This September I mark 25 years as restaurant critic for the Observer, with my first cookbook. In Nights Out At Home I reverse engineer or come up with recipes inspired by my favourite restaurant dishes. And there’s a live tour. Links for both here:
The week in Tory MPs so far: one convicted of molesting a minor, another having to apologise for defending said paedophile, PM and chancellor convicted of breaking the COVID laws they wrote. And it’s only Fucking Tuesday.
To drop the snark for a moment, what’s extraordinary is that the UK govt would willingly undermine the vital public health messaging in the midsts of a pandemic which has killed 55,000 people and rising - just to save one wretched man’s job.
I know I was never a big fan of Brexit. But it's done. And I do seem to recall a promise of £350 million a week for the NHS. Here's a picture of that promise. That's £18.2 billion a year that
@michaelgove
and
@BorisJohnson
promised. So that's the nurse's pay issue solved. Right?
I am today announcing my candidacy for leader of the Conservative Party. I will abolish all taxes while giving the UK the top tier public services it deserves. Plus tequila slammers for everyone on Fridays. And a fondue kit. One of those. And maybe a fondant fancy each.
#victory
Let me add my voice to the justifiably outraged clamour of those furious at the govt for insisting hospitality and entertainment industries shut down without legally mandating them to do so, meaning they can’t claim insurance. Staggeringly reckless.
For decades I have, as a Jew, wondered how totalitarian, bigoted regimes rise to power. How does a population of ordinary, decent people allow it? Then I watch someone like
@piersmorgan
once a great liberal campaigning journalist, suck up to Trump and I think ‘oh. That’s how.’
I don't generally reach for the darkest interpretation of events, but the
@metpoliceuk
's behaviour is pushing me that way. First a refusal to investigate offences others have been prosecuted for? Then both stalling and apparently neutering a report into those events? Bloody hell.
@WestminsterWAG
@toadmeister
The two of you have both made a terrible mistake here. You've have confused me knowing you, with holding either of you in any regard whatsoever. And Toby, if I'd done something so terrible that you coming to my aid might help, I'd deserve to be left for dead.
This week’s column. I was never going to splash the
@ObserverUK
’s money on one of Salt Bae’s crass £800+ gold leafed steaks. Instead I got an £8.50 take away kebab, a really good one from Kebab Kid, and ate that outside while musing on the stupidity inside
For years now
@michaelgove
has promised no dilution of food and animal welfare standards as a result of Brexit. Last night he voted against an amendment that would have guaranteed that. I'm not surprised. Just think it's worth acknowledging that he is, straight up, a liar.
Gove: "As we leave the EU we will deliver a Green Brexit, not only maintaining but enhancing animal welfare standards." Last night he voted against this clause.
Obv a vital message but I’m concerned about the black sleeved hand on the calf of the woman on the right. It can’t be hers because she has her left hand in the bowl. The other woman’s left hand couldn’t reach that far. THERE IS A 3rd WOMAN UNDER THE DOG.
You will note I am not posting one of those bloody wordle mosaics. This is because I like and respect you all too much. But I need you to know I am smashing it. Every. Single. Day.
If you really wanted to make a linkage between Brexit and the horrendous invasion of Ukraine, it’s that the notion of a fragmented EU suited Russian ambitions, which is why so much Russian influence (and filthy money) was invested in both the Brexit campaign and the Tory party.
THREAD: Energy Bill Support Grant. I have just been notified that I will get £67 a month off my energy bills under the govt scheme. For enormous numbers of people this support will be absolutely vital. But it won't be vital for everyone, and that includes me. (PLS RT) 1/
Many congratulations to new PM
@trussliz
. At this time of challenge & global uncertainty, I wish the new government well. I never forget the support I had from all former Conservative leaders when I won the ballot in 2005 & I hope all Conservatives will unite behind the new PM.
Anyone who's been through a crisis, perhaps the sudden illness of a family member, will know there is a process of normalisation, because you can't live in an acute state of crisis forever. You get used to it. Please god, let's not normalise what they've done to this country.
In Boris Johnson we had the most dishonest Prime Minister ever. In Liz Truss we had the most incompetent Prime Minister. And in Rishi Sunak we now have the weakest. The Tories have been playing crap prime minister bingo for years and can now shout full house.
Hello
@michaelgove
. A few years ago you told me to get in touch if I wanted to enter public service, like you. I'm interested, but worried about having to compromise every moral value I hold dear if I end up working with liars, law breakers and cheats. Perhaps you can advise me.
I’ve known the rt hon
@toadmeister
since he was 19. I’ve also worked with him. The only constant has been his lack of self-awareness. Today, the son of Lord Young called out a determined eco-campaigner for being privileged. He has only become more himself with age.
