lowkey if i had a bigger ass i wouldn’t care about my weight rn. the PROBLEM is that i’m built like an inflatable door like

but in the us im not white so im technically “competing” not competing but like being compared to like western beauty standards so im mid asf here. ugh and males judge you more openly in the us i hate it here

living in asia actually gave me more body positivity than in the us because they cared more about that face card than body. like as long as you’re not fat then your body is generally attractive. so i felt comfortable and was getting compliments despite gaining weight

guess who doubled their low weight in 1.5 years 🤣🤣🤣🤣😂😂😊😊

i rmb when i would cry when i ate 800 cals and im tryna lose weight eating 1000 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️ fml

even though he’s never pointed out my body, squeezed my body, commented on my diet, and only ever been supportive and compliment me. i’m actually insane!!!

relapsed after a full genuine year of complete recovery!!!!!! i got a boyfriend and he’s genuinely they most kind and perfect thing but that only triggered me because i want to be like perfect and the body neutrality i felt just lowkey went away (；ω；)

i don’t recognize myself rn lol. currently in my ednos era where i’m restricting but not and also gaining but whatever and purging randomly. so now i’m back in twitter cuz this is the only shit that motivates me even tho it ruins my mental health

bro i bought a new cushion foundation and the shade is “2-BP” and i immediately thought of 2 binge purge sessions 😭

semi binged and then fell asleep so i digested uhhhh

i just don’t wanna be disappointed again. just for like a week

it’s not that i don’t understand food noise, addiction, and struggling with body image, it’s that i actually can’t understand what it’s like for someone to not have a burning desire to be as small as possible since they were conscious. like i am currently addicted to food ☠️

not tryna be dramatic but genuinely i have so many extreme diagnosed mental health issues and traumas that only other extremely broke ppl can understand me and that makes me more upset

i feel like i’m conditioned to be attracted to them but it’s gut wrenching guilt i cant put into words. hate myself so much and i’m diagnosed with pure obsessive ocd so i never stop thinking abt it the more i’m around them and i never sleep right anymore. what a great life.

tw vent: i was SAd by my grandpa when i was young, my dad left me, and i never grew up around another man so now i’m stuck in a limbo of being scared of men and desperately craving them. i feel like i’ve betrayed myself everytime i get close to an older man even if it’s innocent

i think i ate like 1500 calories today

goated schedule

i honestly need to MOVE so i can go to the gym and do workouts where no one knows me

i am genuinely not strong enough to be a vegetarian

i wonder if males even think the super skinny models i love are pretty. a lot of models i think are 10/10, they don’t seem to care about. like shalom harlow wasn’t much skinnier than adrianna lima but why do all guys go crazy for one but not the other. they confuse me