op is theoretically an izzy writer 🔞
@izzyliker
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john | 25 | exsanguinate/blackwood pseuds on ao3 | i write porn for fun & profit | I BLOCK MINORS!!!
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ok here’s my alt socmed
☁️
☁️ that’s it lol
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every now and then i think about when hannibal antis tried to get bryan fuller to publicly denounce proshippers but because he’s like 50 they had to explain to him what it meant and he said “what. that’s just a normal person” and then he bought a mug that says “proshipper” on it
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TO THIS DAY i do not understand why people thought a 50 year old man who created hannibal the show about gay men who psychologically torment each other and kill/eat people would side with that type of terminally online nerd and not the other kind of terminally online nerd
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ed “my tummy hurts but i’m being so brave about it” teach; stede “i felt a twinge and now i must lie down for a week” bonnet; izzy “my appendix burst and i didn’t say anything for hours and then i passed out” hands
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so funny when ppl are like “i tried to write a different take on a/b/o bc it can be problematic” like you’re telling me that the au where as a base premise humans are sorted into three groups based on a biological uncontrollable urge to breed can be problematic? there is no way
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does anyone remember that thing taika said abt the bathtub scene being so emotionally exhausting and hard to film and how he had to prepare for it for ages and one day he was just like ok i’m ready let’s do this and they had to do it like immediately
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@biheretic
i see a lot of ppl say explaining your intentions is actually Abusive or Gaslighting(?) and it’s like man that’s just how human interaction works like if you accidentally hurt someone i’d hope you’d try to explain and not just accept the assumption that you did it on purpose
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i love olu in ep2 where he’s just kinda walking around having a gay little drink fully aware that pete and stede are in naughty white guy jail 10 feet away he’s just kinda like yeah well what am i to do about that. many other much more interesting things are occurring elsewhere
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recently i was on a transatlantic flight and didn’t realize i was seated between a married couple until they started talking to each other over me. i was like Oh sorry would you guys like to sit next to each other? and they said, at the same time, firmly, No. this is edizzy
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@biheretic
like fucks sake people instinctively apologize to animals for accidentally stepping on their paws to reassure them that they didn’t mean to so like why are we disincentivizing this behavior with actual people
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you can’t divorce omegaverse from the Problematic Implications they’re built in. you’ve turned humans into cats in heat. just embrace it.
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ofmd being like “people are multifaceted and ed is both a traumatized man desperate for love and acceptance AND a pirate who enjoys violence and has temper problems, & is scared nobody will love both sides of him” and supposed ed stans ignoring one side of him completely is SO…
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okay not to entertain bad takes but the flattening of queer masculinity to Either hypermasc (has facial hair & wears Plain Clothes) or femme (is clean shaven and fussy about their clothes) is such an insane insult to the Sheer Variance of queer masculinity in men & otherwise lmao
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ed stede dirty talk would be so cringe lucius would overhear and start crying from secondhand embarrassment
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“ending the season on an upbeat note” i also find it really upbeat when a queer character that had such a compelling arc that even ppl who didn’t like him in s1 started liking him dies for no reason and then gets buried in the backyard like a dog 2 mins before the ep ends
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[through gritted teeth] i don’t care if people hate izzy [normal voice] but i wish they’d at least hate him accurately
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tweet: what if izzy went outside and it started snowing
comment 1: NOOOO MY SCRUNGLY SCRIMBLO
comment 2: just like when ed came all over his face
comment 3: what if he went inside and had some hot chocolate <3
comment 4: he slips on the ice and breaks all of his limbs
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oliver pointed out how con says Stede doesn’t do it for izzy and then rhys is like well izzy does it for stede and like. well this is a fun new flavor of stizzy.
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izzy being a good shag is so funny to me like autism be damned my boy can fuck like a machine
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i literally go insane sometimes over ppl completely ignoring the fact that ed was never even SUPPOSED to be “caught” by the navy like he was supposed to be Far Away like the navy even SEEING him was already izzy’s plan going severely wrong why do y’all think CJ was THERE?!