#twattery
It's remarkable that I can say the current party of government includes a child molester, multiple law breakers, apologists for law breaking and wretched cowards, and not worry about the laws of libel, because I'm simply being accurate.
I feel bitching from the sidelines isn’t constructive so here’s my Norway Plus option: customs union, single market, free movement, pay in to budget, abide by regs BUT crucially, also have say over those regs. But instead of calling it Norway Plus we call it membership of the EU.
I've said it before but will again: if I find myself walking behind a single woman on a quiet street I always cross the road to the other side and ideally accelerate away as quickly as possible. I am a big man and absolutely aware what my silhouette looks like in the darkness.
I live less than five minutes from where Sarah Everard went missing. Everyone is on high alert. Aside from giving as much space as possible on quieter streets and keeping face visible, is there anything else men can reasonably do to reduce the anxiety/spook factor?
Keep getting tweets saying 'stick to food, you shouldn't do politics'. a) Everybody has a right to talk about politics b) As a journo I've done a huge number of non-food political stories c) if you don't like it don't follow me, d) FWIW - I've got an effing degree in politics.
You form a war cabinet when there’s a clear existential threat from without; not when you’ve been indulging in a bout of masturbation so vigorous you’ve got chronic abrasions. It isn’t a war cabinet. It’s a clown car full of beta males urging each other on towards the cliff edge
Boris Johnson has set up a six strong Brexit war cabinet that meets on Monday to plan for no deal. Members: Gove, Javid, Raab, Cox, Barclay. See Sunday Times
FOR THE RECORD (have already said this in the column but...) for the forseeable I will not be publishing negative restaurant reviews. If I can't be broadly positive I simply won't be writing anything. Don't think it's a radical decision in the circs but needs to be said.
While Downing St announces their deal as a victory let’s be clear about what’s happened. A trade deal has been negotiated to make trade less smooth and less simple. The economy will take a hit. In return we no longer have free movement to 27 other countries. BUT blue passports.
Is this still all you have
@GordonRamsay
? Shouting at people? Swearing at people? Humiliating people? Making people cry? Then punching the air when the cameras turns off?
Over on Instagram
@ChefTomKerridge
has posted this about the 27 people who booked for
@kerridgesbandg
on Saturday night and didn’t turn up. It’s a completely justifiable howl of rage. If you book a restaurant, either go or cancel in good time. Don’t be a dick and just not show.
THREAD. Let me tell you a story. Though my ma, Claire, died in 2010 and my dad in 2015 my sister and I weren't able to get their ashes together until earlier this year (for reasons I won't bore you with). We'd long planned to scatter them in appropriate places. In april we did 1/
You've had 13 years to sort all this. Indeed, in 2016 you specifically voted against a bill that would have required landlords to make rented homes fit for human habitation. Why were dangerous homes of the sort that contributed to the death of Awaab Ishak fine by you then?
What is it about fixing unsafe buildings, giving tenants in social housing more rights, ending no fault evictions, empowering metro mayors, tackling rogue landlords, extending childcare and new schools for children with special educational needs which is “desperate”?
A tiny story. I've met Johnson twice, the 1st time in 1999. Bunch of hacks grabbed lunch at Tory party conference in Bournemouth. The 2nd time was a decade later on the One Show Sofa. He recalled exactly where and when we met. Whatever he claims he has a seriously good memory.
So vote leave, headed up by
@michaelgove
and
@GiselaStuart
along with
@BorisJohnson
has admitted it broke electoral law multiple times. It’s not an allegation. They admit it. This should be huge news. Pls RT.
I'm not going to RT what Toby Young has said, because it just draws attention. But I will say I'm pleased I disowned him when I did because, really, it saved an awful lot of time.
The more I read about Dominic Cummings, about his interpersonal skills and his methods and his outlook, the more I conclude that he's not actually that radical or forward-thinking or intriguingly disruptive. He's just something rather old-fashioned: a bully.
And so an interesting week comes to an end in the most predictable of ways. I have been blocked by
@toadmeister
. I mean, really! I've put up with the man for 35 years, and THIS is how he rewards me.
It’s already been said by many but it needs to keep being said. This is on the Home Secretary. And by keeping her in post the Prime Minister is endorsing her message that challenging the police is fine. Which results in scenes like this.
Many tweets today re Raab claiming he discussed no deal during the referendum when he didn’t. The awful thing is it doesn’t matter. Shame has died. There are no standards anymore.Patel and Williamson were sacked. Cummings was held in contempt. Johnson’s a liar. None of them care.
Everything you read about D. Cummings, suggests he considers himself a technocrat not an ideologue. He just wants to do things better. Well this just in: he's had the gig for a year this month and based on our dismal record throughout this crisis, he's shockingly bad at it.
