomorrow at 7 15pm? It features a rare appearance by Alan the Opera Singer and Joan Chitty sings a song about her deceased budgie, Les.
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Today I bought a carton of cotton buds from the pound shop for 59pee - they undercharged me, surely? - so I can clean my cassette recorder tape heads. Ken Worthington suggested I use a soapy rag. “No Ken!” I said. “You must never do that!” And neither must you, followers!
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Ken’s just shown me the poster for my forthcoming tour. Oof, it’s disgusting.. looks like I’ve defaced my own jacket!
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Extremely saddened to hear of the untimely death of comedian Sean Lock. Although he once failed to Make Mary Merry, he was an extremely funny chap and knew a lot of unusual facts. RIP Sean..
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Oof, they’re playing my classic - I Cant Go Back To Savoury Now - on the trendy station,
@BBC6Music
!
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As it’s Halloween Mary’s letting me have a black treacle sandwich - fantastic! Better go - Ken’s at the door in a purple Cher wig. I have a packet of out of date Tiger Tots to give him. Have a super evening, followers!
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This New Year’s Eve we’re staying in waiting for Patrick Kielty to come on the telly. But a few years ago… we saw the New Year in in an inn !
Here’s my Christmas offering for 2023, followers. ‘We Saw the New Year in.. In An Inn!’ Hope you like it and Kevin Baldwin’s super animated sections. Have a cracking Crimbo and New Year - wherever you may see it in!
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As you know, 1 cup of tea is never enough and 2 is 1 too many. Or is it? This morning I downed 3 cups with ease. It was only on my 4th cup I began struggling.. I realise I’ve contradicted myself but it can’t be helped!
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Oo look - that scruffy Graham bloke has bumped into a very smartly attired gentleman who looks strangely familiar! Nice puffa jacket, and oof - he’s even got a man bag! But that Graham has a dowdy anorak and a badly creased carrier bag - how slovenly!
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Oof, all this panic buying of hand cleanser and soap has forced me to wheel out an old song - ‘Bars of soap are disappearing/ soap dispensers are all the rage/ and not because of everyday usage!’ I shall perform it on tour until supermarket stocks have been replenished!
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Look followers - Brotherhood of Man for only 10 pee! A scandalously low price for a classic album, so I was happy to purchase without seeking a further price reduction.
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Walking round the garden centre with Mary earlier, she put a tiny sprig of lavender up to my nose to smell. But I misconstrued, and assuming she was reaching to pull out a stray nasal hair, recoiled violently, catching my head on the Hansel and Gretel chalet roof!
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Oof, some lad’s done a collage like you have to at Junior School. It’s a fine effort and I’m smack dead centre - lovely! Concerned though to spot that Ian Mckellan off Lord of the Rings lying on the grass. That’ll do his arthritis no good!
In a first for me, this one only features positive, inspirational people. A celebration of Britain’s diversity and cultural magnificence
#FuckBoris
#FuckBrexit
#FuckFascism
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Oof, what a horrible day, weatherwise. Fleece wearers - stay inside, or you’ll be drenched to the bone! (Unless you slip a cagoule over your fleece!)
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Oof, yes it was me. I’d been to check Ken’s chalet at Sutton on Sea, and after fish and chips on Skegness Pier I felt a bit bloated so was taking the sea air. I subsequently lost £1.32p in the Mint Arcade, and am still reeling from my recklessness!
I’m sure I’ve just seen
@johnshuttlewrth
having a stroll on Cleethorpes prom. We pipped as we passed but he didn’t see us. If it was him I hope he enjoyed his walk. 👍🏻
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Tidying up the glove compartment of my Y Reg, I stumbled upon the car’s original receipt. Unbelievably, it cost someone £6000 in 1982! I didn’t pay that, obviously - I had a Ford Anglia at the time... until I had a little incident on the Snake Pass!
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Alan the Opera Singer forwarded me this photo, and at first I was angry that an apostrophe had been omitted. But now I have to agree - it’s hilarious!
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Well, you’ve not been down our road then!
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It’s the right year and reasonably priced but.. oof, has the bonnet catch broken?
@johnshuttlewrth
just incase you needed a second vehicle. Available in Doncaster. Needs the Shuttleworth touch however.
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I recently performed at a book launch (no petrol money but instead given a lovely slice of quiche!) The book ‘Smile Please’ is by my good friend and ace photographer
@Tony_Briggs_
I wrote a brand new song for the occasion. ‘Where are the Pics of Jimmy Tarbuck?’
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Save the trees
The trunk, the bark, the leaves
Stop the chainsaw
Don’t you think we oughta
Save the trees !!
Oof, naughty Sheffield City council..
"The city of Sheffield planned to fell almost half the trees lining its streets, it has admitted after losing a...
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I'm on Count Arthur tonight on BBC1 at 8.30pm. Sadly, Mary and I will miss it - it clashes with Doc Martin on ITV3. Crazy scheduling !
