Jen Fulwiler
@jenfulwiler
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39,752
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My new comedy special, Maternal Instinct, is out 5/12! Pre-order now. Next stops:📍ATX 5/1 📍Charlotte 6/6 📍Greenville 6/7-6/9
Austin, TX
Joined October 2008
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My husband (in TX) texting me (in NYC):
“Please go down to the hotel bar and describe the sadness of the Yankees fans to me”
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My dad died unexpectedly. I’m an only child and he was a part of our lives every day. Took our kids to all of their activities. This is a hard loss, so please pray for us.
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My husband is available if anyone would like gift wrapping lessons
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Today is my dad’s funeral. I’m an only child and he was an only child and my parents are divorced, so it’s a big goodbye. Pls say a prayer for me today
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I was a lifelong atheist. My husband was a non-practicing Baptist. On this day in 2007, we both converted to Catholicism. Happy 15th Cath-o-versary to us
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I was a lifelong atheist before I became Catholic. There is nothing like walking into a church on Christmas, hearing the songs I knew all my life but thought were about fairy tales, and realizing it’s all true. It wrecks me every time.
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16 years ago today my husband and I both converted to Catholicism. Every good thing that’s come into my life since then has ultimately flowed from that one decision. No pressure but you guys should all become Catholic
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I was raised atheist, so happy
#AtheistDay
! 🎉 I suggest you all celebrate by converting to Catholicism.
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Be careful seeking an answer to that question. That’s how I became Catholic
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Every time I walk into our parish church to sit for a moment I think “I can’t believe this is free”
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Sometimes you can see God moving, even when everything is falling apart
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Here is our family’s current schedule. I am available for life coaching services.
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Do we get to change what we gave up for Lent now that we’re on quarantine?
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My existence is due to an IUD failure so the only proper way to celebrate my birthday is to throw out your contraception
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That’s what I love about Catholicism. No bet hedging. Either we’re right or we’re utterly insane.
Roman Catholics are required to believe that communion wine actually is literally the blood of Christ, and the wafer literally is his body. Not symbolically but literally. Not a metaphor but literally. That way madness lies. At very least it’s a pernicious abuse of language.
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It’s my birthday and my existence is due to a contraception failure, so this is your annual reminder to procreate recklessly
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Instead of Model UN, my son joined Model Holy Roman Empire. I’ve never been so proud.
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My day was kinda boring and then someone asked the Latin Mass Catholic facebook group if it might be ok to own a dream catcher
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Happy feast of Our Lady of Guadalupe to the driver of this vehicle and no one else
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Chris Rock will spend the rest of his life thinking of witty comebacks he wishes he’d said
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Catholic habits die hard
Homeboy blessed himself with holy sanitizer before entering St. Walmart's Cathedral...
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It’s my birthday and my existence is due to a contraception failure, so this is your annual reminder to breed recklessly
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Today would have been my dad’s birthday. He was a Green Beret veteran whose favorite thing was taking my kids to their activities. Please say a prayer for the repose of his soul
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If I were a flight attendant I’d make up boarding classes. “Now boarding platinum plus, star alliance, gold medallion, regal viceroy, emperor’s choice, diamond scepter, bronze earl, cloud baron, and sky wizard members.”
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My conversion in one tweet:
✅ Sensed that love has a source external to neurons
✅ Couldn’t prove it scientifically but realized not all knowledge is meant to be verified that way
✅ Searched for the source of that love
✅ Found it
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Ok we’re going to do it. We’re going to take all six kids to midnight Mass.
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This is your annual reminder not to store Advent candles in an attic in Texas
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You can’t even wrap your mind around news like this. Devastating. Requiescant in pace
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Fellow Catholic converts, check in
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My husband is projecting a football game for his buddies, and I just found out his text alerts pop up on the big screen
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“When our liberation costs innocent lives it is merely oppression redistributed.”
#WhyWeMarch
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The most powerful moment from my dad’s funeral a few weeks ago. Happy Veterans Day to all who served
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"When our liberation costs innocent lives, it is merely oppression redistributed."
Preach, New Wave Feminists 🔥
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The best part of being on
@HodaAndJenna
was their faces when I said I had six babies in eight years
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I’m an only child, the daughter of an only child, and I’m married to another only child. Pictures like this are generational life goals
This is how family is suppose to be. Point, blank, period. Forget all that BS. Life is short
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Having more kids doesn’t subtract love from your existing kids. It adds.
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Today’s feast of Our Lady of Guadalupe is brought to you by this truck
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If you are waking up Friday morning and have just opened twitter to see what’s new...just close the app and go back to sleep for a while
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At a pizza place with all six kids and they handed us one napkin per person. This must be the first time they’ve had children eat here.
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Please say a prayer for the soul of my mother-in-law. She was a tough Texas woman who raised my husband as a single mother and crushed scorpions with her bare hands. She was the best MIL anyone could have and will be dearly missed.
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Texas Catholic problems: In line for confession but I probably won’t get in because I counted 30 people in line in front of me. And this is with confessions 5 days/wk.