So
@michaelgove
previously said he couldn’t comment on the illegality at Vote Leave while the appeal was ongoing. He must be relieved the appeal is over so he can now explain. I’m sure we’ll hear from shortly.
I am today announcing my candidacy for leader of the Conservative Party. I will abolish all taxes while giving the UK the top tier public services it deserves. Plus tequila slammers for everyone on Fridays. And a fondue kit. One of those. And maybe a fondant fancy each.
#victory
It’s okay Nadhim. It’s not like you wrote a big piece for tomorrows telegraph explaining why you’re backing Johnson. Oh, you did? Ah, well. Could have happened to any slippery, morally bankrupt, shameless politician.
A day is a long time in politics...
Given today's news, it's clear that we should turn to
@RishiSunak
to become our next Prime Minister. Rishi is immensely talented, will command a strong majority in the parliamentary Conservative Party, and will have my full support & loyalty.
I have been called thin skinned and pompous by Toby Young. It’s a bit like being called too religious by the Pope. And there I shall leave it. These restaurants won’t review themselves.
The inability to hold a press conference at the time Downing Street said they would hold it is both unimportant and everything. This lot are crap at the most basic bits of being the Government.
I wish we were a decade from now, watching one of those BBC2 retrospective docs about the 2022 Government, full of former Tory MPs and ministers giving their first hand accounts of what it was to be a part of this degraded shoddy administration. Instead we're living through it.
So dear
@michaelgove
has been put in charge of sorting the food supply chain. Perhaps I can help. Four years ago I wrote him a paper on the systemic problems with our food supply and the issues raised by Brexit. Perhaps he’d like to revisit it.
Am I the only one who reads something like 'loathes politically correct claptrap' in a twitter profile (or some such) who thinks: oh, so they're a nasty virulent, racist then.
...the churn has gone into some enormous prop store and that my dear late parents will keep popping up in ropey amateur productions of The Sound of Music or Oklahoma. It's what they would have wanted. I think. Here endeth the thread 11/
This is very sad news. Dave was a brilliant cook, a superb communicator and most of all a seriously lovely man. My thoughts are with his family and of course Si.
Apart from the all round tone deafness, There’s a detail here. Not a dive expert, but. Johnson says he went down 33 metres on his first ever dive. That qualifies as a deep dive which I understand takes a while to work up to. Could he… could he possibly… be lying?
‘Will this do?” the late Auberon Waugh would ask as he filed his columns. I imagine the response of Mail editors to Johnson’s first two efforts is - ‘only just’
@allisonpearson
When did you become this person, Allison? Because you seemed relatively sane when you were a subeditor back in the day. Now you appear willing to say anything to defend a crass, racist, chaotic, shambling, lying, carnival huckster. Does the notion of PM Johnson really thrill you?
#FreeSchoolMeals
On the left £30 of food. On the right what private company Chartwells have supplied having been awarded a government contract to supply for £30 free school meals.
Utterly shameful profiteering off some of the country's most disadvantaged kids!
SHORT THREAD: it is no surprise and yet still infuriating that the GB govt is clearly now entertaining allowing chlorine washed chicken on to our shelves. To be clear, the issue here is not the chlorine. The problem is why it's used. 1/
A few years ago
@michaelgove
berated me on twitter for not having committed myself to public service as he had. Looking at his latest announcements - 7000 long truck queues at Dover, permits required for Kent - I do wonder just how well served by him the public have been.
Let's get this straight. The whole Brexit shitshow isn't the fault of the people who campaigned for it, voted for it, negotiated it and signed it. It's the fault of people like me who thought it was a terrible idea and didn't vote for it. Oh. Okay
As someone who consistently argued Remainers should cut their losses and back May's deal, because if they didn't they'd get something worse, I'm not taking any lectures from members of the FBPE crowd shouting "This is on you!!! Own it!!!". You were warned. Own it yourself.
Just done some sums. £4,200,000,000 would pay for 146,000 band 5 nurses for a year. Or, it would pay for 138,000 police officers for a year. Or we could have 146,000 newly qualified teachers. Oh, the things we could spend £4.2 billion on. Instead we're spending it on brexit.
Today we are allocating £2 billion of funding to help departments prepare for
#Brexit
. The Treasury has provided more than £4.2 billion for Brexit preparations since 2016.
Jack has been in receipt of 100s of photos of piss poor food packages. It’s not just an isolated incident. In this interview Jack nails it. Do watch if you can.
"I've made a living out of making meals from thin air and hope - but you can't, you literally can't"
@BootstrapCook
has expressed their outrage at the food parcels which have been sent to families as part of the free school meals scheme.