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every time people on here are like “uh oh!! new izzy situation just dropped!!” it’s either the most devastatingly tragic edizzy divorce spin yet or like. what if izzy went to the supermarket
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increasingly enamored by the idea of izzy who just instantly drops his hardass persona as soon as he is alone with his Partner just deflating and becoming quiet and cuddly like a cat
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i love ofmd bc it’s like here’s ed going through an intense ptsd episode about the time he killed his abusive father to protect his mom and then dissociated from it so hard he convinced himself a monster did it. well that’s enough. izzy’s going to get hit with a sandwich now
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ed is peak r/dadswhodidntwantpets material like stede would be like ed darling i have acquired a little baby cat and ed would be like throw that beast overboard this instant and stede would be like NO i am in love with her and ed would stomp around the ship hating the idea of
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roommates au where stede and izzy get randomly assigned as roommates and stede ruins izzy’s frying pan and tells him to just buy a new one if it bothers him so much and one night while stedes asleep izzy dumps all of stedes leftover soup from the fridge on his bed
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izzy is so cranky all the time bc they’re all forcing him to jog and they hadn’t invented sports bras yet in 1717
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favorite anti-izzy ship arguments i’ve heard are that izzy/lucius is disability erasure (because black pete has a speech impediment) and that it’s erasure of a relationship with a person who isn’t conventionally attractive (because black pete is bald)
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ed is justified with all of his atrocities not because he’s morally correct but because he’s my special little princess and he looks so good doing it
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izzy has nipple piercings and stede uses a very strong magnet glued to the end of a long stick to locate izzy wherever he might be hiding
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unironically izzy is so camp and frankly it’s not my fault people who aren’t queer men can’t see that
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izzy hands is the most efficient person in the TSA checkpoint line
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@cut2th
i wish i understood WHAT this person is referring to as the approved range of media described here like yeah i want evil people making out but ONLY if it’s not sexual. ?????????
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[babygirlifies your middle aged man]
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it truly like concerns me how many people seem to think “cuts off the toe of a sleeping person hours later as a calculated act of putting them back in their pmace” is a perfectly proportionate response to “got in my face and yelled at me”
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i do think it’s genuinely so gauche and like. ghoulish to respond to real people coming out with some kind of cute flippant “it’s not a big deal he’s just a white cis gay” like that is a human person. like that is an alive real life man. like he is a real guy
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“tell your boyfriend if he says he’s got beef that i’m a vegetarian and i’m not fucking scared of him” is such a stede moment if you told me it came directly from his mouth to gods ears i would believe it
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izzy being diagnosed with transgender is the funniest form of trans guys imprinting on a shitty middle aged guy like ducklings and casting trans upon him like an evil wizard spell
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you walk in on stede and ed having sex but they’re not having sex they’re just standing in the middle of the room naked harmoniously outlining the worldbuilding of their intricate fantasy roleplay
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like yeah it sucks when teens are fucking rude in fandom but like i’ve said before just imagine the teen in question is your 15yo cousin and suddenly it’s just kind of funny. like ok girl i hope AP algebra is going good text me if you need a ride to the mall
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jim takes off their ye olde binder and olu pointedly turns to look away out of Respect🫡 but jim’s like Can you please give me a 😥chest massage😥 i’m soooo sore
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con o’neill your dedication to never turning gayness and gender nonconformity into a joke makes me tremble with adoration
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a tragic story of a fem biker dude who’s being pressured into wearing leather instead of linen. but everything changes when a wealthy gentleman joins the gay motorcycle club and insists on wearing cotton blend suits to ride. unfortunately he falls and scrapes off most of his skin
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when cis men just straight up have breasts big enough to fill a bra cup
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FICTION DID NOT CREATE THE IDEA THAT CATS DRINK MILK LONG DOCUMENTED HUMAN HISTORY OF CATS DRINKING MILK CREATED THE IDEA THAT CATS DRINK MILK AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
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i do think people should dig deeper into the distinction between wealth vs money & like, class re: ed and stede because suddenly having a lot of money doesn’t magically instill within you the mannerisms rules and experiences of wealthy people
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it’s the fact that izzy was told he was loved and valued when he felt useless and disposable and unneeded and treasured this so thoroughly and when he was dying none of those people cared. when he was dead nobody at his funeral cared enough to speak. fuck. okay
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it’s not that deep but it’s funny how stede started every single Problem with him and izzy but then izzy retaliates Once and suddenly it’s all izzy is aggressive and attacks stede UNPROVOKED for being fem
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“izzy wanted to humiliate ed” “izzy wanted ed to be his inferior” “izzy didn’t care about ed getting caught” “izzy sold ed to the navy” HE WAS FEVERISHLY USING HIS TWO BRAIN CELLS TO CRAFT A PLAN WHERE ED WOULDNT EVEN KNOW THE NAVY KIDNAPPED STEDE AT ALL
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kylo ren: space fascist
snape: wizard fascist
izzy hands: pathetic 50yo man who nobody likes including his best friend. gets hit in the face with a sandwich
how are these somehow the same genre of character
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the fact that con plays izzy like a wife ed’s still sleeping with despite already having moved on to a new lover & the writers call izzy/ed a toxic love story and izzy CRIES when he thinks he hears ed and stede having sex and watches them interact with such palpable jealousy
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fun how the only thing that needed to happen for con to be deemed Problematic was for him to show the tiniest suggestion that he is an adult who’s aware of the existence of sex and likes the character he plays and now suddenly everyone is concerned about 1 misstep he made in 2020
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izzy: i thought you didn’t want pets on the ship.