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The best part of this is the people who think this is actually ACB
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On a plane, reminded of my best airline interaction ever:
Me, exaggerating because I’m melodramatic: “I’m going to chug vodka and pop Xanax until we’re through this turbulence!”
Man next to me: “Are you...Jen Fulwiler?!”
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*whispers* "Priests stand in persona Christi and Christ was a guy"
When my daughter whispered to me, “I wish girls could be priests,” I didn’t know what to say.
#InternationalWomensDay
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I’m not saying our football games are better than yours, but…we have nuns
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Hey Catholic Twitter how are we gonna ruin Valentine’s Day this year? Should we detail the martyrdom of St. Valentine or just decry the consumerism inherent to secular culture?
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Flashback to the time my husband was invited to an Ivy-only party and they wouldn’t list my school on my nametag. So I wrote it like this
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What happens when you leave your phone unattended near
@frmikeschmitz
😂
(There are like 20 more of these. And video.)
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Me in 2000: Easter is a meaningless holiday
Me in 2019:
He has RISEN! thank you God,one love,one life,eternal life,immortality,thank you God. HH4Life
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Celebrating her first confession with a milkshake! It’s 59° outside which is why I have the winter gear on.
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YES to having a woman who’s visibly pregnant again nine months after having her last baby slay it at the Super Bowl
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.
@BeardedBlevins
challenged me to a dance-off to the hymn “On Eagle’s Wings.” This masterpiece is the result.
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There are no nondenominational exorcists. Just sayin'.
"Everyone hates the Catholic Church until they think their house is haunted." ~
@jenfulwiler
😂
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We should probably try to take all six kids to midnight Mass, right?
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Trying to imagine the design team for this hotel seeing this carpet sample and saying, Yes, this is it
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We made it to midnight Mass! This pic was taken at 1:18 AM. Merry Christmas from the very tired Fulwiler family.
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Today is our 15th anniversary! Our ceremony was today, but we got legally married on a different day, then religiously married years later.
Here’s to many more years of overcomplicating everything! 🥂
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The server just nervously asked if any other adults will be joining us
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Eating alone in NYC tonight. Before you feel bad for me, remember that I’m an introvert who lives in a small house with 7 other people.
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I have also been suspended from posting on Instagram. Please pray for my followers that they might survive this ordeal
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Never forget: do not store your Advent candles in the attic if you live in a hot climate
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Walking into Mass late, looking for a pew with room for my huge family
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Some families leave inspirational notes for one another around the house.
We are not that family.
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Me when my kid asks me where babies come from
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At grocery store, exhausted from travel, no makeup, and I just got carded. South Dakotans have been doing some hard living if this is what a 20-year-old looks like around here
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If it was my turn to bring snacks to Vacation Bible School then the children learned about fasting today
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When you’re trying to look cool on Instagram but your husband follows you
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I have been out of the house for three hours and I just now noticed this
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Excited to release my follow-up interview with Meghan and Harry:
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Last Mass before I start my standup comedy tour. Here we go!
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This is going around atheist twitter so now my mentions are all “YOUR GOD IS A FAIRY TALE”
Merry Christmas anyway, guys 😘
I was a lifelong atheist before I became Catholic. There is nothing like walking into a church on Christmas, hearing the songs I knew all my life but thought were about fairy tales, and realizing it’s all true. It wrecks me every time.
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Joe wants to start a business that installs water misters on patios. So that he can call it Mr. Mister.
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You guys sure you don't want to try Natural Family Planning?
World’s first birth control for men via injection to the groin could be available in six months
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Happy Easter from these fools who are crazy enough to be at 6 AM Mass. We are tired! He is Risen!
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When you bit your sibling, got sent to the naughty corner, and regret nothing
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When they got to the green shirt I realized this is witchcraft
cancelling all my plans for the day so I can get stoned and watch this on repeat
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My card from my 12-year-old daughter. I hope all women take a moment today to think about the truth in this quote.
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Behold, a worse idea than the celebrity ‘Imagine’ video
Pete Davidson to lead all-star version of 'It's a Wonderful Life'
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Going to do this with my iphone instead of buying airpods
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I constantly got in trouble for talking. Constantly. Once had detention for a week straight, and at the end a teacher said, "You'll never amount to anything if you can't stop talking!"
I now have a daily radio show.
What's a childhood anecdote that says a lot about you?
Mine is that when I was 8 my friends and I went door to door selling homemade keychains so we could buy Bibles for our bullies.
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Cleary this event knew I would speak here one day and created this tapestry in my honor
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I didn’t expect to start my morning by RTing Diddy on a theological point
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When I was on
@RaymondArroyo
's show earlier this summer I was having a terrible day when I arrived. Raymond said, "Why don't you go see the big man down the hall?" so I went to the makeup artist. Later discovered he meant the in-studio chapel.
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My radio show went daily 3 years ago today! So many people said I’d fail at having having a live 2-hour solo show.
To them I say: I fail every day. And my listeners and I are still having a blast.
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