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I’m chuffed our new prime minister has discovered the joys of local radio. But apparently she forgot to say ‘Hi to Kwasi, and anyone else who knows me’ at the end which was a grave error!
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“Relatives in Rotherham? We tend not to bother them.” But I’d love to have bumped into Rotherham resident Barry Chuckle. Having said that, his face was a bit frightening so maybe it’s best that I never did. What a funny man though. R.I.P. Barry.
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Following on from my recent disgrace on ‘Pointless Celebrities’, let’s hope I fare better on ‘Ralf and Ricky’s Very Northern Road Trip’. It’s on Gold TV tomorrow (Monday) at 8 PM.
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Naturally I’ll be tuning in to Radio 2’s
@RealKenBruce
show all next week to enjoy PopMaster, and then it’s ‘Tracks Of My Years’ - fantastic! But who’s next week’s guest? Is it Shaky? Is it Axl Rose or bubbly Sonia perhaps? Oof no, it’s that blinking Graham Fellows!
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Sadly, no Christmas Radio Special on the snooty station this year, followers. However, ‘Christmas Eve with the Shuttleworths’ is repeated on Radio 4 Extra at 10.45 pm on… Christmas Day? Oof!
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Extremely sad news about the wonderful Chas Hodges passing away. Check out his version of ‘Shopkeepers in the North’ on my radio show - it might be the only time you’ll hear this great Cockney crooner sing in a northern accent!
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Oof, I'm 'Pick Of The Week' in the Radio Times! You should really buy your own copy, but if you like you can have a peep at mine:
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Worryingly low level at the Ladybower reservoir today - and NO ice cream van!!
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Oof, Mary’s chucked away our lettuce spinner! We still have the cog system salad spinner designed for interior use, but how I’ll miss swinging my arm with a windmill action on the patio - occasionally catching Ken’s afro with the spray!
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Oof, that’s a smashing hairdo, Graham. I wouldn’t wear it that long myself, mind..
The continued lockdown in Leicester is allowing my hair to assume the style of an 80’s pop star. I’m aiming for Limahl but currently it’s closer to Bobby from Bucks Fizz. Or do I mean the other one?
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Oof, he’s got a funny nose - that Graham fellow, I mean!
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Has Martin off ‘Homes Under the Hammer’ been dieting? He used to be able to fasten only one button of his stylish overcoat. Look at him now - they’re ALL done up! Oof, so why does he look so worried ?
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Oof, he looks quite fierce, doesn’t he - that Jilted lad!
Just practicing for my little turn at RFEST. We’re on at 2.30pm. Here we go 2-3-4-4!
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While I thoroughly enjoyed yesterday’s proceedings, I can’t believe how long the King and his family had to wait for their funeral tea. Oof, they must have been ravenous!
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Big thanks too to
@tim_Burgess
for having me, and thank you everybody out there in Twitterland for joining in and for all your questions and comments. I hope you’ve had a fab time listening to ‘The Yamaha Years’
#TimsTwitterListeningParty
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Devastated to hear that the wonderful (despite getting ‘nul points’ in Eurovision) Norwegian singer Jahn Teigen has died. Below - Jahn with me explaining he mustn’t sing too high on ‘Pigeons In Flight’. But the wild man of rock ignored my prudent advice. RIP Jahn..
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First Doddy, then Stephen Hawking, and now the man who will leave the biggest black hole in our lives.. Jim Bowen. RIP (Really Impressive Presents) on his show.. don’t you think, followers?
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Welcome to Eurovision 2024! Unfortunately I failed yet again to persuade the UK to sing Pigeons In Flight, but no matter - this opening number by that old fella recalled Jan Teigan at his peak.
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I thought you might like to see a brief extract from my action-packed ferry trip from Belfast to Birkenhead. Enjoy!
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Off, those Spanish lasses are sporting thongs! Mary’s tutting and suggesting we watch a Taggart. I might not be watching much longer, followers!
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Oof, I’ve been shortlisted for a radio award. All those years of cleaning the tape heads and applying Dolby, prior to pressing ‘record’ - or ‘play & record’ sometimes, in’t it - has paid off! VOTE FOR ME PLEASE!
Best Radio Sitcom nominees...
Conversations From A Long Marriage
Fags, Mags And Bags
Michael Spicer: Before Next Door
Thanks A Lot, Milton Jones!
The Shuttleworths
Whatever Happened To Baby Jane Austen?
Vote:
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It’s been gratifying to hear Shaky’s ‘Merry Christmas Everybody’ being played more in supermarkets this year. The drums have a slightly military feel which makes you chuckle, but Wham’s ‘Last Christmas’ makes me angry as the drums are too noisy. Happy Yuletide, followers!
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I wouldn’t have parked my Y Reg in such a shoddy manner. Look closely - the back tyre is over the dotted line!
