Jared Zirilli
@jaredzirilli
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Following
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Statuses
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Broadway and Television actor/coach. Husband to Whitney, Dada to Frankie and Luna. “Amusingly Dopey”- The NY Times
NJ
Joined December 2008
✨BROADWAY STARS UNITE TO PERFORM ‘A REAL NICE CLAMBAKE’✨ Nobody asked for it, nobody needed it, but BY GOD YOU’RE GETTIN IT. This year has been hard enough, we all deserve a laugh. And what better way than a song about soup ingredients. Enjoy! 🦞🍤🦪 https://t.co/LDgibFGyyr
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Am I the only person who simultaneously enjoys @TheJimCornette and @THEVinceRusso ? Dont make me choose! 🥰
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hey wrestling fans if I recreate this shirt will I sell millions and become rich
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Think I’d be a great asset in this sort of position. Thanks for any help you can offer!
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iPhone autocorrected my lunch order from Honey Mustard to HINEY and I almost kept it…just to be sassy 💃🏼🍴🍑
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If there’s a better way to open a straw than banging it like a child onto a hard surface, I don’t want to hear it!
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Katz’s Deli has begun targeting me on Instagram with highly pornographic Pastrami videos and I’m the opposite of upset about it.
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Crowded Subway Conductor: “don’t overcrowd please, there’s another train directly behind us” Real New Yorkers: “my Ass there is”
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To the utility worker smoking a Cigar while servicing a local power line; you START that weekend early babeh.
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While I’m impressed by my phone’s technological capability to transcribe and punctuate my voice to text; it COMPLetely misses my unIQue and inDIVidual mode of enTHUsiasm! *I didn’t use it for this 😭*
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Registering Luna for a popular summer camp WHILST running at a brisk treadmill clip is one of my few, proud, Zaddy Moments.
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There are now TWO local Pizza Establishments, of high repute, that answer my calls: “Hey Jared! The usual?” If you need me, I’ll be drafting my memoirs ✍️🍕🌅
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my taxes just raised $1,000 a year which is actually good because I was afraid I’d forget what murderous rage feels like
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Just had a really New York Moment where I saw a guy drop some big boxes in the middle of the street, felt great pity for him…and then kept walking 🗽
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i don’t want to make false claims that I’m GODS GIFT TO HOME REPAIR but I just snaked the drain of my washing machine and it’s not leaky anymore so
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Me: “lu! Come down, it’s time to go to school!” Lu: “just a minute, dad. I’m making YOUR side of the bed” #TheShade
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Luna Sass Update: When I’m sweaty and get near her, she’s moved on from the juvenile ‘you smell like poop’ to the HILARIOUS: ‘you smell like baked beans’ #doingsomethingright
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