#FreeSchoolMeals
|
#5NewsTonight
So
@HenryDimbleby
on
@BBCr4today
acknowledeged that supermarket policies are part cause of veg shortages. Also says there's lower investment in horticulture in the UK. But no mention of Brexit. Why? Because Dimbleby voted for it. Spent referendum night with Gove celebrating. 1/
Can I express my sympathies to the entire hospitality business ahead of tonight's service, traditionally the most hated of the year. All two tops. Mostly low spend. And by 9pm, there will be distraught lovesick people weeping in the bogs. Happy Valentine's Day one and all.
A mark of the times. In any other situation a minister like
@michaelgove
who chaired an organisation that broke electoral law, would have been required to resign within minutes. But he hasn’t even commented, let alone apologised for his involvement.
I'm proud to announce that I have been appointed Deputy Chairman of the Conservative party. I'll be pulling the slot between 9.15pm and 9.45pm at which point I'll hand over to
@susie_dent
, and after her it's
@TimmyMallett
. It's an honour to serve.
Carefully watching my email for the call up to be Boris Johnson's new chief of staff. I understand it's now like Jury Service. We'll all get a crack at it eventually.
I’ve been watching the response to
@DavidLammy
’s comments on
#marr
today. And you know what: I’m right there with him. In the past three years I have received more anti-Semitic abuse - emails, tweets, sometimes directly to me- than ever before. The question is... 1/
#PeoplesVoteMarch
just remember, you are marching to overturn a democratic vote. You can tell yourselves that you are in the side of the angels, and maybe you are. But that’s the truth.
Coverage this morn of the appalling Sarah Everard case misses the point, with emphasis on how rare abduction and murder is. The outcry it’s initiated is about women being in fear of harassment and assault while out after dark. And that, dismally, is not rare. The fear is endemic.
Over the past year I’ve fed my family on recipes by Gary Rhodes,
@michelrouxjr
and
@NigelSlater
. I’ve made Sichuan feasts, braised oxtail for 8 hours and baked custard tarts. Tonight I gave ‘em sausages, peas and jacket potatoes. And my wife said: ‘Ooh, real food.’
#WhyDoIBother
?
Well, he could start with his narcissistic personality disorder, move on through his fundamental dishonesty, have a crack at sorting the whole ingrained laziness thing, try to sort his tendency to blame everyone else for cocks up, have a look at his inherent racism...
Etc...
For the record, the GPs, nurses and support staff at The Herne Hill Group Practice have done, and continue to do a superb job through the pandemic. They have always been available. Feeling the need to big up the brilliant work of an arm of the NHS feels bizarre, but here we are.
It’s a year since this tweet. On the upside
@piersmorgan
blocked me because of it. On the downside, we’re still completely screwed. Happy Saturday, everyone.
For decades I have, as a Jew, wondered how totalitarian, bigoted regimes rise to power. How does a population of ordinary, decent people allow it? Then I watch someone like
@piersmorgan
once a great liberal campaigning journalist, suck up to Trump and I think ‘oh. That’s how.’
Go to the twitter account of
@MarcusRashford
. People and companies across the country are stepping in to offer half term meals, because this wretched government is failing in it's duty of care to its most vulnerable. The compassion is beautiful. The failure demanding it is ugly.
Do we now have a law banning the undermining of celebrations? Is their now a custodial sentence for making a scene? I wasn't planning to go and shout abuse at the procession, but threatened over-reach like this really does bring the expletives to the tip of my tongue.
Our tolerance for any disruption, whether through protest or otherwise, will be low.
We will deal robustly with anyone intent on undermining this celebration.
🧵🔽
There was always going to be something that destroyed my vow of positivity. That something is the Polo Lounge at the Dorchester: dismal food at astonishing prices. Cheapest wine: £84 for something that retails around £14. Enjoy. I didn’t.
A chap just emailed me. He has a terminal diagnosis. He wants to use whatever time he has left eating well and asked for a list of 10 places. Not gastro palaces. Just good. As people like lists, here’s it is. You can google my reviews of these if interested.
Just imagine if we all had that opportunity. I dunno, perhaps by being part of some customs union, which allowed frictionless trade across the entirety of Europe. A union with Europe. No idea what we'd call it though.
Another jaw-dropper, this time from Brexiter Rishi Sunak. He tells
@BBCr4today
that under his deal: “Northern Ireland has this very special position, where it has access to the UK market, it has access to the EU market - which makes it an incredibly attractive place to invest.”
A modest proposal: when Johnson goes, his downfall should not be allowed to be written off as merely part of the misfortune of having being PM through the pandemic; that it will be down to him being an incompetent, dishonest, lying shyster.