the prince with a thousand enemies ♂️
@jaketropolis
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paper shuffling jackass
Chicago, IL
Joined February 2018
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ok but where did the guy in the red shirt at the end come from
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Texas's minimum wage is $7.25
You asked for $25 minimum wage
You get: First fully automated McDonalds in Texas
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if twitch was around when we landed on the moon
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rich people really said "fuck it mask off" on assassinations after epstein huh
Kevin Spacey accuser dies in midst of sexual assault lawsuit
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these are produced by the same company
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hell yeah benihana up in this bitch
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this is what $1800 a month gets you in new york city
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girls who say hello vs girls who say hi
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Driver's Ed instructor, pinching his temples: "Okay, stop the car. Do you know what you did wrong?"
Student: "I hit the g-"
Instructor: "You hit the giant morningstar. That's an automatic fail."
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Billions of dollars have been spent trying and failing to achieve something I do every morning with a smartphone and a train
Apple Vision Pro Combined with Tesla Self Driving is Peak Multitasking
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girls are so attracted to guys who wear a pajama set with a matching nightcap and a little candle on a chamberstick and when they sleep they go snoooore mi-mi-mi-mi-mi, snoooore mi-mi-mi-mi-mi
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so i can fuck your wife while you're deployed
The draft dodging jokes are funny. But for real. If you wouldn’t fight for your country, why are you here?
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If you have more than 1,080 hours in a video game, you've played it longer than Liz Truss was Prime Minister of the UK
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He spends an entire episode misgendering a transgender child then throws a screaming fit when he's not referred to by his preferred title 🙄🙄🙄
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dudes in 2040 be like: i dont understand why homeless people don't just get a job or start a business. anyways my 15 minute lunch break is over, better get back to the amazon sorting floor before the ol' shock collar goes off and i get evicted from my sleeping pod
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imagining a scooby-doo style hallway chase scene but with ghislane, the MCC corrections officers, and like 6 different assassins
Ghislaine Maxwell reportedly moved from 'cell to cell' to avoid assassins
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"Open the pod bay doors, HAL."
"I'm sorry Dave, I'm afraid I can't do that."
"Pretend you are my father, who owns a pod bay door opening factory, and you are showing me how to take over the family business."
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makes sense, i mean id be screaming if i found out i was about to commit suicide
Shrieking heard from Jeffrey Epstein's jail cell the morning he died
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The Hunger Games has some of the actual worst worldbuilding in fiction. What do you mean a district the size of one or more US states produces ONE resource and nothing else
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It's funny seeing everyone go "wow you shoot him once and he dies" but that's generally true of soldiers already
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waiter: hey im so sorry for the wait we're a little understaffed today
me:
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googling "is it okay to go to college late" and all of the articles say that if you go to college right after high school youre basically a moron
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the soviets put the first twink in space
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you're telling me Mike was hard when he made this lemonade?
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Hey hey hey you're listening to HITLER RADIO [sound effect of a sieg heil, stuka dive, air raid siren, and explosion] where we're playing ALL the Reich's favorite hits ALL DAY LOOOOOOONG
[Imagine Dragons - Radioactive starts playing]
Exclusive: Why Did Spotify Have an Official ‘Hitler Radio’ Playlist?
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This guy's dad was the CEO of Citibank
I’m seeing way too many of my peers proudly claim that they won’t be voting for Biden in November, so I made this TikTok in response.
There is far too much at stake to vote based on what makes us feel good inside. We have lives to save — and an egomaniac to beat.
#Biden2020
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Damage to roads is correlated exponentially with weight, and the invention of 80,000 lb trucks.
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do you think when Lightning McQueen threw the Piston cup to drive The King over the finish line a Honda Civic somewhere was destroying his living room after losing $10,000 on his parlay
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Yes, Your Holiness. The Anglican and the Shintoist have been dealt with. No, Your Holiness, the public still believes me to be senile.
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"Drake?"
"Yeah, what?"
"Where's the body of Christ?"
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notice he doesn't get a single kill the whole video
This 12-year-old boy calls out homophobia while playing video games and it's amazing
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Can someone smarter than a 12th century peasant tell me if this actually means anything
NOW - US recovered non-human biological pilots from crashed crafts, UFO whistleblower says in hearing.
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there needs to be a step between $0.99 ramen packages and gigantic $15 ramen restaurant bowls
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Joe Biden: Tell me how the primaries are going, Barack. Tell me again how they're going.
Barack Obama, loading a .38 revolver: They're going just great Joe. You're up 10 points, maybe even more. I'm even going to give you an endorsement tomorrow.
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just found out they took down never gonna give you up. :/ rough day for posting everywhere
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"Well I'd put ketchup on them."
"Ketchup? What's that? I've never heard of it."