ed sitting on the couch with the kitten sleeping in his arms: yeah but check this out. when she’s happy she purrs
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@noumenaughty
moving in and immediately redecorating is a classic stede move if i’ve ever seen one
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the way people are so resistant to the idea that someone can have character flaws and still deserve love that they have to pretend that every single shitty thing ed does is actually izzy’s fault drives me crazy like a person doesn’t have to be perfect to want & deserve tenderness
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ed is sweet and intelligent and starved for connection and protective of his loved ones and funny and quick to love AND he’s uncommunicate and manipulative and sensitive to criticism and quick to resort to violence. he’s got MULTIPLE FACETS TO HIM…
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stede is gentle with ed and loyal to those he loves and protective and has a sense of fairness, AND he’s cowardly and paternalistic and condescending and uncommunicative and selfish and impossible to talk to if he doesn’t want to listen.
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using my Male Privilege for good by saying “bro that’s kinda fucked up” every time my male coworkers say something sexist and watching them feebly walk it back
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stede and izzy smelling each other through a bathroom door for a week and ed thinks they’re acclimated to each other’s presence but the instant he opens the door stede attacks izzy with his claws out
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“you can just have casual sex with your friends! it doesn’t have to mean anything!” my brother in christ have you SEEN what that did to ed & izzy
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i also feel for ppl who are saying stuff like “well if i died tomorrow would all my healing from depression be pointless” but you must understand that you are not a fictional character
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“izzy wants to be better but he doesn’t know how” “some part of him is romantic” Hello.
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i find ofmd top/bottom discourse funny because for once the show actually did take the bold stance that they should canonize the fact that ed is a bottom. at most a verse.
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nobody is more brutally honest about wrinkles and weak chins than a lesbian artist with a favorite male character
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The thing is that i want for ed to show stede all these New and Novel ways to have sex and it’s like not even that exciting it’s just stedes only ever had missionary het sex so ed is like here’s an idea why don’t we try frottage and stede comes in his pants immediately
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funny to me to imagine edizzy solving the issue of them both being bottoms by just bringing home a random stray top to share
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“edizzy shippers are going to be so mad when s2 rolls around and it’s not like their ao3 stories” meanwhile the ao3 stories in question are like “what if izzy was an incel bc ed (tragic, beautiful, irresistible) didn’t love him back”
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people arguing that izzy is bad at his job bc he didn’t know what the clouds meant when the whole point is to show us that ed is especially skilled at that shit like if izzy knew what it meant the episode wouldn’t be showing us that ed is Especially Good. At Sailing fjsjckksvjs
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Weird and offputting teenage edizzy is so cute to me. they’re stubbornly walking the mile and routinely growling at people. Ed is spiritually a wolf and izzy is tipping his pleather fedora in the 30c heat after defending his honor in the mcdonald’s parking lot
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i’m going crazy over how izzy talks about his job bc it’s fully like “i have such professional respect for you which is why i handfeed you chocolates and braid your hair at night” like what in the goddamn
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izzy voice Its not a boypussy it’s a boyCUNT i’m a grown man stede
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did i seriously just see a tweet saying that people are purposefully ignoring that con is “a zionist” and then when looking for any sources it’s like. in 2020 he followed a zionist and when someone told him he unfollowed her. and people are retweeting this to call him out
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