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Yippee - I’ve now got 50,000 followers! Please don’t unfollow me, followers, just to see it slip below 50k - that would be mean!
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Yesterday Ken and myself went to visit the lemurs at a local tropical butterfly park. Ken filmed the event using the video camera function on his smartphone. It was downloaded and then with Ken’s full consent uploaded onto a special platform for all to enjoy - I do hope you do!
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The UK have come a very respectable 2nd but Ukraine are the worthy winners of Eurovision 2022. The singer might not know the result though as he’s wearing his pink bucket hat so low he’s surely missed everything! I’m off to bed. Sleep well, followers!
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My bedside table all ready for a trouble free night: note the easily accessible Rennie - no risk of ‘perforating foil’ noise waking Mary.. oof!
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You may think this is a pointless tweet - it is ! I’m on the show ‘Pointless Celebrities’ today at 6pm BBC1 !!!
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Joan Chitty bought Mary a cafeteriary for Xmas. At first we were wary, expecting the plunger to wobble when depressed, but it functions perfectly! Might hang onto the Mellow Birds though - just in case!
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And speaking of similarities - try the ‘Did John Shuttleworth or Adrian Chiles say that?’ quiz. It’s not easy, followers. I only scored 7/10!
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Big thanks to the kind fan (at the New Viv Theatre, Newcastle Under Lyme) who gave me a pack of Staffordshire oatcakes to eat with my banana in my B&B. Especially welcome as there’s no complimentary sachet of hot chocolate!
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There’s less than an hour to go, folks! Your wireless should now be on standby mode, so the valves can warm up, or if you’ve one them dib dab sets you just switch it on, I believe. But don’t forget - The Shuttleworths on Radio 4 at 7.15 - or listen later on catchup!
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The recent rain has penetrated my Austin Ambassador’s glove compartment and entered a poorly wrapped Werthers Original, mildly discolouring it. Still edible though, and it won’t affect my plans to brave the A1111 a week today!
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Although it was very pleasant to bump into Tom on my day off, I’d have preferred it to have been Bradley Walsh..
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While cleaning for Ken last week, Joan Chitty chanced upon this collection of exotic ladies’ drinks, some dating back to the 1970s. It seems Ken bought them for lady visitors, but as there haven’t been any - they never got drunk. Joan took a couple home, apparently, oof!
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7 margarines on the go?? This woman needs help..
@johnshuttlewrth
Totally off the subject John, but I opened the fridge at a place that shall remain nameless and found....THIS! I’m still in shock and I hope it doesn’t send you into meltdown 😱😱😱
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Happy New Year, followers! I trust your year has got off to a good start. I know mine has - I've been re-grouting our bathroom, lovely!
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Last night I finally finished my 2020 tour - without incident! Thanks to everyone who came to Castleton (twice) It’s time to let the cape go..
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Did I ever tell you I was once on Coronation Street? I’d have become a regular but the daily drive over the treacherous Snake Pass would have been irksome.
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Oof, after checking the lock of Ken’s chalet at Sutton On Sea, I strayed onto a campsite and was appalled to spy a dent on this caravan. Note also a water carrier and washing up balanced perilously - and a bottle of Fairy tossed onto the dirty grass. Mary would have a fit!
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Oof, I’m always bashing my shins on the open dishwasher door when I’m loading or unloading it. It’s impossible to avoid doing this and I suppose this is why world leaders don’t ever discuss the problem - because it’s insurmountable!
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At last - somebody has seen sense! Come on, Mary - we’re off to Morrison’s!
@johnshuttlewrth
John! I write with the utmost urgency. Morrison’s own brand version of Bounty bars has answered all our prayers! Life is complete!
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Ken Worthington took this fine snap during a recent visit to the Brough Rest Area. To anyone who claims Ken shouldn’t have embarked on such an unnecessary trip during lockdown I say - study the photo. It reveals there are not just 2 wheelie bins there but 3! It was a vital trip!
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Remember to tune in this evening at 11 pm to listen to my brand new show ‘Rusty’s Party’ on BBC Radio 4. Unfortunately I’ll be asleep by then, so I’ll miss it..
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Oof, I wouldn’t count on it, Carol. He might have pushed you too hard and your dreams ended up as a Chinese takeaway in his hand!
@johnshuttlewrth
Oh John , if only Ken had been managing me I'm confident my career would've remained stellar
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The hospitality tray in my Falmouth B&B. Note the complimentary KitKat - but NO hot chocolate sachet!!?? (banana supplied by yours truly)
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I've heard a rumour that I'm guesting on Count Arthur Strong's TV show. He's that bloke dressed up pretending to be someone else, in't he?
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Why’s Sir Paul doing such a long encore? - I need to go to bed. Stunning performance, although during the singalong bits in Hey Jude - after ‘men only’ and ‘girls only’ - he should have said ‘Dads and eldest child!’
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