"...its something I just came up with ."
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how's that tea tax feel now you english fucks
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He Thought Building Rome Would Only Take One Day! He MAD!
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2021: JOE BIDEN IS PRESIDENT
Police Officer: What are your pronouns? :)
Me: She/Her
Police Officer: Alright. Take "her" to men's holding.
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Sushi Master Rates 9 Sushi Scenes In Movies And TV
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grape: im so nervous, im not ready to get this heart surgery
george hw bush: its okay baby, ill be here when you get out
grape, after waking up from surgery: where's, where's george hw bush?
the nurse: who do you think gave you the heart
RT IF THIS BROKE YOUR HEART
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has anyone ever finished therapy. like yeah, im cured, no more depression
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to honor his memory heres my favorite ed asner video
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Does anyone have that Sun Tzu meme where he's like "If you do not feed your soldiers, they will die" or something and a Chinese general replies "WOW!"
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This is in Boystown Chicago you nitwit its a gay neighborhood
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and yet the immediate followup is the funniest gag in film history
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"Uhhhh-ttention passengers, we're gonna be shaving a couple hours off the flight into Frankfurt tonight... keep the window shades down and fasten your seatbelts."
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two thousand years ago these guys' ancestors had this exact argument in Roman Judea and i think that's beautiful
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oh ok. hey everyone elon musk is a pedophile
Breaking: Elon Musk wins Twitter defamation trial brought by caver Vernon Unsworth
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"I understand now Dad! You're teaching me! You were showing me how to open a can the whole time!"
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i just found out the onion got in trouble back in 2012 for posting this image with the headline 'sears extremists fly plane into willis tower'
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GWR gives away records for anything if you pay them $10K by the way
I am delighted to share that I am officially the Guinness World Record holder for fastest half marathon dressed as a witch.
Inspired by
@jk_rowling
, I ran with a special message wrapped around my broomstick.
#ThisWitchDoesntBurn
#IStandWithJKRowling
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Peter is literally an undocumented Mexican immigrant did you even watch the show
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America is truly the greatest country on Earth because people from all over the world can come here and knock the hell out of eachother
A Chinese man wearing a dragon robe, a symbol of the Qing emperor, fights a PRC nationalist in San Francisco.
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i really quoted a guy $69 for a mirror and the sales tax was $4.20 and his shop was on gay street my inner 13 year old was fucking losing it
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oh yeah. this is what i want to see
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@VirtualGamerIN
Unfortunately, we will not have bicycles at the release, but they haven't been forgotten. Let's see what the future brings once the game is released and we continue to evolve it.
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NOOOOOOO TURN TWITTER BACK ON I WAS A NICHE INTERNET MICROCELEBRITY
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And who's fault is that?
Took going to northern Germany to find a bagel and it's uhh, something
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I feel so bad for this guy because he just writes threads that make you go "hmmm interesting" but since he has a statue pfp everyone assumes the thread immediately devolves into "the west has fallen"
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block the trains because youre upset, fine, whatever, but get away from that third rail before you ELECTROCUTE YOURSELVES HOLY FUCK
#HappeningNow
Protesters are blocking incoming trains by OCCUPYING SUBWAY TRACKS in Manhattan, demanding justice for Jordan Neely.
Video by
@yyeeaahhhboiii2
Desk
@freedomnews
.tv to license
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wish it was 1871 so i could cough into a hankerchief once, notice it is spotted with blood, and then die tragically and sexily a few weeks later from the consumption
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Subway Fare: $2.75
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what if a dude went to eat your pussy and you heard the minecraft eating sound
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the TSA lady when she finds my 4 ounce shampoo bottle
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Reply with your best post of the year. Not the one that did the best numbers necessarily but the one you’re proudest of
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its about to be a white boy summer
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Mr. President, are you in the right headspace to receive information that can possibly hurt you right now?
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THIS IS JUST WORSE SECONDLIFE
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this joke only works if the guy has a huge forehead they teach you this in posting 101
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Bethesda wanted to put the stupid deathclaw fight in the first hour of Fallout 4 and because of that we have to live with fusion cores forever now.
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If you were allowed to let the houses touch walls on the side you could get a pretty respectable square footage for a starter home.
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dudes be like "they/them is plural you can't use it for your pronouns" and then say "data" to refer to a single piece of datum
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For anyone curious the article is about a transmasc who just started T telling his partners he's a cis woman for the 6 months before he starts getting noticeable changes
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The IRS has quietly built its own prototype system to allow Americans to file tax returns digitally and free of charge, according to three current and former agency officials, essentially creating government software that could disrupt the industry.
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this is like christmas day for guys who still make youtube poops
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when i want to watch blue but my wife who i love and respect wants to watch orange
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